Birthday

Today is "Hulk's" birthday. That is to say, Crackle. He is now 15. Just checked the clock, and yep.

His birth was not my fave. I had a lousy epidural that not only didn't work but hit a nerve (literally) and caused all kinds of extra pain. Yes, more than childbirth without meds.

My Hulk was born blue (not green) and didn't cry until they poked him to take the blood from his heel. This was disconcerting but considering the delivery I had I just sent Superman to oversee the doctor's care of our newborn while I counted the minutes until they removed that thing from my back.

Hulk was an incredible baby. He rarely cried, ate well and slept fantastic. He liked sleeping in his cradle rather than with me (this was new). I knew right away something was not right but it took me nine months to convince his pediatrician and another year+ for us to see the right doctor to get the correct diagnosis.

If you're wondering my Hulk has Klinefelter's Syndrome XXYY variant. Yes, that's the whole title and it affects every strand of DNA in his body. He struggles with everything physical (from eating to writing) and gets frustrated easily.

I know I have written about my struggles with Hulk from time to time but I would never EVER trade him for another child without the diagnosis. He is my Hulk. Mine. I love him. I want him to be happy. I want him to be successful in whatever he wants to do. Right now he says he wants to be a mechanic (he loves cars) and I want him to be able to do that.

What any mother wants for her child. Okay, any good mother.

I was happy to wake him up at 5:00 AM so we could sing to him this morning. I was happy to take him and a few friends to a pizza place with an arcade so he could enjoy his day. I was glad to stop by Toys R' Us and let him get an R/C Car (cars, I'm telling you!) and glad his brother helped him to buy an Android tablet from Ebay.

It's a good birthday for him. Yay!

Meet the Parents

So I didn't write a post for Mother's Day or Father's Day so I thought I'd elaborate on my parentals now. It's my Thankful or Thoughtful Thursday post (I am skipping my Review Wednesday because I've been behind all week and this is the one post I've actually had in my head all week!) and I am very grateful for both my parents. They are both amazing and wonderful people even though they are very different from me and from each other.

Well, hopefully I am not so different from them but I fear that I probably am.

My Parents 1959

My mother was born in Oklahoma and raised in California by a (mostly) single mother. All she ever wanted from life was the white-picket-fence life she never had. She got that, for the most part, although my father left her to do a lot herself because he worked so much. I won't say she never complained but she was always appreciative of my father's efforts.

There are six children in my family. Five of them are boys. Then there's me.

My mother and I did not get along when I was a teenager. I was difficult (no, not much has changed...) so I do not blame her. However, I do think she thought I was going to be more like her (read: good) as a teen than I was. I also think she hoped I would be more compliant (What?) and less stubborn. We clashed.

As an adult our relationship greatly improved as I realized how FREAKING Awesome she really was and how much she did and always had done for me and my sibs. My mom was pretty much always around so I didn't know what it would be like to NOT have her around until I was the one that left.

My mother is the most thoughtful person I know! She is the one that remembers everybody's birthday and makes sure to send a card. If she's late sending one she feels terrible and will call to tell you it's on it's way. She makes food for people, good food! My mother is one of the best cooks I know (I did not get that gene!) and if my father were a different kind of man he would weigh 1,000 pounds!

My mom is the one that wrote to me when I traveled all over the world. She sent me letters and pictures regularly. I always knew what everyone was up to because of those letters and pictures. I still have them.

Once I had children of my own I really realized how wonderful my mother was/is and grew to really appreciate her! She would laugh her head off when I would tell her things Sunshine would say and do (even as a baby). She cries with me when I talk about the difficulties with Crackle. She encourages me when I tell her I want to be more than "just" a mom (terrible of me, I know, but it is what it is). In short, my mother is now one of my very best friends! I love her more than I could ever express in words (even me!) and I doubt she knows that.

My father was born in Canada and raised in the boonies until high school. His entire family moved to California in the 50s. He was raised with both parents and gaggle of siblings. He has always been a hard worker and proponent of education.

My father got his BS in Physics from Cal State L.A. while married (with children) and working nights in the Dairy department of Safeway. Around the time I was born (#3 of 6) he finished college and got a job with TRW working on the Apollo program. He had a little something to do with that whole Apollo 13 thing... If you ask him he will show you his five-inch-thick manual he wrote for it!

In the early 70s he started his own business and has been an entrepreneur most of my life. In the beginning he worked long hours, seven days a week (or so it seemed to me). Nowadays he still works (although he should be retired) but mostly from home, which he has done for a long time. Because of my dad's hard-working efforts my mom was always able to stay home, which is what she wanted.

My Parents 50th Anniversary

My dad has always been my Super-Hero. Even though he was gone working so much when I was young, I still thought he hung the moon. I think it's a little-girl thing, but I'm not sure. He has always made me feel special.

My father is the smartest person I know. He is also the most optimistic and most stressed out person I know. That might sound conflicting, but if you know him you know what I'm talking about.

He is calm, he is kind and he is funny. At least I think so. That is the dad I know.

I only remember him ever being mad at me less than a handful of times. I know my brothers have different stories, but for whatever reason he has never really been mad at me. At least not to my knowledge.

My dad is the pillar of strength in my life. Next to Superman (my husband), I admire him the most. I strive to make him proud of me but know that really, he will always love me no matter what. Actually, I know this about both my parents.

I feel so very grateful to have had two parents that love me, make me feel loved and are still together after 50+ years! I know that's unique and I still lean on them in many ways.

So this is my *sort-of* tribute to my parents.

Happy Mother's/Father's Day, Mom & Dad!

And Happy Early 54th Anniversary (next week) too!!!!!

Good things

I know I have a lot of good things in my life. I love my kids. They are a lot of work but they make me happy and whole. As I mentioned earlier this week, I don't think I'm the greatest mother in the world but I do love my kids. I want them to be happy, successful and fulfilled.

I love my husband. He is a good man. He makes me laugh, a lot. He works hard, harder than anyone I know, and is tenacious. He is a great example to me of someone that gets things done!

I have amazing parents, who are still married to each other. I love them dearly and don't like that they are getting old. I am getting old so, yeah, so are they. I don't like it. They are still very active and very much a part of our lives and I am so grateful for that.

I love my brothers. Even though I don't talk to them as much as I probably should, or would like to, I love them all. I worry about their families and want for them what I want for my own children; to be happy, successful, fulfilled.

I have good friends. Some at church, some not. My BFF, Gypsy, is my lifeline.

I love going to school and am grateful for that opportunity. I don't want to stop. Yeah, I'm a little nuts.

I have a good life. I am frustrated by things that could be easily fixed with money but money isn't everything. I think it provides freedom and that's the only Harrumph! I have about it. I could use a little more freedom. But it's not everything, I have a lot of freedom. I don't have to spend most of my day looking for food, preparing it and making sure my kids are fed, clothed and warm. Those things are easy.

I am grateful for God in my life. I love God and have had a relationship since I was young, before I even really had a clear concept of who God was. I was born that way.

Today is a good day and I have gratitude.

A few highlights:

• Superman "gets" to work at Catalina today. Jerk. That means I don't have to make dinner, it's YOYO! (You're On Your Own)
• I have five papers to write for my last class before student teaching. They're due before Saturday. Yes I procrastinated. Yes I'm still procrastinating. ::sigh::
• The puppy isn't making me crazy so much anymore. Thank goodness for the crate!
• All the kids are home now, school is over. A blessing and a curse.

Being Kind to Myself

I have chronic pain. Supposedly I have a chronic illness. They call it Fibromyalgia. Admittedly, I asked for the diagnosis, mostly so I would know what to do next. I still fight against it. The truth is that I had Shingles, for the third time, a little over a year ago, and due to several issues I was unable to get the anti-viral medication in time. What that means is that the virus which stems from chicken pox segues into a secondary virus called Shingles. This lovely virus attacks your nerves and makes you crazy. Basically.

So the last year has been a nightmare. Most days I can barely function. In that, lifting laundry baskets, making my bed, cleaning my bathroom, dusting and making dinner are about the extent of my abilities these days. Sometimes I can go for a walk to the park (about two blocks from my house) but not usually. It hurts so much I can barely move if I do.

We currently live in a two-story house and the stairs are a killer. I go down once, and up once (on bad days). My knees, my lower back, pins and needles down my right side along my shoulder blade. Fun.

Not.

They also call what I have post-herpetic neuralgia (literally "after chicken pox/shingles--a form of herpes--pain") and that's why I fight the Fibromyalgia diagnosis.

In the last year I have gained BACK 20+ lbs. It's killing me. I admit to abandoning my way of eating, my lifestyle, a little before and definitely after the latest (remember this is bout #3) Shingles attack. I comfort fed. I gave up trying and now, Now I am having an impossible time trying to get back into it. It sucks. Seriously.

There is a medication I can take that helps with the pain, it's called Gabapentin. I was on it for a bit, then I went off it because I didn't like the way it made me feel. Then I went back on it and it helped a lot, then I went off it again, when I went off all my medications. Ergo the last six weeks have been kind of bad. I am back on the Gabapentin as of two days ago. Yippee. I sure hope it puts me back in control of my abilities--let me emphasize ABLE-ness. I am hoping I can get back on my eating bandwagon and [cross-my-fingers] even exercising! That would be so awesome.

In the meantime, I am being kind to myself.

The things I am focusing on, for the most part, can be narrowed down to three areas:
1. Oxygen: getting exercise, moving, even if it's for 10 minutes. Put on my shoes and go outside. I have not been doing this and I need to do this.
2. My immunity: whether I believe I have Fibromyalgia or not is irrelevant to the fact that I do have a compromised immune system (which is evident by the fact that I got Shingles 3 times). It is imperative that I take my vitamins. & occasionally an immune boosting Airborne.
3. Calm: keeping calm through meditation (yes, I have incense), prayer, scripture study... it's all part of meditation for me. This helps me to focus on the important things in my life; family, writing and serving others. 

Every day is a struggle and I never know how I'm going to feel from one day to the next. I know there are others that struggle with similar (and worse) health issues and I know I am not alone (feels like it sometimes though). 

Right now, until I can predict and plan how I feel, I will continue to be kind to myself.