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Friday, October 15, 2010

The Mortal Experience

We’ve all been there at some point another when we wonder, Why? Why this tragedy? It could be as simple as a stupid choice or as complicated as a tragic death of an innocent. Why can I not conceive? Why am I alone? Why is life so hard? Why does it all have to hurt so much? If you have yet to experience such heart-wrenching grief than kudos to you for the moment but chances are you will.

I have often hoped that I could have one more day with my loved ones that I’ve lost. Just to have One More opportunity to hold them, to tell them I love them, to laugh with them, to just be with them. However, I have come to realize that one more day would never ever be enough. I could not be satisfied with one more day. I also believed, foolishly, that it would be easier if I had an opportunity to say goodbye. The truth is being able to say goodbye does not make goodbye any easier. No matter how you look at it Death is painful.

Sure, sometimes it feels like a relief because you know your loved one is no longer in pain; physical or emotional. You might believe they are happier, if you believe they have continued on, which I do. It still hurts for you. It is the living who feel the crushing weight of grief. It is the living who have to endure the rising and setting of the sun every day, whether they are ready for it or not.

I believe that we will be reunited with loved ones someday. I believe they are happy and busy. I believe God loves us and knows our pains and sorrows. It is this belief that allows me to continue each day when the sun shines in my bedroom windows and allows me the strength to greet the day as a gift. Another day for me to spend with those I still love. To tell the ones that are still here with me that I love them. To hold my children another day before that time is lost to me.

Gratitude for who I am, who I have been able to love and gratitude for the constant opportunity to share love with others is what keeps me going every day.


  1. This is really good writing Katrina. -Andrea

  2. Good choice of words :] it was really good! - Emily


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