Who Am I?

There are lots of things about me that people don't know, maybe they do because I talk about them, write about them and often post on social media about them. Still, I think there are things people don't know. 

1. I believe in myself, most of the time. 
Having a caveat to believing in myself means that I have room for improvement. I think I'm worth the time it takes to develop a good habit and I think good habits are healthy. The *most of the time* means that I often forget that keeping up with good habits will, ultimately, in the long run, make me happier. 

2. I believe in God.
I am grateful for my faith. I am also grateful for my Faith. I am a Mormon. I believe in all kinds of *crazy* stuff like ghosts, angels and afterlife. I believe that I am loved. I believe that I am important to God but that he doesn't make an *easy* path for me (or anyone) just because I believe. I believe that Jesus is my spiritual brother and that he came to earth, lived and died for all mankind. It's pretty heavy stuff, and a little *out there* if you think about it, but I believe it. 

3. I believe in marriage.
I don't think marriage is easy. I think the pinnacle of society is the family. I think children deserve to be loved, cherished, cared for and taken care of. I believe it is a parents job to teach their children how to behave in society, how to succeed and what is important. 

4. I believe I'm a writer.
I don't do it often enough. I don't blog enough. I don't spend enough time on my *stories* and I don't spend enough time writing my personal story for my descendants. But I spend more time than a "non-writer" and I spend a lot of time trying to figure out how I want to tackle this particular "skill." I know I need to write more and I'm working on it.

5. I believe in being healthy.
I don't "diet" per se. I've talked a lot about that. I do believe in being fit. I do believe in taking care of our bodies so they can perform to their upmost ability. I do my best. I am a little lazy in this department for a variety of reasons. I dispute certain diagnoses since the undermine my desire to be better. 

This is my focus for this year. These are my "goals" because I have identified who I truly believe I am and who I want to be.

The First Day of School

Hulk started school August 12^th. That kind of stunk for him because he had to get up early, get dressed and ready and off every morning while the rest of us got to sleep in, watch TV (or in Batman’s case Captain Sparklez on YouTube *RollingMyEyes*!) and DO NOTHING all day.

Captain America (aka Cap) and Batman started today. Cap is a Junior in high school (Already?) and Batman started Middle School or 6^th grade. Hulk is a Sophomore but he is in another school district because they have a better program and more secure campus than we do.

The point is that this morning I was bored.

How many times can you check Facebook in an hour? Part of me thinks I need a job (because I have been bored a lot lately) but mostly I think I just need to buckle down and do the things that need doing. Like the laundry. Ick. I guess I could make dinner at 10 AM, that would free up my day.

Or write a book.

There’s an idea.

I was surprised that I actually missed my kids and on the FIRST DAY BACK TO SCHOOL I actually started looking forward to next summer. ::sigh:: What am I going to do with me?

That’s all crazy talk!

So here’s the thing, September is like January for me. I had my birthday yesterday, the kids are all back in school (even Princess is starting school this week!) and I’m thinking about what I need to do. I need to keep up the house so it doesn’t overwhelm me again. My family cleaned the house (yes, I helped) as part of my birthday gift yesterday. Yes, it’s unbelievably appreciated. Since I can’t even vacuum lately. We even put pictures up, since we’ve been in this place for two years and looks like we’ll be here at least for another year… ::sigh::

I am also starting a class this week. I started Spanish 100 to complete my foreign language requirement. Spanish is helpful where I live (near Los Angeles) and beneficial for being in the schools (which is what I want to do) so I’m okay with it. Nervous, but okay.

I like working on my goals every three months or so. I always have goals. Sometimes I am more energetic than others in that I think I can do more than I end up actually doing, but then isn’t it better to aim for the moon and reach the stars? I think so. So one of the things I will be working on this week is figuring out which areas of my life I really want to improve. I already know what they are I just have to isolate the actions needed to accomplish those goals.

Go me!

And my kids? They are actually happy to be back in school too. We do better when he have a set schedule. I know I do and that means we all do.

50 Things To Be Happy About

1. Today is my birthday!

2. I am not 50!

3. I have two more years to “get it right.”

4. I have an awesome family

5. That I love very Very much!

6. I have a lot of amazing friends

7. Online and offline

8. Who inspire me to be better everyday

9. I have amazing parents

10. Who are still alive and support me

11. And called me today to sing to me (I love it!)

12. I have one best friend outside my bloodline that

13. Is my sister in every way that matters.

14. I have five brothers

15. Two are waiting for me in heaven

16. And I believe that!

17. I love and admire my oldest brother and who he is.

18. I love my younger brother who is also my writing partner, business associate and

19. One of my very best friends.

20. I love my “baby” brother, who makes me laugh

21. All. The. Time.

22. And I admire who he is and his opinions.

23. I love my husband.

24. He is also my best friend and

25. Favorite person to spend time with.

26. He makes me want to be better.

27. I have two beautiful daughters (and I’m not just saying that).

28. My oldest daughter is valiant, hard working and

29. I don’t worry about her decisions

30. Even though I do worry about her (of course!)

31. Daughter #2 is fun and beautiful and

32. I’m happy to have her around

33. She’s just fun.

34. My oldest son is a ROCK!

35. My middle son teaches me patience and makes me feel loved.

36. My baby is spoiled and I like spoiling him.

37. I love where I live

38. I like learning

39. I have hobbies I enjoy

40. I get vacations and “time off”

41. My birthday is the beginning of the holidays

42. I am a Christian

43. I am a Mormon

44. I get to stay home with my kids

45. I get to go to school

46. I get to work with my family doing what I love, Writing!

47. I believe in forgiveness, especially forgiving myself

48. Failure is a learning experience.

49. I have more time to keep being better

50. I’m old but I’m not that old.

That Deaf, Dumb and Blind Chica

Does not play a mean pinball or any other type of “ball,” for that matter.

I posted on Facebook this morning that I dreamed about going deaf and of having to learn and use sign language. Actually, I used to know quite a bit of sign language as one of my best high school friend’s was deaf and we used to communicate openly that way. Everywhere. It was rather cool, actually. I have forgotten most of it, occasionally it comes back to me and I have no idea if the things I was saying in my dream were actually right or not but I was using sign language. Fluently.

I worry about this. It’s not irrational as I am, and have been, losing my hearing for some time. I am supposed to wear hearing aids but they are very expensive (like $ThousandS of $DollarS!) and we already bought one set and they broke like three days after the warranty expired. Of course. I have been going through the process again to get hearing aids because I am tired of not being able to hear.

Some people might think I respond strangely to things that are said to me, the truth is that I probably didn’t hear you. This is why I prefer texting to phone calls and email to face to face meetings.

I Can’t Hear You.

There are a few things that go with that. I sometimes worry that people will be able to tell that I am losing my hearing by my speech. I already struggle saying Rs and Ws together. (My kids are still making fun of me for how I said Redwood River Resort for our reunion a few weeks ago. It comes out like RrrrrrvrrrRrrrsrrrt.) That’s not new. I figured out that anomaly almost 10 years ago. Sort of how Canadians say aluminum.

I make my family crazy because I can’t hear most things that are said to me. I’d like to pretend I heard but they can tell because I will say odd things. They ask, “Where are the hot dogs,” and I will say, “Maybe we can go to the library tomorrow.” It’s kind of like a math word problem.

I don’t think it’s funny but at the same time there’s not a lot I can do about it. I say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you,” A. Lot. So if I say something odd to you, like, “Pillows give me headaches,” when you asked me, “Where’d you get those shoes?” I’m sorry. I probably didn’t hear you.

Oh and I’m almost blind too…

The *Getting Better* Part

I am. With some things. I feel like I need a massive ToDo list, but doesn't everyone? I mean, really? 

I took this "are you narcissistic" test yesterday and it turns out I am either totally narcissistic or not at all. There was no in-between state for me. The first question stumped me; 

I can become entirely absorbed in thinking about my personal affairs, my health, my cares or my relations to others.

Yep. I do this. But it's relative because when I think "I" it includes Me, my five children and my husband, also the dog and various others; including my parents and siblings, even the occasional Aunt or Uncle reaches my "worry zone." All these trump everyone else. When I stopped to evaluate if this was I as in just Me, well, I still do this more than I want to. I think about my health more than I want to because it tends to get in my way of doing something else.

Harrrrumph!

The obsessive nature I have over my personal affairs have to do with all the things that need doing like phone calls, appointments, school issues (aka assignments), my writing or non-writing (which happens more than I want it to), my health (and what new symptom am I feeling today?), the health of my children, even my adult children's lives and health are my problem worry!

I don't worry too much about my relations to others except that I think I need to do more service. I think doing more service would help me with my other self-obsessive narcissistic worries concerns.

Today I feel better. I made myself do a few things I didn't want to do and that's that beginning of the upward spiral of a down day from having done too much. 

No-Brainers

So... sometimes I get distracted...
SQUIRREL!
Okay, so I get distracted a lot. Today it's been a new blogger. And how is it I find these peeps a year after their big reveal? I find them after they've already healed themselves, moved on and practically closed down their blog. ::sigh::

Although at least I still have Emily Eddington who not only hasn't shut down her vlog, but quit her day job to do it full time!

But I digress.

I am here because I want to be authentic. I am nearing my birthday and have not kept my promise to myself. A disappointment but also I am kind to myself, so I forgive and move on.

One thing that is bothering me, however, is that I have down days where nearly nothing gets done. Today I did some laundry & started the dishwasher. I have not (and probably will not) made dinner. It's YOYO... again.

This frustrates me.

I am trying to come up with a list of No-Brainers for me to do on a daily basis. I don't have a "real job" since I am a SAHM (not necessarily by choice) and some (most) of what I need to do involves this "not real job" that I have, like said laundry. It has to get done. It won't do itself. And since I got this new washer I admit that it's not the washing of the laundry so much that is the problem but the folding and putting away.

My children put the dishes away. (I don't allow them to load or wash dishes because they do it "wrong." Yell at me all you want, I have issues, I know it. At least I let them put them away!) I have tried delegating bathroom cleaning, dusting and vacuuming to pretty much no avail; it does not get done. Batman was reduced to tears when I asked him to vacuum on Saturday when Superman and I were busy All. Day. washing/detailing my car. (Something I have been wanting help with for a long time!) He did it. Kind of. Very annoying and frustrating.

I cook usually three days a week. I know that's bad. We don't go out but my family has gotten used to figuring out their own meals the other days. Sometimes I cook but don't eat the meal myself. Actually, that happens a lot. Right now we are in the beginning of Football season which means practices M-F from 5:00-7:00 PM. Part of me wants to say it's a valid excuse for delaying dinner but it's not. Batman doesn't really need me there. He can actually walk himself there and back now that they are practicing at the park.

But I don't like it. Any of it.

Some of the No-Brainers I want in my daily life includes (but not limited to) making the three squares. Breakfast, lunch & dinner. I have just boys left at home and fending for themselves is not always a good thing. Hulk & Batman especially have a hard time with the post-cooking cleanup, which is to say they don't do it. Argh!

I need to get laundry done, folded & put away.

Wait, I already feel overwhelmed.

Nevermind.

Nothing but good times ahead...

I will give credit where credit is due and state up front that my title comes from my favorite women's fiction writer, Jennifer Crusie. She basically rocks. I have been rereading her books and the one that comes from is Welcome to Temptation. It's also in Faking It, my first and favorite Crusie!

Anyway, after my seriously depressing post yesterday (can you see why I have not been posting daily, can you imagine the drudgery?) I decided that I felt better and was going to go back to my non-complaining-type posts. Booyah.

First of all, the Spanish 100 conundrum went bye-bye. I will be taking it next month so my kidlets and I will be going back to school together.

Booyah.

And secondly, while yesterday was a wash... Today I arrived an HOUR early for Hulk's doctor appointment and dinner is already cooking.

Booyah!

I get to go on another vacation next week and it turns out it will probably only be me and two kiddos, Cap & Batman. Hulk will be staying behind because he has school (and I have been touting up the whole "weekend with Dad" glamour that that will be, let me tell ya!) and Princess is going to do some work and make some much needed cashola for when she goes back to Utah for school.

Booyah!

I am kind of excited for the next couple of weeks. Go Me.

Then it will be my birthday and the kids will be back in school and Cap will be starting seminary (hello 6 AM, how ya been?) and I will be back in school and the weather will be... probably getting hotter until the end of October. Haha! That's how it usually goes here in the high desert. But in Acton it's not so bad. Generally it's 10 degrees cooler here than in Palmdale where we used to live.

Booyah!

Also, since no diet is working ... I am not dieting.

Boo-FREAKING-Yah!

That actually doesn't mean I'm eating whatever I want it's just that I'm not Not eating anything. I just watch what I'm eating and drinking lots of water. Hello fruit, I've missed you.

Yep, you guessed it:

BOOYAH!

Today I feel I have much to be thankful for. I got up and out the door so fast we were an hour early! I have been reading like crazy and enjoying every second. I can return the textbook I got and reorder the correct one and start fresh next month. Things are falling into place and I'm making a place for all the things.

It's a good day in my book.

Booyah.

This and That...

I haven't been here for a bit. We went on vacation, which if you have children you might realize that isn't much of a vacay for Mom. Anyway, for the second time after a Lake Powell trip I ended up at the doctor's with kids due to Lake events. At least this time it wasn't Hulk but Princess & Batman. Princess had a severe allergy attack (ragweed?) & Batman got an ear infection. Fun.

We got home late Monday. Yesterday poor Hulk got a temp cap on his root canal. We go back in a couple of weeks for the "real" crown. He did okay. At least this dentist lets him stay... That's a long story.

This morning I kind of zonked out and am still struggling to get my bearings. I think Hulk has another doctor appt tomorrow. He has a busy life. He starts school Monday. The rest of the brood doesn't start until after Labor Day.

Batman started football which means practice every day. Practices are at the park which I am very glad about since he can walk to and from practice if need be. One less thing I have to haul everyone around for.

Cap stayed at Grandma's house. I miss him. He spent a week at Lake Powell with the church group, then a week with us. He'll be at Grandma's until next weekend when we go to our family reunion. Princess will go back to SLC for school later this month. (Yay, finally she got accepted to LDSBC so both girls will be back in college this semester!)

I am, however, seriously freaking out over my class. For a variety of reasons, some related to funding, I added Spanish 100 to my schedule. Before leaving on vacation I purchased a hard copy of the text to be sure it would be here when we returned and I would be ready for class. Well, apparently they only use the E-book version (with special online features and access codes) which I cannot afford at this time. So I'm in a conundrum.

This is a bit of a random/personal post but I've been thinking about my birthday coming up in a few weeks and how I've done on my blog. I have not posted every day like I wanted to, for various reasons. I'm okay with that "failure" but hoping I am more consistent and figure out what I want to do with this and where I think I'm going with it. Right now it's just something that kind of looms over me like another burden. Since it's one I wanted and felt was important I want to clarify my goals and figure out what my next move will be.

In a few weeks I will be an even number again. I am nearing the end of another decade and am still not completely satisfied with where I am in my life. I have still not finished my schooling. I have not finished writing any one book in particular, I am not blogging consistently (still) and most other areas of my life are still hanging like a silken spider's web that's been broken. I want to close the loops.

"No Poo" and Earth Girl

So I tried going "No Poo" for one week and gave up. Tried again for two weeks, forgot why I was doing it, broke down and freaking washed my hair. Granted we went camping and I went five, yes 5, days without rinsing, washing or anything and it was Naaaaaaaaaaaaasty!

Basically what I was doing was putting 2T. of baking soda in an empty water bottle, adding about 1c. of water, shaking it up and massaging it into my hair and scalp. Then I would rinse that off really well and spray my whole head with a mixture of 1 T. vinegar (I used both apple cider and white) with 1 c. water in a spray bottle, paying close attention to the ends and basically all over. The vinegar was supposed to act as a kind of conditioner but my hair felt like straw for the most part. Yuck.

After rinsing that out really well I would towel my hair (I use those hair-wrap-towels) as much as possible then add Moroccan/Argan oil to my hair and comb it out.

My hair smelled to me. Like sweat. Bleck! Not the look I'm going for.

I hadn't bought any shampoo for a bit and wasn't going to use Superman's "man-scented" stuff so I went to the dollar store and found some Finesse; shampoo and conditioner. I washed my hair twice. Yes, that's 2 times.

And. Oh. Baby, that felt nice.

I haven't decided if it's because it's summer and I just feel Ick. OR if it's just not for me. I don't think I'm going to try that again, however. I don't care how great it is for the environment. I will continue to use my chemically enhanced shampoos and conditioners. I can't wait the three (yes, 3) weeks it's supposed to take to finally "work." No thanks.

Now on to better things. I have this freaking, amazing, 9-year-old niece that is brilliant, can sew and has started her own business. Her business is called Earth Girl and she makes lip balms and sugar scrubs. My brother so very kindly brought me some to sample a few months ago and I've been using it and wanting to talk it about it on my Beauty Blog-day but haven't been very consistent so haven't done it until now.

I have tried and LOVE the cinnamon and chocolate lip balms! I can't decide which one is my favorite! I'm still working on trying some of the other products but my guess I will love them as well. Yes, I'm biased, but really, can you blame me? I mean she's NINE! So creative! and they are wonderful products! Check out the site yourself!

So, I say no to "No Poo," and recommend checking out Earth Girl!

Camping

I have a love/hate relationship with vacations. You see, for me they are never really vacations. I like camping because Superman does most of the work, actually. He puts up the tent, he makes the fires and cooks the food. I help but not a whole lot. So in that respect, it is a vacation for me and I love that.

I also love being with my family. Everyone but Sunshine was there! Last week we went to Mammoth Lakes, the last time I was in that area was when I was 11-years-old and stayed at my friend's cabin for week. Her parents took us on a horseback ride up in the mountains where we stayed overnight (I think). I got to go twice with them, once in the summer (for two weeks) and once in the winter for skiing (one week). It was awesome so I had good memories.

We drove up there without a reservation and were able to get a pretty good spot at June Lake, which is about 20 miles north of Mammoth (City of). It was hot enough for swimming in the lake (June Lake is one of the few lakes up there you can actually swim in) but I didn't. Crackle and Pop did, of course. They have been known to go in the ocean in the winter so ... yeah.

On the 4th we drove south above Crowley Lake and watched some awesome fireworks. We have a tradition of getting KFC but the closest one was over an hour away so we ended up getting Vons chicken instead. It was good and their Mac & Cheese is mighty tasty, if I do say so myself. Superman prides himself on finding the most remote spots and we did pretty good. I was actually a little nervous on the dirt road up a steep hill that basically went nowhere... but then we were joined by another vehicle. Haha!

We spent one day driving around Mammoth and seeing the sights. There are some beautiful mountain views, although we did not go for any hikes. We stopped at the actual Mammoth Resort where the ski lifts and infamous Gondola take people up the mountain. There were lots of mountain bikers, an activity area for kids with a rock wall for kids to climb (Pop did).

We took our puppy with us. That was both entertaining and OY frustrating. She is really good with strangers. So good that we had to tie her up from time to time. She actually barked at some boys who surprised her by coming near our campsite from the road. For the most part she entertained herself, and us, by chewing on sticks, pine cones and anything else she could sink her teeth into; including daddy's face and water bottles.

The drive up was good. We left around 4 am on Wednesday (the 3rd) and arrived mid-day since we had to stop for food and potty (pup, remember). We drove around Mammoth (4-5 campgrounds) before finding the one ... finally.

The drive home was okay. A little stressful. Packing up always stresses out Superman and this trip was no different. We got packed up and headed out by 10 am. Ellie-Mae (the pup) seemed a little stressed and wouldn't pee at stop one (at a rest area) or stop two (in Bishop, where we had lunch at a very crowded Carl's Jr.). She did, however, show her love for daddy by hopping on his lap about a half hour out of Bishop and proceeded to pee all the water and ice we'd been giving her because of the heat.

Needless to say Daddy was not pleased, but puppy is still alive (well and happy) and Daddy still loves her. We did have to make an emergency stop to sop it up and Daddy to change his clothes by the side of the road, this involved rooting through the packed trailer for his bag. At this juncture Ellie-Mae decided she did need to poop. Thank goodness!

Superman was not a happy camper at this point.

Then we hit "going-home-on-the-fourth-of-July-weekend" traffic. We were at a standstill in what felt like 100+ degree heat. Superman turned on Highway to Hell at full blast and we sang as a family.

Good times!

We finally got home around 5 pm-ish, unpacked, showered (so happy to shower after 5 days of grime!) and ate what we could find and took ourselves to bed in our own beds.

Our next trip is in 3 weeks when we take our annual houseboat trip to Lake Powell. I am looking forward to that one. A week+ on the water with extended family where I will get to see Sunshine again!