INtolerance & INfinitives

One of my mottos is “I cannot tolerate intolerance.” I love oxymoron’s like that. By the same token I have realized that an entire classification of words is offensive to me. Infinitives. Thus I have created another motto; “Never use infinitives, they are always wrong!”

I realize that my mottos contradict themselves but that is the nature of the way I think. Both ideas are founded on ignorance. Really, Ignorance is what is intolerable. There is no possible way to know how another person is, believes or feels in their hearts. Being judged is a serious pet-peeve of mine and both definitions require some kind of judgment.

I realize that stereotypes are not always wrong, that’s how they came about in the first place. However, it is seriously ignorant to believe that because a certain group commonly behaves X way therefore ALL of group X ARE this way. What? No! Where is the individualism? Where is the personal choice? What about the exception? There are always exceptions! That’s why infinitives make me crazy.

Infinitives are rude, presumptuous and arrogant. Do not use them around me unless you want to be criticized mercilessly for your obvious ignorance. Common uses: “I am never…” Of course you are! “You are always…” I most definitely am not! Another favorite use, “Every time it happens like this…” Not every time, that’s ridiculous!

Choices are at the root of both my mottos. I believe everyone has the power of personal choice. What we cannot choose are the resulting consequences. We also cannot control others choices. We have to learn to tolerate others freedom to choose. Sometimes the fallout of poor choices affects more than just the one making the choice (which is how bad things happen to good people). Just as we cannot control others choices we also cannot predict them. How often can we even predict our own? Sometimes we find ourselves in a situation we never imagined and suddenly we find ourselves making choices we claimed we would NEVER make! It happens. That is why intolerance is intolerable and infinitives are ignorant. Stay away from them!

Recently a coworker pointed out a news article that seemed contradictory to him. It was about the LDS church and their backing of some gay rights initiatives. The particular issues were regarding employment and housing. The church’s standpoint was that nobody should be denied work or residence based on their sexual preferences. Why is this a surprise to people? One of our basic beliefs is based on tolerance; Article of Faith #11 states, “We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.” You can worship your keychain for all we care, just don’t hurt anyone, steal anything or damage any property while doing it. By the same token, please allow us the same opportunity. This is The Golden Rule at its finest!

While maintaining their stance on marriage (between a man and woman) the church does not contradict its teachings or any of their fundamental beliefs by backing legislature that insures people’s personal rights. We embrace such doctrine! We also allow ourselves the benefit of jurisdiction over church property; thus making same-sex public displays of affection forbidden on such properties, schools or places of worship. That is our prerogative and has nothing to do with personal rights. That couple still has the right to be together in whatever manner they desire, as long as it is not on church property. That’s the issue. We also don’t allow smoking; does that make us racist against smokers? That is ridiculous!

While some may still like to believe that the LDS church is racist, prejudiced, narrow minded and unfair, I tend to believe the opposite. The fact that I am a member is only an indication of what I think they stand for and one of the basic principals is that everyone has their own agency to choose their lifestyle, education, employment, place of residence, mode of worship and familial relationships. It is free choice. The only control they wield is over church membership, properties and privileges. That sounds fair. They make the rules, we can choose to follow or not.

Unfortunately there are members who believe differently. I don’t understand it. I don’t get it, but I know it exists. For whatever reason, they justify judgmental behaviors and intolerance. I have found that these tend to be the same people that use infinitives. Interesting, don’t you think?

No matter what, I believe Intolerance is Intolerable. Ignorance embraces Infinitives. Education inspires and widens the mind. Freedom is the key. I have to tolerate the ignorant that are intolerant and use infinitives. My only grace is that I don’t have to be their friend.

Vicki Hinze on Writing

I am reposting this blurb, courtesy of Vicki Hinze. It is invaluable and I personally need to see this frequently.

"Anna, you wrote: "When should a person give up on becoming a writer if they don't publish?"

I'm going to be blunt; you deserve the unvarnished truth.

If you can quit writing, do it.
If you're meant to write, you won't be able to quit, and that is the fastest, most fool-proof way of determining whether or not you're a writer.

Being a writer and writing to sell are two different things. A writer can write for many reasons aside from selling and still be a writer. It depends on why you're writing.

Many write because they have something to say they want others to hear. That seems from your note to be the group into which you fall. You want to write to sell.

You also say it's a part of you, you feel it deep inside. That means you won't quit. How long it takes is less important than doing it. You're writing for a purpose.

That makes the question, have you defined that purpose? What is it you have to say you want others to hear? Discover that. Explore it.

When you do, you'll be writing with direction and toward your purpose. That means you'll be writing to your author theme.

Every author has one. (Mine's healing. I write stories and books about wounded people healing.) It doesn't matter which genre you write in on this, your theme will follow you because it is the intricate part of you that defines the lens through which you see the world. The things you consider important. How you see the things you consider important.

When we write to our theme, we are writing what comes naturally to us and that puts passion and compassion into the work. It infuses it. And that creates the magic.

It took me 15 books and countless proposals to learn what I've written to you above. Had I learned it earlier I would have respected the writer within the author earlier. But I had to learn via the school of hard knocks with tidbits learned here and there.

The bottom line is it takes what it takes. Keep reading, keep writing, keep studying craft, keep learning. There are a ton of articles on writing in my library. It's free, it's at www.vickihinze.com. I've always spoken frankly about my journey and perhaps in reviewing what's there and on the My Kitchen Table blog, where more often than not, I talk writing, it will spare you some of the challenges I've gotten into and help you in your quest.

The journey is the key. Loving it along the way. For me, writing hasn't been about building a career. It's been about building a purposeful life. One I feel has been worth living.

You see, you can look at many bestselling writers and see unhappy people. People who are always struggling for some undefinable goal. But you can also see many bestselling authors who are content. Still striving in their work, in their lives, but content with their journey because it is infused with purpose.

That intangible makes the difference.

Lastly, Anna, if you feel the desire, then know--don't think, but know--that you're never given the desire without also being given the ability to gain what you need to manifest that desire. As long as you're constructively working toward it, you're succeeding.

Don't give up. Don't give in. Don't focus on selling so much as writing the best book you can possibly write. One that most matters to you.

Each book you write, ask yourself, "If this is the last book I write, is the last book I want to have written." If yes, do it. If not, keep seeking that last book.

Every book demands that kind of intent and focus and desire to be its best. And since you're investing your time in it--that's your life, Anna--shouldn't you also require that much? I say yes. If it's worth this slice of my life, it better be worth it.

And know you're not alone. Brand new or been around a while, every writer needs support and encouragement to keep going sometimes. We all need that, whether or not we admit it aloud--or even to ourselves."

Blogging About Blogging

It’s been a while. And I hate that it’s been so long.

I got a job. That’s the good news and the bad news. I’m gone approx. 10+ hours a day (including travel time). That’s a lot.

When I started my blog I never intended it to be an online personal journal. My goal was to write about things from my perspective. I have kept to that intent yet I find myself struggling with what to say. What can I say that’s new? Funny? Quirky? Or possibly even informative? Those are my real goals. Be profoundly clever. Be informative yet humorous. Alas, my blog lacks in entries and I hope to remedy this.

My new goal is to write two or more blogs per week. As I ruminated earlier, it can be short and sweet like Katie Couric’s short “Page from my Journal” blurbs on CBS radio stations. The point is to write and to write often. I have goals. I have dreams. I have ideas. I also have numerous people living in my head who want out and I am the only one that can do that. They are my creation, thus my responsibility. If their stories ever get told it will be because I finally did what I need to do to get them out. If I sound a little crazy then, yeah. That’s the thing.

I appreciate everyone that reads my blog and hope that I fulfill your expectations of my writing abilities. I have so many people that say such nice things to me and I still worry that I’m just a dork and a slouch with no real talent or ability who is delusional about her ideas. If that is true then just keep it to yourself because I need something to hang onto to keep my sanity and make me believe I’m special.

In other words, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

The Golden Rule Girl

My VBFF (Very Best Friend Forever—who has another nickname I won’t go into today) calls me “The Golden Rule Girl.” I love this, however, I have found that it tends to get me into trouble with those that expect something different. Ah, yes, that lovely word: Expectations. Not something I emphasize too much. I have them; for myself, for my children, of course… However, I don’t judge others based on mine. Well, maybe my children, and a little bit my husband, but certainly not those outside my immediate family. I don’t see the point. No, not even with my parents or siblings. They are who they are and that is no bearing on me. I cannot say for certain that that is reciprocal however.

What it means is that I treat others they way I expect them to treat me. The problem with this is that I have pretty low expectations of others therefore I can tick people off without realizing it. I can also be completely unaware of how my actions affect others. I really have no clue. I do not ever mean to offend but I am sure that I do and have. I am truly sorry if you have been a victim of my complete cluelessness, know that it is not done maliciously or even knowingly. I am just toodling around in my life hoping that other people are not bothered by my seeming indifference. Maybe I am indifferent, if so then it is because I really have no idea.

It also means that I speak my mind. The other missionaries I worked with used to call me “Sister Blunt.” I was not necessarily proud of this distinction, I just really did not know any other way to communicate. I was not and am not much of a flirt. I really do not understand the concept. Why would you not just tell people how you feel? This baffles me.

So if I have perchance, and probably so, offended you in some way, I am sorry. I probably have no idea I have done so. I may or may not have intentionally targeted you or yours. It was certainly not meant to harm, I am just trying to be myself. I am sorry if that offends you but chances are slim that I will change. I like being blunt. I like being straightforward. I like speaking my mind. I also like being unpredictable (read: undependable) but see the downfall to that. I hope this clears it all up for you.

Why Scouting? ...an LDS perspective.

As a parent I want to teach my children to have a strong character and unyielding values. I want to believe that when my job is done I can send my children out into the world confident that they can and will survive, no, can and will thrive! With the Boy Scout program boys can learn basic survival skills and self reliance in a fun group setting while setting and achieving goals, reaping rewards for and understanding the value of hard work and learning independence.          

Our youth are interested in having fun. Scouting should be presented in a way that they feel excited about what they are learning. The activities and skills learned should be geared toward interests and goals of the boys. Some boys feel that they are not “cut out” for Scouting, which means they have a limited understanding of what Boy Scouts has to offer. Maybe they just see the work and not the rewards, maybe their parents are unsupportive of the program or maybe they just lack guidance.

President Gordon B. Hinckley has stated: "I love the Scouting movement. If every boy in America knew and observed the Scout Oath, we would do away with most of the jails and prisons in this country. This program builds boys, builds their futures, leads them on the right path so they can make something of their lives.  Every man or woman who helps a boy along the road of life not only does a great thing for him but does a great thing for society as a whole." The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has embraced the Scouting program for the male youth in the church. Starting from age eight, boys are led in areas of personal growth, loyalty and basic skills. These activities should be reflective on every aspect of their lives. By living the Scout Oath and the Scout Law, each boy commits to being better at everything they attempt. With a pledge that includes “to do my duty” to traditional values, and constantly strive to do their best in worthy causes; a motto that encourages them to “Be Prepared” for whatever may come, and a slogan to “Do a good turn daily,” helps boys realize that they are part of a bigger whole.

In addition to basic survival skills, boys are taught how to be men of strong character. These young men are our future leaders, both political and religious. The Scout Law teaches the boys to be “Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean and Reverent.” These are qualities of social and spiritual leadership. Imagine how society would be if everyone, not just the Boy Scouts strived to live these values daily. Our futures would be secure and we could insure peace around the globe!

Lord Baden Powell, the founding father of the Boy Scouts, was a British military leader. A hero from the British Boer War, he trained boys and men in the skills of scouting for military purposes. Over the years he received letters from former trainees regarding all they had learned under his tutelage that affected their post-military lives in positive ways. Eventually he pondered the idea of training boys as “peacetime” scouts, “ready at all times to help others.”

He believed, “The training would have to be attractive and interesting. Here his own boyhood gave him a clue. He remembered the fun of boating and tramping with his brothers…and the eagerness with which…he had slipped away into the copse to watch animals and make fires and cook rabbits. To all this he could now add his own experiences as a practical pioneer and scout in the army.” (E. Reynolds, Oxford University Press, First printed in 1943.) From these ideas and principals, he began the process of building a training program for boys. He ran a successful camp session at Brownsea in 1907 and the Boy Scouts were officially created in 1910. The Boy Scouts of America were also founded in 1910 by William Boyce who brought some business organization to Baden-Powell’s ideas. Over the years the program has been modified and enhanced to reflect Lord Baden-Powell’s original purposes.

During his military service, R.S.S. Baden-Powell observed the cadet corps and took note of their courage and valor. This group of young, under-age, servants to the military made a positive impression on Lord Baden-Powell and was the beginning of the seed for establishing the Scouting program among the youth. He wrote several books including Aids to Scouting, a military training manual, which became a best-seller. From that he based his program ideas and rewrote the book with an aim toward the youth. He then wrote Scouting for Boys after the Brownsea camp experience and the concepts were adopted worldwide.

The ideas behind the values and principals in Scouting are based on self-discipline and survival skills for the military. The original concepts were conceived to create helpful, strong, physically, mentally and spiritually grounded youth, prepared to be whatever they chose and do what needed to be done under any circumstance. This training would provide leadership for the future and self-reliance to the masses.

One of the biggest purposes of Scouting is to cultivate self-sufficiency, confidence and learning by doing. The motto “Be Prepared” and slogan, “Do a good turn daily,” emphasize this sharing of knowledge and skill. The attitude that Scouts are trained to be helpful, courteous and kind also underscores the need for worldwide acceptance and tolerance necessary for peace. Being loyal, thrifty and brave stresses the need for courage and valor in times of emergency. A man who is trustworthy, friendly and thrifty will be successful in business and make a good employee. To be clean and obedient leads to reverence and spiritual power that is worthy of missionary service and temple marriage.

Some parents and youth are overwhelmed by the amount of work required to fulfill all the requirements for the highest Boy Scout honor of Eagle Scout. It is imperative that this process be an experience of growth. We have been counseled to “raise the bar” and in order to this we need to push ourselves and our youth beyond our comfort zones. We need to help them understand the importance of working hard for those things that are worthwhile and bring success to the future.

Charles W. Dahlquist II, General Young Men President, said, “(There is) majesty that can be part of the activity program of the Aaronic Priesthood, if we apply the principles that caused the Brethren, in 1913, to enter into a partnership with the Boy Scouts of America for the strengthening of the Aaronic Priesthood.  There was inspiration in that decision, as there is inspiration in the decision to continue that decision today. And there must be inspiration in applying the principles of Scouting to strengthen and vitalize the quorums of the Aaronic Priesthood and each young priesthood bearer today.” He also stated, “It is very evident that in those stakes and wards where Scouting is used to strengthen the priesthood, the young men of the Aaronic Priesthood are much stronger and better prepared than they would otherwise have been.”

President Dahlquist has said, “Scouting (is an effective resource) to help support the teachers and priests quorums of the Church raise the bar for these great young men of the Aaronic Priesthood by teaching them timeless values, giving them opportunities to learn and apply leadership skills and develop spiritually, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and socially---all in a fun and enjoyable setting, planned by the young men themselves, with appropriate adult supervision.” The emphasis should be on “a fun and enjoyable setting.” Although earning an Eagle honor should be hard work it should also be fun along the way.

One of the fundamental purposes of the Scouting program is to cultivate a love and appreciation for the outdoors and outdoor activities. However, not all scout activities are required to be outdoors as some young men are not interested in those kinds of events. There are experiences in business, engineering, sciences and the arts that should be emphasized as well. Essentially there are focuses for every type of boy in any circumstance. Each boy should be encouraged to participate in those activities he is interested in as well as those he may not find as enjoyable as this helps cultivate tolerance and acceptance of differences.

Another skill that is important for the youth to learn and understand is the ability to work as a team. Throughout adulthood they will be required to work with others on a variety of projects under a multitude of circumstances. The ability to work well with others is paramount to their success in business, family and personal pursuits. The Boy Scouting program develops this skill through troop participation. They learn the process of delegation and what happens when they, or others, fail to follow through on a commitment. They also learn to forgive and be understanding and tolerant when someone does not fulfill their commitments.

President Dahlquist further said, “The Church continues to follow the programs of the Boy Scouts of America to help its young men 12 to 18 years of age as they magnify their callings in the priesthood. Scouting helps young men develop desirable character traits, citizenship, and physical and mental fitness. The Scouting program teaches young men how to rely on themselves, serve and lead others, prepare for emergencies, conserve natural resources, and become actively involved in community, school, and Church service projects.”

The number of Eagle scouts among our nations’ leaders, both religious and political, is astounding. This list includes Gerald Ford, 38th President of the U.S., James Lovell – Astronaut, Steven Spielberg, Film Director/Producer, Walter Cronkite - Journalist, T.V. commentator, and many church leaders including Howard W. Hunter, 14^th President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. President Thomas S. Monson has said, “It is the mission of the Boy Scouts of America to serve others by helping to instill values in young people and, in other ways, to prepare them to make ethical choices over their lifetime in achieving their full potential.”

Even if a boy does not reach Eagle status, they will reap magnificent rewards for having participated and made an effort to learn, do and be what the Scouting program encourages. A parent will not be remiss for supporting their sons in this program. It is preparation for life; preparation for the future.