The *Getting Better* Part

I am. With some things. I feel like I need a massive ToDo list, but doesn't everyone? I mean, really? 

I took this "are you narcissistic" test yesterday and it turns out I am either totally narcissistic or not at all. There was no in-between state for me. The first question stumped me; 

I can become entirely absorbed in thinking about my personal affairs, my health, my cares or my relations to others.

Yep. I do this. But it's relative because when I think "I" it includes Me, my five children and my husband, also the dog and various others; including my parents and siblings, even the occasional Aunt or Uncle reaches my "worry zone." All these trump everyone else. When I stopped to evaluate if this was I as in just Me, well, I still do this more than I want to. I think about my health more than I want to because it tends to get in my way of doing something else.

Harrrrumph!

The obsessive nature I have over my personal affairs have to do with all the things that need doing like phone calls, appointments, school issues (aka assignments), my writing or non-writing (which happens more than I want it to), my health (and what new symptom am I feeling today?), the health of my children, even my adult children's lives and health are my problem worry!

I don't worry too much about my relations to others except that I think I need to do more service. I think doing more service would help me with my other self-obsessive narcissistic worries concerns.

Today I feel better. I made myself do a few things I didn't want to do and that's that beginning of the upward spiral of a down day from having done too much. 

This and That...

I haven't been here for a bit. We went on vacation, which if you have children you might realize that isn't much of a vacay for Mom. Anyway, for the second time after a Lake Powell trip I ended up at the doctor's with kids due to Lake events. At least this time it wasn't Hulk but Princess & Batman. Princess had a severe allergy attack (ragweed?) & Batman got an ear infection. Fun.

We got home late Monday. Yesterday poor Hulk got a temp cap on his root canal. We go back in a couple of weeks for the "real" crown. He did okay. At least this dentist lets him stay... That's a long story.

This morning I kind of zonked out and am still struggling to get my bearings. I think Hulk has another doctor appt tomorrow. He has a busy life. He starts school Monday. The rest of the brood doesn't start until after Labor Day.

Batman started football which means practice every day. Practices are at the park which I am very glad about since he can walk to and from practice if need be. One less thing I have to haul everyone around for.

Cap stayed at Grandma's house. I miss him. He spent a week at Lake Powell with the church group, then a week with us. He'll be at Grandma's until next weekend when we go to our family reunion. Princess will go back to SLC for school later this month. (Yay, finally she got accepted to LDSBC so both girls will be back in college this semester!)

I am, however, seriously freaking out over my class. For a variety of reasons, some related to funding, I added Spanish 100 to my schedule. Before leaving on vacation I purchased a hard copy of the text to be sure it would be here when we returned and I would be ready for class. Well, apparently they only use the E-book version (with special online features and access codes) which I cannot afford at this time. So I'm in a conundrum.

This is a bit of a random/personal post but I've been thinking about my birthday coming up in a few weeks and how I've done on my blog. I have not posted every day like I wanted to, for various reasons. I'm okay with that "failure" but hoping I am more consistent and figure out what I want to do with this and where I think I'm going with it. Right now it's just something that kind of looms over me like another burden. Since it's one I wanted and felt was important I want to clarify my goals and figure out what my next move will be.

In a few weeks I will be an even number again. I am nearing the end of another decade and am still not completely satisfied with where I am in my life. I have still not finished my schooling. I have not finished writing any one book in particular, I am not blogging consistently (still) and most other areas of my life are still hanging like a silken spider's web that's been broken. I want to close the loops.

Almost Done!

I have one more paper to write for school, for my last class (until I start student teaching), then I'm done. Done!

Yes, I'm avoiding, but then I'm also "warming up" by writing a little in my blog... Yeah, that's what I'm telling myself.

So for an FYI I'm just going to explain what I've been doing because in addition to wifing Superman and mothering Sunshine, Princess, Snap, Crackle and Pop, I'm also going to school. I am trying to become a teacher, an English teacher specifically.

Yes I know the teaching profession is a thankless job, especially for secondary educators but I love it! I love reading and writing and I want to share that love. When I go to "Back to School" night for my kids and thumb through their textbooks I get excited. From 7th-12th grade English, I get excited.

Yeah, I'm weird. It's okay. Since there are a ton of English teachers out there I have to assume I am not completely alone in my weirdness. LOL

I left high school in 1983. I did not graduate but took my G.E.D. There were a number of reasons I was not able to graduate with my class and I regret the choices I made in high school but things have worked out and now it's okay.

I tried to go to the local community college but I was so tired of school that I ended up withdrawing from all my classes (and yes, the Ws have followed me ever since). A friend was going to the LDS Business college in Salt Lake City, UT (she was a year behind me) and I started out in 1984 going to school in earnest.

I did very well at the LDS Business College, but I had a goal. I wanted to get into Brigham Young University and go on Study Abroad in London. I did those things. I transferred to BYU in the summer of 1985 and went on Study Abroad London in January of 1986 for six months. It was the best time of my life! I talk about that experience here.

After Study Abroad I took time off from school to go on a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was called to serve in Japan, Kobe mission for 18 months. That was a unique and amazing experience, but definitely different then my time in London!

When I returned from my mission I floundered a bit. I did not have anymore goals. I met with a counselor at BYU and told him I wanted to be a writer but I also wanted to be independent (i.e.; a wage-earner) even with my goal of being a wife and mother. He discouraged me from my goals and basically shrugged at what I could possibly do. 

During the years I vacillated on what I wanted to do between medicine, teaching and English. I was pre-med for a couple of semesters (thus my medical terminology, anatomy & physiology classes), an Elementary Education major, then after Study Abroad I was a History major, then finally I settled on English. I decided, finally, that I wanted to study English even if it wasn't lucrative. It was what I truly loved.

When I got married in 1991 I stopped going to school. I took a few classes after Sunshine was born and finished up my AA so I would have something to show for all the years of schooling. I really Really wanted to finish my BA and took classes on and off in between the years of having kids but it got to be too much. I was even in a cool program with the school district (when I was working as an aide) where they paid for my schooling to become a teacher. At that time I had to change my major to Liberal Studies and I was working toward becoming an Elementary teacher (again) with a Multi-Subject Credential.

But then I got pregnant with Pop and had to drop out. I was too sick to go to school and too sick to even work.

I did go back to work for the school district when Pop was about six months old on a part-time/temporary basis. Then I started back at school--again--this time as an English major & I got a Substitute Teaching Credential and worked as a Sub for a couple of years. After that experience I wasn't sure I ever wanted to teach. At. All. Ever.

I still continued to take classes through the school I am still with today, National University, until the money source went dry and I had to quit again.

When Sunshine was graduating from high school and getting ready to go to college I was filling out the FAFSA for her I discovered that I could get more money for college than her! So I went back.
All my classes have been online. I take one class a month. I have been gung-hoing it for the last two years to finish both my BA and get a Secondary Education Credential. The Teacher Education (TED) classes have been difficult but worthwhile. I also had to take 4 CSET tests and I passed all of them!

I thought I was going to graduate this last May but it turns out I have to do my Student Teaching, which I won't be ready for until September (and the deadline is June) so I won't be able to do it until next year, February 2014, so I will be able to graduate, with my BA and Secondary Ed Credential, next May, 2014!

Booyah!

It only took me 31 years.
And... I'm planning on getting my Masters... and maybe a PhD. I want to teach college.