Job Wanted!

Dear all you already employed people;

Please quit. I really need a job and as long as you are still employed it means that I am not. If you were to quit then I might actually have a chance at finding employment!
Of course if you are currently a doctor or lawyer then don’t quit because I don’t want those jobs. Also, if you collect trash or your job requires you to be outside climbing poles, or anything like that, then never mind. Oh, and while I’m at it, if your job requires you to climb ladders or be any higher off the ground then about three feet then forget it, keep your job, I don’t want it. Also if your job keeps you in a tiny confined space I don’t want that either.

Also, if you make really really important decisions about money then it might be better if I didn’t do that either. I don’t really want to be a manager over others or have anything to do with what some might call “stock” of any kind, including but not limited to commodities, merchandise or animals. Oh, and I also don’t do sales. I don’t want to sell property, or any other of the above-mentioned “stock.”

I also don’t really want to deal with kids. Kids are annoying and I have a few of my own that annoy me during my off time so I’m not really very interested in dealing with other people’s annoyances. That includes teaching, however, I am a teacher and can teach, and am relatively good at it, but I don’t want to deal with the parents of said kids and that’s part of teaching nowadays so, not interested.

And while I’m at it I don’t want to have to clean anything. Especially toilets. Toilets are disgusting especially after being used by above-mentioned kids, particularly boys. Nope, I don’t want anything to do with that! I also don’t want to clean anything in a kitchen including dishes, stoves or refrigerators. I don’t really want to cook either. I don’t mind eating, especially sweets, but I prefer them prepared by others.

I like books. Pretty much anything to do with books would work for me. I like to read books. I like to look at books. I like turning the pages. I like putting them on shelves. I like organizing them in alphabetical order by author, or by title. I also don’t mind inputting the data about the books. I don’t mind magazines either. They’re pretty and have nice pictures to look at, well, except for the naked people. I don’t want to deal with naked people.

I don’t mind typing either. Especially words. Typing words is fun and interesting. I prefer to type my own words but I don’t mind typing other people’s words usually. Unless they’re stupid. I don’t like typing words of stupid people. Or ignorant people. Or intolerant people. The only thing I can’t tolerate is intolerance.

So if you have any of the jobs that I have already mentioned I don’t want then never mind and be happy in your job, if you can. However, if your job requires you to sit on your butt most of the day looking at a computer screen then quit because I am really good at that and I might have a chance!