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Friday, February 8, 2013

The Depression Detox

I have been focusing a lot on detoxing myself. The Juice fasting is about removing toxins from my body and creating better health. I know I don't get enough fresh fruits and vegetables in my diet since I am a lover of Fast Food and simple carbs. Cookies, cakes and fatty foods are my favorite. 

For a variety of reasons I have decided to go off my MEGA-doses of anti-depressant and the result is a bit of craziness that is trying but I feel will benefit me in the long run. The amount of medication I have been on for over 14 years denies me true access to my feelings. I have tried to "cope" with my feelings for so long I don't know that I really know what they are anymore. 

I do realize that this is not the best idea but I also feel the benefits outweigh the risks at this point. And so far the most annoying things are the physical side-effects of withdrawal; including (and not limited to) dizzy spells, diarrhea and nightmares.

I have dealt with the sleeping nonsense thanks to some wonderful friends who have helped me find some supplementation that is helping (the nightmares are horrendous... you have no idea!) and some reassurance that it won't last.

I don't want to talk about the diarrhea. Let's just say that I have learned and experienced the term "shart," for myself. Enough said.

Today I am watching "Happy" and wow. The science of Happiness, what a novel idea. We have measured depression and devastation and trauma and the impact that has on our psyche, but what about what brings joy, peace and happiness? Awesome. 

I am going to cry through this entire movie, but it's okay, Crying is not always bad. And when I'm done I will feel better. 

I already have and do things in my life that make me happy. I want to do more and I want to feel more. I want to experience my life and appreciate what I have.

I got this. I will check back, but today, it's good.

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