I have one more paper to write for school, for my last class (until I start student teaching), then I'm done. Done!
Yes, I'm avoiding, but then I'm also "warming up" by writing a little in my blog... Yeah, that's what I'm telling myself.
So for an FYI I'm just going to explain what I've been doing because in addition to wifing Superman and mothering Sunshine, Princess, Snap, Crackle and Pop, I'm also going to school. I am trying to become a teacher, an English teacher specifically.
Yes I know the teaching profession is a thankless job, especially for secondary educators but I love it! I love reading and writing and I want to share that love. When I go to "Back to School" night for my kids and thumb through their textbooks I get excited. From 7th-12th grade English, I get excited.
Yeah, I'm weird. It's okay. Since there are a ton of English teachers out there I have to assume I am not completely alone in my weirdness. LOL
I left high school in 1983. I did not graduate but took my G.E.D. There were a number of reasons I was not able to graduate with my class and I regret the choices I made in high school but things have worked out and now it's okay.
I tried to go to the local community college but I was so tired of school that I ended up withdrawing from all my classes (and yes, the Ws have followed me ever since). A friend was going to the LDS Business college in Salt Lake City, UT (she was a year behind me) and I started out in 1984 going to school in earnest.
I did very well at the LDS Business College, but I had a goal. I wanted to get into Brigham Young University and go on Study Abroad in London. I did those things. I transferred to BYU in the summer of 1985 and went on Study Abroad London in January of 1986 for six months. It was the best time of my life! I talk about that experience here.
After Study Abroad I took time off from school to go on a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was called to serve in Japan, Kobe mission for 18 months. That was a unique and amazing experience, but definitely different then my time in London!
When I returned from my mission I floundered a bit. I did not have anymore goals. I met with a counselor at BYU and told him I wanted to be a writer but I also wanted to be independent (i.e.; a wage-earner) even with my goal of being a wife and mother. He discouraged me from my goals and basically shrugged at what I could possibly do.
During the years I vacillated on what I wanted to do between medicine, teaching and English. I was pre-med for a couple of semesters (thus my medical terminology, anatomy & physiology classes), an Elementary Education major, then after Study Abroad I was a History major, then finally I settled on English. I decided, finally, that I wanted to study English even if it wasn't lucrative. It was what I truly loved.
When I got married in 1991 I stopped going to school. I took a few classes after Sunshine was born and finished up my AA so I would have something to show for all the years of schooling. I really Really wanted to finish my BA and took classes on and off in between the years of having kids but it got to be too much. I was even in a cool program with the school district (when I was working as an aide) where they paid for my schooling to become a teacher. At that time I had to change my major to Liberal Studies and I was working toward becoming an Elementary teacher (again) with a Multi-Subject Credential.
But then I got pregnant with Pop and had to drop out. I was too sick to go to school and too sick to even work.
I did go back to work for the school district when Pop was about six months old on a part-time/temporary basis. Then I started back at school--again--this time as an English major & I got a Substitute Teaching Credential and worked as a Sub for a couple of years. After that experience I wasn't sure I ever wanted to teach. At. All. Ever.
I still continued to take classes through the school I am still with today, National University, until the money source went dry and I had to quit again.
When Sunshine was graduating from high school and getting ready to go to college I was filling out the FAFSA for her I discovered that I could get more money for college than her! So I went back.
All my classes have been online. I take one class a month. I have been gung-hoing it for the last two years to finish both my BA and get a Secondary Education Credential. The Teacher Education (TED) classes have been difficult but worthwhile. I also had to take 4 CSET tests and I passed all of them!
I thought I was going to graduate this last May but it turns out I have to do my Student Teaching, which I won't be ready for until September (and the deadline is June) so I won't be able to do it until next year, February 2014, so I will be able to graduate, with my BA and Secondary Ed Credential, next May, 2014!
Booyah!
It only took me 31 years.
And... I'm planning on getting my Masters... and maybe a PhD. I want to teach college.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Friday, June 28, 2013
Still Not Dieting...
I don't believe in diets but do believe in dietary changes (even temporary ones) to lose weight or improve health. The last time I visited my doctor she listed "Obese" as one of my "illnesses" and told me I have a "Sluggish Metabolism." Really? I've been saying this for years. I know I can't eat like anyone else, I have to think about everything that goes into my mouth. It's annoying. I don't like the message it sends to my kids and I don't like how it makes me feel about myself.
Recently I have been really trying to be better about my eating because I can tell the difference on how I feel. That's what I think a "diet" should be about. Yes I want to lose weight but it's mostly because at my current weight things are uncomfortable for me. That's what matters. That and the fact that my blood pressure is too high (I have to take meds and I'd rather not). I know what to do and I've been striving to do it but when I don't have the "right" foods available it's difficult.
I also crave sweets. Chocolate mostly. Which isn't taboo on my "diet" but I have to be careful of sugars so I have to make my own sweets and --to be honest-- I don't like taking the time. So if I cheat it's to sneak a Reese's cup or a handful of chocolate chips (with peanuts, yummy!) to satisfy the craving.
The eating plan I love and know works for my body type is outlined in The Metabolism Miracle. I learned years ago that I have "Metabolism B" or what is also known as a sluggish metabolism. So the information from my doctor was not news, nor was it a surprise. I know what I have to do and I know it works. By eating the way I know I have to I lost 5 lbs in about 10 days. Yay! But I haven't lost anymore because I've been "cheating" too much with the carbs lately.
We went shopping and now I have a house full of the right foods so I should be doing better soon and when I lose a little more I will feel more comfortable with exercise as well. It's a Catch-22 for me. When I'm too heavy even walking is painful. That's bad. And that's why I "go on a diet." Because it's not really a diet, it's the way I have to eat.
I highly recommend The Metabolism Miracle to anyone that struggles with a sluggish or slow metabolism. That's who it's geared toward. A sluggish metabolism is connected with pre-diabetes, PCOS, Type 2 Diabetes, menopause & a myriad other dis-eases. I recommend taking the test on the website to see if it would work for you!
In the meantime I am off to eat my cottage cheese & protein shake!
Recently I have been really trying to be better about my eating because I can tell the difference on how I feel. That's what I think a "diet" should be about. Yes I want to lose weight but it's mostly because at my current weight things are uncomfortable for me. That's what matters. That and the fact that my blood pressure is too high (I have to take meds and I'd rather not). I know what to do and I've been striving to do it but when I don't have the "right" foods available it's difficult.
Yummy! |
I also crave sweets. Chocolate mostly. Which isn't taboo on my "diet" but I have to be careful of sugars so I have to make my own sweets and --to be honest-- I don't like taking the time. So if I cheat it's to sneak a Reese's cup or a handful of chocolate chips (with peanuts, yummy!) to satisfy the craving.
The eating plan I love and know works for my body type is outlined in The Metabolism Miracle. I learned years ago that I have "Metabolism B" or what is also known as a sluggish metabolism. So the information from my doctor was not news, nor was it a surprise. I know what I have to do and I know it works. By eating the way I know I have to I lost 5 lbs in about 10 days. Yay! But I haven't lost anymore because I've been "cheating" too much with the carbs lately.
We went shopping and now I have a house full of the right foods so I should be doing better soon and when I lose a little more I will feel more comfortable with exercise as well. It's a Catch-22 for me. When I'm too heavy even walking is painful. That's bad. And that's why I "go on a diet." Because it's not really a diet, it's the way I have to eat.
I highly recommend The Metabolism Miracle to anyone that struggles with a sluggish or slow metabolism. That's who it's geared toward. A sluggish metabolism is connected with pre-diabetes, PCOS, Type 2 Diabetes, menopause & a myriad other dis-eases. I recommend taking the test on the website to see if it would work for you!
In the meantime I am off to eat my cottage cheese & protein shake!
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Good things
I know I have a lot of good things in my life. I love my kids. They are a lot of work but they make me happy and whole. As I mentioned earlier this week, I don't think I'm the greatest mother in the world but I do love my kids. I want them to be happy, successful and fulfilled.
I love my husband. He is a good man. He makes me laugh, a lot. He works hard, harder than anyone I know, and is tenacious. He is a great example to me of someone that gets things done!
I have amazing parents, who are still married to each other. I love them dearly and don't like that they are getting old. I am getting old so, yeah, so are they. I don't like it. They are still very active and very much a part of our lives and I am so grateful for that.
I love my brothers. Even though I don't talk to them as much as I probably should, or would like to, I love them all. I worry about their families and want for them what I want for my own children; to be happy, successful, fulfilled.
I have good friends. Some at church, some not. My BFF, Gypsy, is my lifeline.
I love going to school and am grateful for that opportunity. I don't want to stop. Yeah, I'm a little nuts.
I have a good life. I am frustrated by things that could be easily fixed with money but money isn't everything. I think it provides freedom and that's the only Harrumph! I have about it. I could use a little more freedom. But it's not everything, I have a lot of freedom. I don't have to spend most of my day looking for food, preparing it and making sure my kids are fed, clothed and warm. Those things are easy.
I am grateful for God in my life. I love God and have had a relationship since I was young, before I even really had a clear concept of who God was. I was born that way.
Today is a good day and I have gratitude.
A few highlights:
I love my husband. He is a good man. He makes me laugh, a lot. He works hard, harder than anyone I know, and is tenacious. He is a great example to me of someone that gets things done!
I have amazing parents, who are still married to each other. I love them dearly and don't like that they are getting old. I am getting old so, yeah, so are they. I don't like it. They are still very active and very much a part of our lives and I am so grateful for that.
I love my brothers. Even though I don't talk to them as much as I probably should, or would like to, I love them all. I worry about their families and want for them what I want for my own children; to be happy, successful, fulfilled.
I have good friends. Some at church, some not. My BFF, Gypsy, is my lifeline.
I love going to school and am grateful for that opportunity. I don't want to stop. Yeah, I'm a little nuts.
I have a good life. I am frustrated by things that could be easily fixed with money but money isn't everything. I think it provides freedom and that's the only Harrumph! I have about it. I could use a little more freedom. But it's not everything, I have a lot of freedom. I don't have to spend most of my day looking for food, preparing it and making sure my kids are fed, clothed and warm. Those things are easy.
I am grateful for God in my life. I love God and have had a relationship since I was young, before I even really had a clear concept of who God was. I was born that way.
Today is a good day and I have gratitude.
A few highlights:
- Superman "gets" to work at Catalina today. Jerk. That means I don't have to make dinner, it's YOYO! (You're On Your Own)
- I have five papers to write for my last class before student teaching. They're due before Saturday. Yes I procrastinated. Yes I'm still procrastinating. ::sigh::
- The puppy isn't making me crazy so much anymore. Thank goodness for the crate!
- All the kids are home now, school is over. A blessing and a curse.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Books, Movies & TV!
I've been busy... I guess, or rather, actually I have just not posted any reviews in a while so I'm covering several things today.
First I want to talk about a couple of books. I recently finished The Language of Flowers (one of the books from my aunt) and I loved it! I am not a gardener but this book talks about all kinds of plants and their meanings. The story unravels in a good way and although there were some discrepancies in the story (head-scratching things that distracted me), overall I truly enjoyed this book and after it was over I kept thinking about it. That indicates a well-told story to me. I highly recommend this book. I wouldn't call it a light read, or a romance but it is well-written and worth it.
I also read the entire Lily Bard series by Charlaine Harris. I read recently that she will not be writing anymore in this series and I can see why. One thing about Ms. Harris' writing that I find amusing is that her characters go about their everyday business (like house cleaning) and Ms. Harris writes about it. I don't know if that's a southern thing or just something the author thinks about but I've noticed it in all her books. Sookie does a lot of house cleaning as well. Interesting.
The Lily Bard series was captivating and I enjoyed the mysteries. Each book is pretty short and per Ms. Harris style, does not go exactly as you expect. A mystery I cannot solve in the first chapter is a good read for me.
I am currently rereading a Georgette Heyer (The Grand Sophy). I absolutely adore Ms. Heyer's work and will be rereading a few of her books.
Over the weekend I watched two new movies. Man of Steel is the new Superman movie and I have to say I absolutely loved it. The story moved around in history and covered nearly everything the first three Christopher Reeve Superman movies did in only 143 minutes! Russell Crowe (not singing!) and Kevin Costner played Jor-El and Jonathan Kent (respectively) and both were magnificent. Diane Lane did a fine job as Martha Kent and surprisingly I thought Amy Adams' Lois Lane was perfect. She was brave as well as accident-prone as we expect from Superman's love interest. There was also a tiny bit with Lana Lang (Clark's high school sweetie) and a bit of Smallville. The Hercules/Jesus mythology was strong and Henry Cavill's Superman was an admirable and archetypal example (even though he's really a Brit). I liked the portrayal of Superman's humanity. I look forward to another one!
I also saw World War Z with Brad Pitt. He looks delicious, as usual. Portraying a family man who worked for the U.N., he is basically forced to go back to work to help find "Patient Zero" in this newest Zombie flick. I love Zombies so I was excited to see this movie. I did not read the book and am unaware of the differences. I know that they changed the ending (originally this movie was supposed to be part of a trilogy) and the issue is basically resolved so I don't think there will be any sequels. (It wouldn't really make sense.)
The Zombies in this movie move faster than any other Zombie I've seen. Other than that they look the same. Some of the other issues were that it only takes a bite to change into a Zombie (unlike The Walking Dead, where all you have to do is die). While not finding a cure, [SPOILER ALERT] Pitt's character does find a vaccine. This is an entirely new concept in my understanding of Zombie-verses. I am kind of interested in reading the book now, just kind of.
I talk a lot about Buffy (the Vampire Slayer) but I have also been watching Angel. I am on Season 5 of Buffy now and Season 2 of Angel. I have to say that so far I enjoyed Season 1 of Angel more than 2. Buffy is still keeping me fascinated (the impromptu entrance of her sister is interesting).
Angel is ticking me off, but I think we're supposed to have myriad emotions with this character because Vampires are inherently evil and he struggles against this natural tendency, which makes him very intriguing.
Recently I found a BBC series called Copper and I watched the first episode. I love period pieces and this one takes place in New York City in 1864. Considering it's BBC I'm thinking it must be pretty authentic and I thoroughly enjoyed the first episode. I will be continuing to watch this.
Season 3 of The Glades finally came out and I watched all of those in less than a week which explains why I'm behind on my school work. I now have six essays (750 words each) to finish up by Saturday. No problem. I enjoy The Glades because it's in Florida, they're mysteries, and the main character is easy on the eyes and quirky. All things I love.
So that is what I've been up to lately with my free time.
First I want to talk about a couple of books. I recently finished The Language of Flowers (one of the books from my aunt) and I loved it! I am not a gardener but this book talks about all kinds of plants and their meanings. The story unravels in a good way and although there were some discrepancies in the story (head-scratching things that distracted me), overall I truly enjoyed this book and after it was over I kept thinking about it. That indicates a well-told story to me. I highly recommend this book. I wouldn't call it a light read, or a romance but it is well-written and worth it.
I also read the entire Lily Bard series by Charlaine Harris. I read recently that she will not be writing anymore in this series and I can see why. One thing about Ms. Harris' writing that I find amusing is that her characters go about their everyday business (like house cleaning) and Ms. Harris writes about it. I don't know if that's a southern thing or just something the author thinks about but I've noticed it in all her books. Sookie does a lot of house cleaning as well. Interesting.
The Lily Bard series was captivating and I enjoyed the mysteries. Each book is pretty short and per Ms. Harris style, does not go exactly as you expect. A mystery I cannot solve in the first chapter is a good read for me.
I am currently rereading a Georgette Heyer (The Grand Sophy). I absolutely adore Ms. Heyer's work and will be rereading a few of her books.
Man of Steel--Full Cast |
Brad Pitt looking yummy ... as usual. |
I also saw World War Z with Brad Pitt. He looks delicious, as usual. Portraying a family man who worked for the U.N., he is basically forced to go back to work to help find "Patient Zero" in this newest Zombie flick. I love Zombies so I was excited to see this movie. I did not read the book and am unaware of the differences. I know that they changed the ending (originally this movie was supposed to be part of a trilogy) and the issue is basically resolved so I don't think there will be any sequels. (It wouldn't really make sense.)
The Zombies in this movie move faster than any other Zombie I've seen. Other than that they look the same. Some of the other issues were that it only takes a bite to change into a Zombie (unlike The Walking Dead, where all you have to do is die). While not finding a cure, [SPOILER ALERT] Pitt's character does find a vaccine. This is an entirely new concept in my understanding of Zombie-verses. I am kind of interested in reading the book now, just kind of.
I talk a lot about Buffy (the Vampire Slayer) but I have also been watching Angel. I am on Season 5 of Buffy now and Season 2 of Angel. I have to say that so far I enjoyed Season 1 of Angel more than 2. Buffy is still keeping me fascinated (the impromptu entrance of her sister is interesting).
Wesley, (Charles) Gunn, Angel, Cordelia |
Buffy and Dawn Summers |
Angel is ticking me off, but I think we're supposed to have myriad emotions with this character because Vampires are inherently evil and he struggles against this natural tendency, which makes him very intriguing.
Recently I found a BBC series called Copper and I watched the first episode. I love period pieces and this one takes place in New York City in 1864. Considering it's BBC I'm thinking it must be pretty authentic and I thoroughly enjoyed the first episode. I will be continuing to watch this.
Matt Passmore/Jim Longworth |
So that is what I've been up to lately with my free time.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Flower Beauty
I am a huge Drew Barrymore fan. I have been since E.T. through Never Been Kissed & Ever After and every Adam Sandler collaboration ever; Wedding Singer, 50 First Dates, and they are currently making a movie called "Blended."
Today is Beauty Tuesday. In my role as Beauty Advocate I am telling you about some new products that are available. In addition to her busy celebrity life, Drew started a new makeup company that came out recently (sold in Walmart) called Flower Beauty.
All the reviews I've seen have been good although I haven't tried any of it yet. Today I came across some tutorials Drew herself is making with beauty tips using Flower Beauty products that come out every Tuesday.
How cool is that?
My favorites are the bronzer tutorial (watch and learn about the "magic 3") and the eyeliner. She discusses the merits of brown over black eyeliner and I happen to agree with her.
Excited to add some Flower Beauty products to my shopping cart the next time I am out!
Thanks Drew!
Today is Beauty Tuesday. In my role as Beauty Advocate I am telling you about some new products that are available. In addition to her busy celebrity life, Drew started a new makeup company that came out recently (sold in Walmart) called Flower Beauty.
All the reviews I've seen have been good although I haven't tried any of it yet. Today I came across some tutorials Drew herself is making with beauty tips using Flower Beauty products that come out every Tuesday.
How cool is that?
My favorites are the bronzer tutorial (watch and learn about the "magic 3") and the eyeliner. She discusses the merits of brown over black eyeliner and I happen to agree with her.
Excited to add some Flower Beauty products to my shopping cart the next time I am out!
Thanks Drew!
Monday, June 24, 2013
Not Whining About Forgiveness...
In my quest to not be a whiner (and to blog every day) I am writing today about forgiveness. As a parent, specifically. Forgiving our parents and forgiving our children.
I'm not about expectations. I think they are appropriate in certain settings, like school for instance, as there is a level you want to reach before adding more information or learning. But when it comes to behavior I believe expectations should be outlined pretty clearly and when they aren't followed or aren't followed as specifically as you hope then you need to let the rest go.
There are definitely lines that can be crossed as a child or parent, abuse for instance is unforgivable in the sense the you should never allow yourself to be in the position to be abused again, but that doesn't mean you never ever forgive the abuser. You need to forgive to let go of the poison in your mind but it's not a carte blanche for more abuse. Never!
I think the way for forgiveness is through understanding and empathy. When you become a parent you realize that your parents probably did the best they could with what they knew (this philosophy is very similar to the way I feel about regret). We all make mistakes. Nobody will ever be the perfect parent. Anyone who thinks they can or will be is mistaken. Your children will find something to criticize no matter how much you try to be unlike your parents. Actually, it's kind of funny how that works. You try to Not be like your parent and your kids will still find something you did wrong. It's inevitable. It doesn't mean they don't love you but it does mean when they are a parent they will, in turn, probably do things differently than you and their kids will --inevitably-- find something wrong.
I pretty much guarantee that.
The point is that we must learn to forgive our parents for being weak and human and faulty. I truly believe that they (generally) try their best and we have to give them kudos for that.
It is us, the unforgiving, that ultimately suffer when we don't forgive. It doesn't mean you have to be close or even have a relationship (as I stated above, NEVER allow abuse to occur) but you do have to forgive or it bogs you down.
I am always hoping my kids will forgive me. I try to be a good mom but I know I fail. I know my kids love me and there are aspects of my relationship with my children that I know I excel at but others... well, let's just say I hope when they have children they will see how hard I tried to be the best I could with what I knew and know.
More than anything I want them to know that I love them and in my fumblings as a parent I only want them to be happy and more successful than me. That's my goal, and I believe the goal of any good parent.
I'm not about expectations. I think they are appropriate in certain settings, like school for instance, as there is a level you want to reach before adding more information or learning. But when it comes to behavior I believe expectations should be outlined pretty clearly and when they aren't followed or aren't followed as specifically as you hope then you need to let the rest go.
There are definitely lines that can be crossed as a child or parent, abuse for instance is unforgivable in the sense the you should never allow yourself to be in the position to be abused again, but that doesn't mean you never ever forgive the abuser. You need to forgive to let go of the poison in your mind but it's not a carte blanche for more abuse. Never!
I think the way for forgiveness is through understanding and empathy. When you become a parent you realize that your parents probably did the best they could with what they knew (this philosophy is very similar to the way I feel about regret). We all make mistakes. Nobody will ever be the perfect parent. Anyone who thinks they can or will be is mistaken. Your children will find something to criticize no matter how much you try to be unlike your parents. Actually, it's kind of funny how that works. You try to Not be like your parent and your kids will still find something you did wrong. It's inevitable. It doesn't mean they don't love you but it does mean when they are a parent they will, in turn, probably do things differently than you and their kids will --inevitably-- find something wrong.
I pretty much guarantee that.
The point is that we must learn to forgive our parents for being weak and human and faulty. I truly believe that they (generally) try their best and we have to give them kudos for that.
My Aspirations are not high... |
I am always hoping my kids will forgive me. I try to be a good mom but I know I fail. I know my kids love me and there are aspects of my relationship with my children that I know I excel at but others... well, let's just say I hope when they have children they will see how hard I tried to be the best I could with what I knew and know.
More than anything I want them to know that I love them and in my fumblings as a parent I only want them to be happy and more successful than me. That's my goal, and I believe the goal of any good parent.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Benefits of Whining
So I know I complain a lot and I've decided I need to stop. I first want to explain Why I complain and whine so much. I am of the thinking that if you know why you do something it is easier to figure out how to stop doing that thing, that is if you want to stop. I want to stop being a whiner, it's annoying, so here is my explanation.
I whine for the following reasons;
1. I have found (been taught) that if I don't say something then everyone thinks I'm fine and puts expectations on me that I cannot possibly fulfill. That kind of stress freaks me out. If I tell you how crappy I feel then you will be more understanding when XXX doesn't happen.
I don't even know if this is true. I suppose I could just say, "I can't/won't be doing XXX because it's not something I can add to my plate right now," rather than whining about how crappy I feel.
What do you think? Think that'll work?
2. I am one of those people that once I say something out loud I can handle it. If I say it then it's real and not just my imagination.
Okay, if that sounds cray then oh well. I know when I say things out loud then suddenly the stress/pressure of knowing the thing leaves me. I've shared it and thus shared the burden. I think this is a little selfish on my part and it might be okay to some extent but I know I put stuff out there sometimes that make other people squirm. Not my intention! I'm just trying to cope with the thing and move on.
3. I don't feel heard. This is kind of in reference to #1 above. Maybe because I can't hear so well I think others aren't listening to me? Maybe it's just a mom thing because we all know kids don't listen. (LOL)
4. The truth is I don't like feeling lousy. I know I could be worse. I know people are out there fighting much harder (and deadlier) battles with their health than I am but I hate being weak, tired and unable to do things. I really hate it. I know when I talk about it (complain) that I'm releasing some of that negativity but I don't know what kind of impact it has on the hearers. I don't want to spread negativity. I'd like to be the kind of person that endures trials without complaining but I don't think I'm that kind of person. As I said, when I talk about it I release it and I feel better.
It's weird but that's why I complain.
Does that make me healthier than someone that never complains? I wonder.
5. If you hear me whining about stuff I'm sorry. I'm just going to put that out there now. I'm sorry if my whining brings you down. Maybe think of it as an act of service? I will strive to be less whiney but since I'm not always even aware of what I'm saying until I'm done I will just say right up front that I'm sorry for releasing my negativity on you.
And thank you for listening. Thank you for making me feel heard, cared about and like my burden is less because you let me share it with you.
I am more than willing to hear your complaints, fyi. That has always been true about me.
Being the Golden Rule girl and all, I am fine with being the listener and I don't judge. I know how freeing it can be to release the worry and burden of illness.
I whine for the following reasons;
1. I have found (been taught) that if I don't say something then everyone thinks I'm fine and puts expectations on me that I cannot possibly fulfill. That kind of stress freaks me out. If I tell you how crappy I feel then you will be more understanding when XXX doesn't happen.
I don't even know if this is true. I suppose I could just say, "I can't/won't be doing XXX because it's not something I can add to my plate right now," rather than whining about how crappy I feel.
What do you think? Think that'll work?
2. I am one of those people that once I say something out loud I can handle it. If I say it then it's real and not just my imagination.
Okay, if that sounds cray then oh well. I know when I say things out loud then suddenly the stress/pressure of knowing the thing leaves me. I've shared it and thus shared the burden. I think this is a little selfish on my part and it might be okay to some extent but I know I put stuff out there sometimes that make other people squirm. Not my intention! I'm just trying to cope with the thing and move on.
3. I don't feel heard. This is kind of in reference to #1 above. Maybe because I can't hear so well I think others aren't listening to me? Maybe it's just a mom thing because we all know kids don't listen. (LOL)
4. The truth is I don't like feeling lousy. I know I could be worse. I know people are out there fighting much harder (and deadlier) battles with their health than I am but I hate being weak, tired and unable to do things. I really hate it. I know when I talk about it (complain) that I'm releasing some of that negativity but I don't know what kind of impact it has on the hearers. I don't want to spread negativity. I'd like to be the kind of person that endures trials without complaining but I don't think I'm that kind of person. As I said, when I talk about it I release it and I feel better.
It's weird but that's why I complain.
Does that make me healthier than someone that never complains? I wonder.
5. If you hear me whining about stuff I'm sorry. I'm just going to put that out there now. I'm sorry if my whining brings you down. Maybe think of it as an act of service? I will strive to be less whiney but since I'm not always even aware of what I'm saying until I'm done I will just say right up front that I'm sorry for releasing my negativity on you.
And thank you for listening. Thank you for making me feel heard, cared about and like my burden is less because you let me share it with you.
I am more than willing to hear your complaints, fyi. That has always been true about me.
Being the Golden Rule girl and all, I am fine with being the listener and I don't judge. I know how freeing it can be to release the worry and burden of illness.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Stress?
I just read a blog post about a young woman and her "stress," which sounded a lot to me like depression. It made me wonder what people think is going on with them when they see their life changing, in ways that aren't good, and attribute it to something controllable. The truth is that Depression is what it is. It is not something you can just decide not to feel. You cannot decide one day to just not "feel" depressed. Because it is so much more than feeling sad. It's feeling sick, tired, overwhelmed, angry, zapped of energy, achy and more.
Being Depressed is not a decision. Sometimes it comes after an illness, or as part of an illness. Sometimes it comes first and causes illness. Usually it comes after some kind of trauma. It also usually arrives because you are predisposed to it. If you have a family history of depression (also known as self-medicated illnesses; like alcoholism or drug abuse) you will be more likely to fall prey to the illness.
On Pinterest today I saw a picture of PET-scans of peoples brains who were or weren't depressed. The results are fascinating and just more proof that Depression is an illness.
It is not a lack of faith.
It is not weakness.
It is not a hypochondriacs dream.
It is real.
It is debilitating and requires patience and gentleness by the Depressed person and those that live with them.
I've seen the advertisement that asks, "Who does depression hurt?" and the answer is "Everyone."
I know this is true.
I am Depressed.
I take medication (currently) and sometimes it feels like it's working, and sometimes it doesn't. I wish I didn't have to take it. I wish I could will away this malaise and just Do and Be like I see others.
But I can't.
I have had to learn to forgive myself for my weaknesses and failings.
Depression is part of who I am and that is something I have come to accept.
That being said, I also accept that there is treatment and I am well to follow that advice of my doctors and other professionals that tell me the key to overcoming the symptoms of depression not only include taking my medication regularly but also exercising (very difficult to do when you feel lousy) and making sure I eat right and drink enough water.
Never more than having to deal with the after-effects of poor self-care do I realize how important it is to be mindful of what I do and don't put into my body.
I am Depressed, but Depression doesn't own me.
I still strive to make my bed every day. I make an effort to make dinner for my family most nights (they will tell you that we have YoYo --You're on Your own-- several times a month). I also work hard to stay on top of the laundry and the kitchen.
Many days everything else either has to go or I have to delegate.
I have forced myself to do things but that usually doesn't work very well (the repercussions aren't worth it). I have learned that it's best to inventory how I'm feeling and respond on a daily basis. Some things I have decided are no-brainers, like doctor appointments. Other things just don't get done. I tend to not volunteer for things because I never know how I'm going to feel. Yes, this is exasperating but I have learned to accept it. I try to plan ahead as often as possible and make a plan to compensate for a "bad day" ahead of time.
It's complicated.
Again, I feel the need for this information to get out there. I worry about so many that are Depressed and don't know it. They think they are failures when there is treatments available to help them. Anti-depressants are not "happy pills" that make all the bad stuff go away. For me they simply make life manageable. Without them I do not function and the bad feelings perpetuate themselves.
I am always available to discuss symptoms and treatment. Feel free to contact me on Facebook (best way) and I will respond.
I know what it's like to feel alone and isolated because your body won't do what you want it to do.
Being Depressed is not a decision. Sometimes it comes after an illness, or as part of an illness. Sometimes it comes first and causes illness. Usually it comes after some kind of trauma. It also usually arrives because you are predisposed to it. If you have a family history of depression (also known as self-medicated illnesses; like alcoholism or drug abuse) you will be more likely to fall prey to the illness.
On Pinterest today I saw a picture of PET-scans of peoples brains who were or weren't depressed. The results are fascinating and just more proof that Depression is an illness.
It is not a lack of faith.
It is not weakness.
It is not a hypochondriacs dream.
It is real.
It is debilitating and requires patience and gentleness by the Depressed person and those that live with them.
I've seen the advertisement that asks, "Who does depression hurt?" and the answer is "Everyone."
I know this is true.
I am Depressed.
I take medication (currently) and sometimes it feels like it's working, and sometimes it doesn't. I wish I didn't have to take it. I wish I could will away this malaise and just Do and Be like I see others.
But I can't.
I have had to learn to forgive myself for my weaknesses and failings.
Depression is part of who I am and that is something I have come to accept.
That being said, I also accept that there is treatment and I am well to follow that advice of my doctors and other professionals that tell me the key to overcoming the symptoms of depression not only include taking my medication regularly but also exercising (very difficult to do when you feel lousy) and making sure I eat right and drink enough water.
Never more than having to deal with the after-effects of poor self-care do I realize how important it is to be mindful of what I do and don't put into my body.
I am Depressed, but Depression doesn't own me.
I still strive to make my bed every day. I make an effort to make dinner for my family most nights (they will tell you that we have YoYo --You're on Your own-- several times a month). I also work hard to stay on top of the laundry and the kitchen.
Many days everything else either has to go or I have to delegate.
I have forced myself to do things but that usually doesn't work very well (the repercussions aren't worth it). I have learned that it's best to inventory how I'm feeling and respond on a daily basis. Some things I have decided are no-brainers, like doctor appointments. Other things just don't get done. I tend to not volunteer for things because I never know how I'm going to feel. Yes, this is exasperating but I have learned to accept it. I try to plan ahead as often as possible and make a plan to compensate for a "bad day" ahead of time.
It's complicated.
Again, I feel the need for this information to get out there. I worry about so many that are Depressed and don't know it. They think they are failures when there is treatments available to help them. Anti-depressants are not "happy pills" that make all the bad stuff go away. For me they simply make life manageable. Without them I do not function and the bad feelings perpetuate themselves.
I am always available to discuss symptoms and treatment. Feel free to contact me on Facebook (best way) and I will respond.
I know what it's like to feel alone and isolated because your body won't do what you want it to do.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
The Beauty Advocate
I sold Mary Kay Cosmetics on and off since I was in my
early 20s. Since I’m “nearing” fifty, you do the math… Mary Kay is celebratingtheir 50th year this year and Wow! That’s so cool to me! Granted
other cosmetic companies have been around as long, but the MK business modeland opportunity are unique. They have been praised for decades on their ability
to empower women and reward hard work.
I no longer sell Mary Kay. I love makeup and I love the MK
business plan but it’s not my style. I miss the camaraderie among the ladies
that I have worked with in the past. I miss the products, and I miss educating
women on how to look and feel beautiful.
I truly believe that beauty is relative. We have ideals that
the media puts out that we buy into and try to emulate. I don’t believe that is
true beauty. There is something to symmetry in beauty (more about that another
time) but I think any woman can be more beautiful with a little care.
A little care.
I think, or at least it appears to me, that some women don’t
care. I might be wrong but that’s what I see. I don’t think every woman needs
makeup but I do believe it enhances features and can make us feel better. My favorite YouTube beauty advisor (Emily Eddington) recently posted on her blog that Beauty is medicine, and I think that's profound.
I am constantly learning about makeup. I recently posted about Emily Eddington, a YouTuber that I love, and what she teaches. I have
watched other YouTubers and it amazes me what I have never known (and how do
they learn these techniques?) about makeup application.
I have no desire to create a YouTube channel and do
tutorials, I do however miss the one-on-one teaching we did in Mary Kay. Because I no longer sell
Mary Kay I cannot use the title “Beauty Consultant," and I don't know that I have the time or energy to hold "classes" but I am a Beauty Advocate. I like the idea of talking to women about beauty.
What it means to them and how to make them feel beautiful. That is really my
goal.
I am hoping to dedicate my Tuesday Beauty posts about how to create beauty, or believe in beauty. I do a lot of reading and research and if I can help someone feel better about themselves I am happy to do so! I plan to include links, tips and ideas for anyone (okay, yes, mostly women) to apply to make them feel beautiful. I don't believe in ugly.
Beauty to me is an inside out process. You strive to be
beautiful on the inside first, then we can paint the outside. Inner flaws are
less noticeable to the public but sometimes we ourselves are so distracted by
our perceived “lack” of beauty that we don’t smile often enough, we don’t do or
say the nice things that pop into our heads because our self-confidence is lacking.
Makeup is just a tool to help women feel good about
themselves (aka; medicine) and believe in their own personal beauty. True beauty is in our
actions and our souls.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Fun Monday
Generally speaking, I like Mondays. Lately though they've just been stressful and I don't like them very much.
Last week was pretty hectic with Snap getting appendicitis and having to spend two days in the hospital. Yeah, unplanned fun! Just to let you know, those fun little chair thingies that they fold out for the parent to sleep on --because most parents will stay with their kid, apparently-- are not made for two adults. Nope. Tried it, didn't like it.
Also, started a new med (I mentioned this in my last post) and I'm waiting for it to kick in... Still waiting... Yep, still waiting. I realize that one week is not long enough but Wow! I need something to get me going because I feel like a lump.
I started my last class (which is a retake, by-the-way) and I'm already behind... ::sigh:: I just need some more energy. I can say that today I did not need a nap. This is the first day in almost a week that I didn't, so that's good news!
The other really exciting thing we did this week was get a puppy. No, I am not looking forward to sleep deprivation or cleaning up messes off the floor or any of the other nonsense that goes with pup training. I have a lot of help, however, which is wonderful. Especially from Superman, which is an unlikely source for pet care in the last decade or so.
We've named our newest member Ellie-Mae Claire and she's a Chocolate Lab. One of her nick-names is Chocolate E-Claire (yeah, Superman's idea...) We like her and so far she's proving to be pretty bright. We expect her to be rather large and that could be interesting as we are planning on her being a mostly inside dog.
I am very much looking forward to school being out soon. Snap and Pop have until the 19th, which is not soon enough for me. Snap is now way behind as he's been out for the last week. Crackle has been out of school since the end of May. That is also kind of a stress for me as well; As you might imagine. We have, however, started receiving some Behavioral Support, and that has been tremendous. If only they could stay for like six hours a day... Just kidding... kind of.
I've also had some interesting news regarding my health. It turns out I have the same thing my mother has --hyperparathyroidism. The worst symptom, apparently, is bone loss leading to osteoporosis, so I will be having a bone-density test soon. Still unsure what the next course of action will be but that certainly adds to the excitement of my life.
Overall, I'm happy. I hope I don't sound too much like I'm whining. I was more stressed out earlier but I was able to get an extension on the homework I'm (already) behind on and that relieved a lot of stress for me. I have a lot of reading to do and this week's assignments seem less stressful than last weeks so that's good.
A few good things:
Last week was pretty hectic with Snap getting appendicitis and having to spend two days in the hospital. Yeah, unplanned fun! Just to let you know, those fun little chair thingies that they fold out for the parent to sleep on --because most parents will stay with their kid, apparently-- are not made for two adults. Nope. Tried it, didn't like it.
Not made for two adults! |
I started my last class (which is a retake, by-the-way) and I'm already behind... ::sigh:: I just need some more energy. I can say that today I did not need a nap. This is the first day in almost a week that I didn't, so that's good news!
The other really exciting thing we did this week was get a puppy. No, I am not looking forward to sleep deprivation or cleaning up messes off the floor or any of the other nonsense that goes with pup training. I have a lot of help, however, which is wonderful. Especially from Superman, which is an unlikely source for pet care in the last decade or so.
Our little Chocolate E-Claire! |
I am very much looking forward to school being out soon. Snap and Pop have until the 19th, which is not soon enough for me. Snap is now way behind as he's been out for the last week. Crackle has been out of school since the end of May. That is also kind of a stress for me as well; As you might imagine. We have, however, started receiving some Behavioral Support, and that has been tremendous. If only they could stay for like six hours a day... Just kidding... kind of.
I've also had some interesting news regarding my health. It turns out I have the same thing my mother has --hyperparathyroidism. The worst symptom, apparently, is bone loss leading to osteoporosis, so I will be having a bone-density test soon. Still unsure what the next course of action will be but that certainly adds to the excitement of my life.
Overall, I'm happy. I hope I don't sound too much like I'm whining. I was more stressed out earlier but I was able to get an extension on the homework I'm (already) behind on and that relieved a lot of stress for me. I have a lot of reading to do and this week's assignments seem less stressful than last weeks so that's good.
A few good things:
- Got dinner out early and it's ready to cook, if only it could cook itself! Haha!
- Pop is doing great in school and we are excited for fifth grade promotion!
- Somehow I am getting caught up on laundry... not sure how that happened but Woohoo!
- I am re-reading a Georgette Heyer (The Grand Sophy) and loving it! I have a whole bunch of book reviews I want/need to write! Thanks to some "donations" from my aunt I have a whole bunch of new books!
- Superman has been extremely patient with me while I figure out this whole medication and illness nonsense. It's nice.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)