kmduvalois's Xanga

Monday, September 24, 2012


Today I am feeling a little broadsided. Not so much for my loss but for the losses of others. In the last few months we have lost a beloved brother-in-law, and a church member from our ward. Someone I care about very much (and admire) had to give birth to her deceased baby girl yesterday. This after losing her twin a few months ago. Another online friend has posted about another loss she just discovered yesterday of a dear childhood friend. And Yet another friend has posted the loss of her (very) young sister-in-law.

I am beside myself.

I know this pain

I ache for these people, these women and their families. It hurts deep inside and I question What in Heaven's name is going on

Last year we lost a young man in our ward due to an undiscovered heart problem and I still feel like I'm reeling from that. He was amazing, as were these other folks. Some young, some old, some not even born yet and they are gone from us. The ache is deep.

On top of all that I am still not done grieving for my father-in-law who passed away two years ago. I'm angry. Cancer. I hate it. 

I am also grieving from divorce. Not mine but other family members. It's a loss without death. Still, there are rules about remaining friends with "exes" ...that admittedly, I tend to break, and will continue to break.

And I am grieving my daughters, who have flown the coop. I worry about them All The Time. Especially Sunshine who is living in Downtown Salt Lake City and taking public transportation to and from work. Ack.

I worry.

And still, every day, I miss my brothers

It's an ache that never goes away. I don't want it to go away. I don't know that it can. There is something about losing a sibling that is different from any other kind of loss. Granted, not all siblings are loving and close; but we were. I miss them like I would miss my arm if it were gone. It's noticeable.

I have never lost a child but I imagine that would be worst of all. More than the obvious genetic link between siblings is the genetic bond between parent and child. Even unborn children are loved; wanted. (Obviously those that are wanted.) I cannot imagine that kind of pain.

I understand that grief is part of life. We are subject to mortality and as such we all die. The beautiful thing about Faith is that there is belief in life after death.

I loved The Invention of Lying. One of the things I loved about it was that the whole thing started because Mark (Ricky Gervais) was trying to comfort his dying mother. How beautiful! (There is an entirely different conversation about whether or not it's a "lie.") She was afraid and he comforted her. That's what you do when you love someone. That's our job. We comfort others. 

What I believe is, "God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs." We are and can be angels in another person's life. Giving a hug and letting someone cry. Showing up to provide a service, making food; anything. If you are moved to do something than DO SOMETHING. Show love. Show kindness. Be compassionate. Those are the simplest and most heartfelt comforts. 

And remember, Grief doesn't stop just because the sun keeps rising. As long as hearts are beating, they are grieving. 

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