Lead Kindly Light

A few weeks ago we sung a hymn in church that made me mad. After talking to my partner in the nursery we decided that I needed to study it more so I could figure out what about it was making me mad.

In our hymnal it's #97, Lead Kindly Light

1. Lead, kindly Light, amid th’encircling gloom;
Lead thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home;
Lead thou me on!
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene—one step enough for me.

2. I was not ever thus, nor pray’d that thou
Shouldst lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path; but now,
Lead thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years.

3. So long thy pow’r hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on
O’er moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone.
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile!


Text: John Henry Newman, 1801-1890
Music: John B. Dykes, 1823-1876

First, you should know that I am not  poetry fan, generally speaking. I like good poetry, which I believe is extremely difficult to write and even more difficult to understand. That being said, most hymns are poetry set to music and I love learning about and deciphering the meaning behind both the words and the author's intent. Sometimes the latter is irrelevant, as what I believe is more relevant is what YOU feel when you read or sing a hymn.

I read about this hymn in Wikipedia where I discovered that it was written by an Anglican turned Catholic priest (eventually Cardinal) as he traveled home from Europe. Stuck at sea, sick, homesick and filled with despair, the words came to him during an extremely isolated and vulnerable time. The music, however, was written later as the writer was wandering around in London and the tune just came to him. The tune name is Lux Beningna and is Latin for "Kindly Light." The original title to this piece was, "The Pillar of the Cloud," but is now more familiar as its first line, "Lead kindly light."

So, why did it make me mad?

I guess it made me mad because it made me cry. No, not cry, but sob. I don't like feeling that sad so to analyze those feelings I would have to say that it made me think of my family that I have lost in death and how much I miss them. I do not fear death. I look forward to it, yet, I know there are still those that need and want me here. I believe in a life hereafter and I believe that my family is there, working & waiting for me and for all of those they love. 

Lead, kindly Light, amid th’encircling gloom;

Lead thou me on!

The night is dark, and I am far from home;

Lead thou me on!

Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see

The distant scene—one step enough for me.

This makes me think of the faith it takes every day just to wake up and function. Yes, some days are like that for me. I remember as a youth having a feeling of "homesickness" for an existence I did not comprehend or remember. I still have days like that.

I was not ever thus, nor pray’d that thou

Shouldst lead me on.

I loved to choose and see my path; but now,

Lead thou me on!

I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,

Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years.

Many days I have to just turn myself over to God to lead me. I have to swallow my "pride" and let Him be my guide, even when I'm clueless where that might lead. I admit I am uncomfortable with that kind of vulnerability and uncertainty. (I'm Plan A.)

So long thy pow’r hath blest me, sure it still

Will lead me on

O’er moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent, till

The night is gone.

And with the morn those angel faces smile,

Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile!

Another book I have that explains the meaning of the hymns says that the last two lines of this hymn are not about "angel faces" of our dead loved ones, but of hope to return to his home.  I don't know, I think it means what you want it to mean and if, for me, that means the "angel faces" of my brothers, my Granni, my husband's cousin, my father-in-law, my friend that died in high school, my friend that died last year, that young boy that died ... then that is who I want it to be. I suppose "the morn" could be when I arrive where they are, whenever that might be.