FYI: I have Opinions

I am sure this comes as a shock to some but it’s true. I have opinions.

I have opinions about parenting children; education, special needs, chores, XXYY, allowance, friends, Autism, schools, food, and clothing.

I have opinions about what movies I watch, what’s on TV, what I listen to on the radio and CD’s (iTunes), and what I read; books, magazines, and even the backs of cereal boxes.

I have opinions about politics; the death penalty, the President, Abortion, illegal immigration, stem cell research, taxes, the Governor (of California) and local issues.

I have opinions about beauty, I do sell Mary Kay cosmetics, after all. But also weight, style, clothing choices and obviously shoes, purses and jewelry.

I have opinions about shopping.

I have opinions about marriage.

I have opinions about exercise, dieting and “food management.”

I have opinions about myself, my friends, my enemies (!), my home, my family and my role as a woman.

I have opinions about God, religion and morality.

I have lots of opinions and I’m going to start expressing them more.

The funny thing about my opinions though, they are flexible. I have strong beliefs (specifically about God) but I’m also very open-minded and enjoy a good argument, ahem, aka “discussion.”

Read on!

Trendy Trimming

I've been able to lose over 40 lbs. using the Metabolism Miracle diet, which I HIGHLY recommend. I have managed to maintain for over a year, but now I am going to try the Dukan Diet to lose the last 20-25 pounds. I am hoping to document my progress, if not every day then at least 3-4 times a week.

I'm not interested in creating a whole new website devoted to this but I really like what this lady has done, so I'm going to keep track of my progress, notes on recipes, what does and doesn't work, etc.

It's also important to make an effort to exercise and I know I need to do that. Maybe keeping notes and talking about it will finally get my fat @$$ off the couch! 

At the Dukan Diet website it asks a few questions to calculate your true weight.

I am 5'5"

The most I have ever weighed is 192 lbs.

The least I have ever weighed is 122 lbs.

My average weight is approx. 145 lbs.

I am small boned.

Here are my results:

There are actually four phases. The last phase they call the stabilization phase where you keep your weight stable for an extended period and are basically free to eat however you want. There are three rules to this phase which are:

1. Have a pure protein day once a week (they call them Protein Thursdays)

2. Walk 20+minutes a day

3. Eat 3 Tablespoons of Oat Bran a day.

here I go.

Who am I?

I used to know who I was. I used to know what I wanted. I used to be able to accomplish things and make commitments. I used to feel up to the challenge, whatever it was. Now I feel like every little thing is a major accomplishment.  It’s not that I cannot do it, it’s not that I will not do it, it’s more a combination of both. I choose what I will and won’t do. I choose what is most important and some things are chosen for me.

I am Katrina. I love to read. I love to write. I love sunshine. I love swimming. I love lemonade and Diet Coke. I love peanuts. I love bread and potatoes but I don’t eat them anymore because they make me feel bad (sick). I love Randy, my husband. I love romances and mysteries. I love my family, my parents, my nieces and nephews. I love my brothers.

I am a mom. I have five children. My oldest is now turning 18 (this week) and my youngest just turned nine in March. Each pregnancy took its toll on my body. I have stretch marks and scars. My three boys nearly killed me, which is why I don’t have more than five! The first ten years of my marriage are a blur because of babies and diapers and nursing and late nights and early mornings and laundry, Laundry, LAUNDRY!

I am a housewife. No, I’m not married to a house. I prefer Home-Maker. I am making a home for my family. A slice of heaven. A place of peace to rest and relax and not feel the anxiety and pressure of the outside world. I am not sure I am truly successful at this job as I know my husband still feels stress. I know clutter and dirt make this difficult for all of us. I try. But, the Laundry. Ugh.

I have Depression. I believe it’s genetic. I am medicated but not every day is good. The medication makes it easier to cope, it is not a “Happy Pill.” I struggle with sleep; either not getting enough or getting too much. I struggle with motivation, like doing even the things I love to do. I struggle at different times of day, at different seasons of the year and at odd times every day.

I am overweight. I lost over 40 pounds in 2009 but I can’t seem to lose the last 25-30 pounds. It’s making me crazy. I hate to sweat. I don’t really like exercise. I have never felt that “Runner’s High” or the release of endorphins when I exercise. All I’ve ever felt is tired and sore. Supposedly exercise helps with depression but for me it only makes me feel worse. And the anticipation of exercise is even worse! LOL

I have a son with 48 chromosomes. He has Klinefelter’s Syndrome XXYY variant. I can’t really tell you what all that means except that he’s difficult. He has to be taught everything. From how to walk to how to lick his upper lip; he had to be taught. He is almost 13 and is sometimes out of control. I’m no longer embarrassed by his behavior but it does frighten me. I am afraid for when he is older and bigger and might actually hurt himself or someone else.

This is my blog and I am hoping there are other women (or men) out there like me. People who struggle with who they are and what they are supposed to be doing. We are humans. We have faults. We struggle. I’m looking to not be struggling alone.

Failure is not an Option

I love finding out that things are misquoted, or just simply made up because Hollywood likes the sound of it. This infamous Apollo 13 movie quote was never actually uttered but was understood by those who worked on the project. Losing men during the Apollo missions was devastating, the worst being the loss of Gus Grissom, Edward White II and Roger Chaffee during the Apollo 1 Launch Rehearsal. The concept of Failure to bring Apollo 13 home was unthinkable and the knowledgeable and dedicated workers persevered until Jim Lovell, Jack Swigert and Fred Haise returned. It was a miracle, in a sense, but truthfully the miracle is the human spirit that refused to quit. I believe that Failure actually only occurs when you choose to Quit.

When I was eighteen I had an interesting discussion with my father. We were visiting Brian Head, Utah for the first time and six of us were sharing a tiny two room condo and enjoying some family vacation time. My father and I stayed up late one night talking. He was concerned about me because I was not interested in going back to college. He asked me, “Aren‘t you afraid of failure?” The concept baffled me. How could I fail if I did not begin? Furthermore, how could I fail if I never quit? I did go back to college and am still pursuing that dream, however I do not consider myself a failure for not finishing sooner. It is a regret but not a failure because I refuse to quit. I will quit pursuing my educational goals when I can no longer breathe.

Furthermore, I refuse to quit on many other things in my life. I refused to quit on my marriage and family although at times the idea has seemed appealing. I refuse to quit on my Special Needs son who makes me mostly crazy but I love dearly. I refuse to quit on my dreams because I don’t know where they will take me. I just keep going. As long as I keep trying I am not quitting therefore I cannot fail. Once I decide to Quit, I am a Failure.

Sometimes I think I am afraid of success. I am somewhat concerned about my abilities to follow through on deadlines and consistency. Commitments frighten me. Some of it is legitimate as I am often called away to take care of my children or some other similar concern. However, it is also the idea that my creative energy has to be harnessed and tamed to produce at will. I still am not disciplined enough for that kind of obligation. Maybe.

I’m trying, however. And until I quit I do not consider myself a FAILURE.

New Year's Resolutions

I don’t believe in Resolutions. Probably it goes back to the way I feel about Always and Never since a Resolution usually involves that thought process. Also, because I have discovered that I’m commitment-phobic--and no, not the “I can’t commit to marriage” commitment phobia, but the “Oh Lord, I have a deadline?” Phobia. Oh, and I have at least two books on Procrastination on my bookshelf that I didn’t purge, nor have I read, although I’ve had them both for over ten years…

I do believe in Goals. I love goals. I am always revising, revamping, reworking, and resetting Goals! I also love all the charts and graphs you can make when you set goals. They are cool and fun and you can color code them and make them with squares big enough for checkmarks or even small stickers! Yeah, I’m all about the checking stuff off…

Many years ago I wrote a list of Ten Goals I wanted to Accomplish out of my life. So far I’ve done like eight of them. Not too shabby. But the two or three left are pretty huge. Graduate from College. Oh, and not just any college, I was specific, I want to graduate from Brigham Young University. Yeah, that’s still a goal. Get published? Yeah, that’s a goal. Even though I have technically achieved that goal a couple of times (yep, even got paid!) I know it’s not really done because my real goal is to have books by the checkout register at the grocery store with embarrassing covers on them with my name splattered across the top…

Bodice Ripping Drama: Dripping with Sappy Lines and Sexy, Rich Heroes/Heroines… BY KATRINA DUVALOIS!!! Yeah, I want to embarrass my family. But I don’t really write that stuff… haha, gotcha didn’t I!

I like reviewing my goals frequently. I am always trying to improve so it’s not difficult to revamp and rework my goals. What is difficult is accepting what I can and cannot do. And I have to add that I believe it’s a Can and Cannot RIGHT NOW. Because RIGHT NOW I am not working on the college goal. I have no education goals for this year, except to get my oldest child graduated and off to college. I tell my kids to GET IT DONE because trying to do it later stinks. It’s too hard. My only Education-related goal for myself this year is to read. A lot. And from the booklists of classics and recommended reading for Masters of English. Just because I don’t have the paper doesn’t mean I can’t do the reading.

Writing? Well that baby is in motion. I have some serious writing goals for this year. Mostly because I don’t want a real job, I have to justify my time someway. I really Really REALLY want to FINISH a novel. Finish as in Beginning to Middle to End. And it makes sense, and it’s Edited and it’s ready to Submit. I have the most amazing outlines for at least two novels right now. I have no trouble stymie-ing myself so I’m only on Chapter 4 of 25 on one of them. Yeah, I could use some PRODDING. [hint, hint]

The other area of my life that needs work is purely financial. I have started and stuck to my spending fast. I accidentally bought something on Ebay over the holidays but when it arrived I gave it to my daughter (didn’t fit me anyway--haha) so that was a wash… And if you haven’t done Ebay then you don’t know how easy it is to “accidentally” buy something… No books. No clothes. And even more impressive; No Shoes! I’m starting to feel the itch but my family’s needs are more important so it’s fine. [twitch]

Mary Kay Ash said, You don’t change the goal, you just change the date. That’s my goal for this year. To keep my goals and just keep plugging away until they become reality. At least I only have a couple of areas to really work on. Or at least that I am going to work on. Sorry everyone. Not much of a New Leaf for me. Just a better, improved me. That’s the goal. But it’s not my Resolution. I don't believe in them.