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Monday, December 13, 2010


I suppose there are lots of ways to say this; reason, passion, “why.” Sometimes I wish I could let it go, just live my life and take what comes and be content. I mentioned in my Gratitude post that I have been discontent and a lot of that comes from feeling that I have not and am not reaching my potential. I feel that I have a purpose greater than just existing. I think I matter. Arrogant of me, isn’t it?
However, I feel that every living being matters. Everything, all things that have an energy source influences others with energy sources. I think the gift of being human is the ability to communicate, build relationships and grow. I think that people that stagnate must be miserable. I could be wrong. I only really know how I feel and I have struggled with my purpose for a very long time.
So, what kind of influence do I want to be? What kind of influence do YOU want to be?
I do believe my role as mother is important. I think my kids are intelligent, fascinating individuals. I enjoy them. I enjoy their quirks. If I never ever publish a thing or do more than post a few blogs I will be satisfied with my children. They are brilliant and exciting and I am so glad I recognize that.
I adore my husband. Sometimes I think it’s disgusting how much I love him. He challenges me. He inspires me to be better. He teaches me. He humbles me. [Insert riotous laughter here, because anyone who knows us knows how much we are like rotating magnets sometimes!] I am learning to embrace my role as wife, and now, homemaker.
I have finally, FINALLY, found peace in my search for a “career” in that I believe that staying home and being a mother and wife and homemaker is a worthy and valuable occupation. I am now working to hone the domestic skills I have for so long disdained as beneath me. I am actually embarrassed to admit that. I have always admired women that enjoyed their role as stay-at-home-homemaker, wife and mother. I could not seem to be happy with that. I was always in pursuit of something more. Recently I have finally figured out that I don’t want more. I am content with that. It’s kind of weird, actually.
I am also at peace with my desires to be a writer. It is not a “hobby,” nor is it necessarily in pursuit of the capricious dollar. I write. I blog. I Facebook. I Twitter. I hope to finish. I hope to publish. I hope to get the recalcitrant $-advance-$ that has so far eluded me. If nothing else, I hope to complete a project, or preferably, many projects. My ideas excite me!
I know my purpose. Finally. At last I have some peace when it comes to my life and my destiny.
As I said before, I have envied those that never questioned their purpose. Those that have been comfortable with what they have been given, and maybe I have been mistaken in believing that more people exist that have this understanding than actually do. I don’t know. What I know is that I am not a young twenty-year-old college student, which is when I would have liked to have reached this point.
However, I am satisfied that I have reached it at all and am now pursuing only those things that fall within the realm I accept as my responsibility. All else gets extracted or at least set aside for a later time when I can include that aspect back into my schedule.
As the preacher wrote, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”


  1. For awhile I thought I wanted something outside the home myself, but honestly, I'm most content at home vacuuming and washing laundry. Besides that, I'd ever manage to keep up if I worked outside the home and I'm not so good at being overwhelmed.

  2. Good for you! I love managing a home. I have found that the more content I am with that, the more opportunities surface for me to do something more outside the home that doesn't interfere with my family. Maybe God waits for us to figure that out before letting us fulfill that "greater purpose" because he wants us to know there is no greater purpose than sacrificing ourselves to care for others. You're very inspiring!


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