Why I Write.

Lately, when I've had time, I've been finding that I don't want to write. It's bugging me. I am a writer. Still, when my kids ask me what I want to do when I grow up I say, Be a Writer! It's just part of who I have always been. So maybe I'm having an identity crisis? I don't know but lately, I don't wanna...

I don't like feeling like this. I don't know how to make it go away. It's not so much that I don't know what to write (I have so many ideas it's mind-boggling) or even that I don't have time to write (because I believe you make time for what's important) but really, why write? Like what I have to say or how I want to say it is not important. I don't mean in the grand scheme of things, I realize that as a Romance writer I am telling love stories with happy endings. I like that. I like Romantic Comedies. I just don't know if it's important anymore. It used to be, and I want that back.

The reason I want to write romance (here we go) is because I do believe in happy endings. I don't mean the kind like in fairy tales, that's nonsense, but in the kind where a girl meets a boy and the stars align and fireworks go off and they prance off into the fading sunset... which turns into a harsh desert landscape filled with dirty diapers and unpaid bills. *snort* Then that sweet young couple has a "Come to Jesus" moment and they fall in love again and again and again... or maybe they don't. Maybe that couple experiences a hiccup in life that skews the HEA. Maybe one of them dies. So then we have another story. Woman meets man... 

I believe in love. I believe in "true love." I don't believe in "Soul Mates." I believe that time, place, personal preparation and experience are all part of the picture. I believe some people never feel that "true love" feeling and that makes me sad. I also believe that some people feel it several times a day (or it seems that way). And eventually, I'd like them to have an HEA as well. Or maybe, I'll write a story about a woman that just needs to learn to love herself. I like those too. Not every woman needs a man. Even in my head!

So is that important? Does it matter? Should I just write them down anyway because they're there? I think I should. I just hope I'm not wasting my time. And maybe that is what's discouraging me. Maybe I'm just afraid. I'm just afraid I'm wasting my time. 

So, go ahead. Please tell me I'm not. 

I'll wait...

Who Am I?

There are lots of things about me that people don't know, maybe they do because I talk about them, write about them and often post on social media about them. Still, I think there are things people don't know. 

1. I believe in myself, most of the time. 
Having a caveat to believing in myself means that I have room for improvement. I think I'm worth the time it takes to develop a good habit and I think good habits are healthy. The *most of the time* means that I often forget that keeping up with good habits will, ultimately, in the long run, make me happier. 

2. I believe in God.
I am grateful for my faith. I am also grateful for my Faith. I am a Mormon. I believe in all kinds of *crazy* stuff like ghosts, angels and afterlife. I believe that I am loved. I believe that I am important to God but that he doesn't make an *easy* path for me (or anyone) just because I believe. I believe that Jesus is my spiritual brother and that he came to earth, lived and died for all mankind. It's pretty heavy stuff, and a little *out there* if you think about it, but I believe it. 

3. I believe in marriage.
I don't think marriage is easy. I think the pinnacle of society is the family. I think children deserve to be loved, cherished, cared for and taken care of. I believe it is a parents job to teach their children how to behave in society, how to succeed and what is important. 

4. I believe I'm a writer.
I don't do it often enough. I don't blog enough. I don't spend enough time on my *stories* and I don't spend enough time writing my personal story for my descendants. But I spend more time than a "non-writer" and I spend a lot of time trying to figure out how I want to tackle this particular "skill." I know I need to write more and I'm working on it.

5. I believe in being healthy.
I don't "diet" per se. I've talked a lot about that. I do believe in being fit. I do believe in taking care of our bodies so they can perform to their upmost ability. I do my best. I am a little lazy in this department for a variety of reasons. I dispute certain diagnoses since the undermine my desire to be better. 

This is my focus for this year. These are my "goals" because I have identified who I truly believe I am and who I want to be.