The other morning I noticed the most beautiful sunrise. The sky was pink with striated clouds and I thought, “Wow!” It’s been a little while since I’ve seen such a beautiful sunrise. I drive Snap to early morning seminary but they had two weeks off for the holiday. Before that it was too dark that early in the morning to enjoy anything, let alone a sunrise! Most of the week was overcast and somewhat foggy, so it was the first morning I really noticed how beautiful the sky was. I truly appreciated it.
Later I thought about the song from Fiddler on the Roof which was sung at my wedding, “Sunrise, Sunset,” which talks about how quickly time passes and before you know it your kids are grown up, leaving you, getting married and having kids of their own. While I’m not yet in the “Sunset” part of my life I am edging closer. With two kids gone off to be on their own and just three at home to tend to I am creeping closer to that time. And yes, part of me says Yay! While another part of me wants to weep.
I miss my girls. I miss their input into my clothing and hair styles. I never had sisters so they were my companions in shoe shopping and purse purchasing! Now I have to go alone (or online, which is my shopping mode of choice—lol). They were also my comfort in all things feminine – really? You cannot put the toilet seat UP? My husband is great, my three boys…not so much. I just miss them. Do I have to have a reason?
My boys are challenging in a different way now than all my kids put together when they were little. I am frequently surprised by the differences in challenges I face as I approach new stages in my life. Some of them are mine, while others are theirs. Snap is challenged by some ADD issues (I think they categorize them all in ADHD but no Hyperactivity here, just distraction); Crackle has his own issues caused by his XXYY genetic disorder; Pop is a smart-alecky, whippersnapper and comes with his own bundle of idiosyncrasies. OY.
But I love them all. Sunshine and Princess have made me proud (makes me almost forget the years of Teen-Angsty-ness…okay, not quite, but almost) & my three boys continue to need me which is nice to be needed. They also are more forgiving of my own personal challengers than any of them were when they were younger. Of course, my personal challenges have increased over the last year and I find myself in a new phase of life… the pain and barely functional phase. Bleh. I’m working on those things by forcing myself to be committed to one thing or another. Right now it’s my blog, my writing, my work writing, my school and my health.
I am grateful to experience something like a beautiful sunset to remind me that I have amazing things in my life. My husband is patient with me when I’m feeling low and that is such a huge blessing. There was a time in our lives when my depression was a source of contention but now he seems okay with taking over when he needs to and filling in the gaps when I cannot. The most amazing thing in my life is and forever will be my family and I’m grateful for the different phases and stages of my life and all the things I get to experience.