The Plan aka The Schedule (shed-yule)

I actually have a plan for my blog. I’ve had it for a while and tried to stick to it but it hasn’t worked out so well. I kind of re-worked it and here it is:

Sacred Sundays: I plan to blog about my beliefs. Things about God. Maybe things about being a Mormon. Maybe things that sound like “the Universal Spirit.” That’s okay too.

Momma Mondays: Are for my family. I’ve been trying to think of cute names for my kids since I think they need pseudonyms. I suppose most of the people who read this blog actually know me but if you don’t I should protect my kids.

My girls are (essentially) out of the house and I will call them Sunshine and Princess. I have been calling them DD#1 (Sunshine) & DD#2  (Princess).

My boys will be called Snap, Crackle and Pop. I don’t know if I can keep this straight but it sounds fun.

And the husband?

I’m going to have to think about that.

Superman—he’s from Pitt, so “the man of steel” –get it? Plus he’s buff & a stud.

That’s my family.

Beauty Tuesdays: (It's called assonance, peeps.) Beauty. I have a lot of ideas about beauty. It is a huge subject for me. I always felt ugly growing up. My hair was wrong. I wore glasses. I sucked my thumb so my teeth have always been crooked. I have had braces twice but they still aren’t right & now I have damaged teeth that I can’t afford to get fixed but I still feel beautiful.

I feel beautiful from the inside—not on the inside—but from. It matters.

I know I’m beautiful.

I know I’m loved.

I think all women should feel that way.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and all women would feel beautiful and loved.

I worked hard for it and I have earned it—okay, had it, lost it, earned it back.

Watchful Wednesdays: Watching, and reading. Stories are my thing. I want to talk about the stories I’m watching, reading and (hopefully) even writing about. I love stories.

Thankful Thursdays: I have been keeping a gratitude journal for two years? I’m not sure but it has helped tremendously during the bad times.

The bad times have not ended but neither has my gratitude.

Fit Fridays. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I am always dieting. Just because I know I’m beautiful doesn’t mean I don’t think I can’t use improvement. I don’t want to talk as much about weight but about feeling healthy and fit. I have Fibromyalgia and it affects every part of my life! The more I eat poorly and don’t exercise the worse I feel.

I know this.

I need help, and encouragement!

Suggestion Saturdays: Optional. Meaning the topic is optional. Maybe if I actually get comments or emails I can talk about stuff that other people bring up.

Comments! What a thought.

So that’s my plan.

September 2 is day 1 of 365.

Happy Birthday to ME!

*I know my alliteration & assonance is annoying as all get out but ... it's my blog, I get to be corny. 

Angry Women?

Today I woke up angry.

I was angry at myself because I could not get up to get Jacob (aka Crackle) off to school on time.

I was angry at myself because I did not get my blog post written and posted in the time I wanted to.

I couldn’t even drum up the gumption to say nothing

That annoyed me.

I spent most of this last week helping DD#2 (aka Princess)  with her school work—the last of the high school classes that needed to be completed online for her diploma.

I have been knocking myself out over Government, Econ, Short Stories and Forensic Science. She has also been working hard and we got it all done.

I am also going to school and I have a final tomorrow. I got all my assignments done except for an Author Study (book report for grownups!) and the Final Exam.

I’m wiped.

But it brings me to the two things I have not talked about but that are a part of this project because they are a part of me.

1.      Commitment

I am afraid to commit. I admit it. For so many years I was strapped to my home, my chores, my children my spouse… I felt controlled by laundry, cleaning, preparing meals, caring for children… and then I had Jacob.

2.      Lazy

I am NOT lazy. I hate that word. I am also not undisciplined, however I do procrastinate. I will admit that fault—if you will—but I am not lazy.

As a matter of fact I found two of my books on procrastination last week when I was sorting through the bookshelves.

I’ll get around to them …sometime.

One of the reasons I wanted to take on a daily blog was so I could express my frustrations (read annoyances & anger) and figure them out. Another reason was because I keep making excuses and I want the excuses to stop keeping me from what I really want to do. If I just make it a habit to write every day and JUST DO IT! Then the issues of commitment and “laziness” will take care of themselves.

Or something like that.

That’s what I believe anyway.

Pardon me while I digress...

OR:Hey, it's still Wednesday in Hawaii!

Today I was supposed to write about my issues with commitment but... a “typical” crazy day ensued and in the end I am frantically trying to get this in (it's after midnight, but I refuse to consider it a fail! ...Hey! It's still the 29^th in Hawaii! LOL)

So here's the thing...

I took DS#1 to get his braces. ...finally! 

He let me take a “before” and “during” picture but not an after...? seriously? Anyway, I promised I wouldn't post it on Facebook, so I'm not... ;)

Then I had school work and general schmoozing around on the internet and thinking about my writing and blah blah blah blah blah...

AND next thing I know it's time to take Jacob to his MRI appointment.

Ugh.

First, I got lost. Then while trying to input the stupid address into my Navigator I rear-ended some poor schmo bumped another car. He was really nice about it but I insisted he take my info anyway.

I can't afford the bad Karma these days!

Turns out I was half way to Long Beach, okay more like 3/4ths. GAH!

(for those of you who don't have a clue...)

So I finally pull my head outta my arse figured it out and get to the place. 

We park (without having to pay! Relief!) and go for a short walk to the address. It was hidden so I felt a little better that I overshot it by almost a block.

Anyway.

They were *supposed to put him out, as in Anesthesia for the MRI but nobody said anything. There was no prep, no discussion. We got handed some ear plugs, Jacob was instructed to lay still and Voila. (Yes, I got to stay).

Huh.

So, I got lost, rear-ended somebody drove all the way to Sunset Blvd in Los Angeles for... what?

Fine. I was glad. I didn't want him to have the drugs anyway. The whole thing scared the poop outta me lasttime!

...and off we go.

And I ran out of gas in the Valley (where the 5 and the 14 meet).

Seriously?

You should know that in the last two months(ish) I have run out of gas three times. One of those times I actually ALSO locked the keys in the car.

No, we do not have AAA.

Combine those with the memories (no, mostly not good) of me running out of gas All. Over. The Antelope Valley, and I have a new book title... Running on Empty

I was eventually rescued. (Someone is getting a home-baked treat tomorrow!)

But Lands, what a night!

So... that's my story and I'm sticking to it as to why my blog went up late...

*Doctor's recommendation.

The 40-Day Thing (aka Lent)

I was a Senior in high school when I first learned about Lent. I was fascinated by the idea. I had a Catholic classmate that gave up sugar (a common sacrifice for Lent I discovered) and put a cramp in our cooking class assignment because of it, but I respected her. I thought it was really cool that she took it seriously and didn’t cheat.

A lot of teens would cheat. I mean it’s not like her parents would know. But she would, and that was impressive to me.

When I was a missionary (for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) in Japan back in the day (late 80s) we used to do this thing called A Season of Sanctification. It was a period of time when we tried to be “perfect.” Yeah, I sucked at it. I loved the goal-setting  and check-off-list making. I Love that! I still make lists, like crazy! I am not so good on the checking-off part. You know, the getting ‘er done. Meh.

So when I came home from my mission I kind of decided to do the Lenten thing and make a sacrifice during the 40 days before Easter. I thought it would help me appreciate the season and bring me closer to the Spirit. I gave up chocolate, sugar, or soda. Sometimes I DID something instead of giving something up. One year I participated in Body-for-Life and went down two sizes!

They say it takes 21 days to make a habit so you’d think I would have a habit after 40+ days but usually not. I would binge before (the year I made the most delicious homemade Boston Cream Pie for Fat Tuesday, notwithstanding!) and binge after. The said year that I did the BFL? I stopped when it was over and if you know that BFL is a 12-week program then you know that I didn’t make it.

In the last 10 years or so I have tried to combine the two ideas. I have tried to create a Season of Sanctification during Lent where I try to do “it all” for 40 days. I have never done it. I usually give up after about 3 days. Meh.

This year, as part of my Blogging goals and my year of the Uneven Number I will be incorporating two Seasons of Sanctification. The first one will begin in November around Thanksgiving (which if you do the math is approximately 40ish days before Christmas) and again in the spring around Lent. My blog posts will be reflective of this goal and I have an outline that I plan to follow. I am hoping that the timing will help to bring me closer to the Spirit of Christmas and Easter, the two most holy of holidays for Christians. I consider myself a True Christian more than anything else. The Golden Rule is the motto of my life. 

Wish me luck... and maybe, bug me? 

I Am What I Am vs. Who I Want To Be.

I am not having an identity crisis.

I know who I am. I am Katrina. I am a daughter, sister, niece, wife, mother, aunt, grand-daughter, cousin.

I have five children. They need me. They will always need me and I would not have it any other way. One needs more from me than I am always capable of giving and this is difficult. I am striving to finally find a balance between Who I Am (now) and Who I Want To Be.

I am losing Me. 

I don't mean in that *good way where you serve and benefit from being of service to other humans (particularly your family) but in that way where your identity and purpose flounder. The struggle makes everyday activities almost impossible. 

I avoid commitment.

I am a hermit. It's easier than saying, "Yes, I'll do that," and then having to cancel because something came up beyond my control. Usually Jacob. 

I suppose I could believe that this time will pass, but it may not. And if I'm not here to keep it going there will be nothing left for me to give.

That's what I'm afraid of.

I am a writer.

Writer's Write (did you know that?) yet I am not. 
Do you see the fiction novels on the shelf nestled between Jude Devereaux and Janet Evanovitch? Yeah, that's where I belong. 

I know this. I have known it for a very long time.

Because I am a great writer! 
(Thanks Lani & the Cherries for always reminding me!)

I am not "in it for the money" because that's silly. 

I am in it because I have stories to tell.

I have thoughts, ideas, and dare I say opinions, about women, and love, and sex [gasp!] and the power we not only do not realize we have, but we generally give away! What? Yes. We GIVE it away.

No. No. No. No. No!

Embrace your power! Know who you are and what you have to give and then GIVE!

That's what I want to do.
That is Who I Want To Be.

*Matthew 16:25 KJV