Kat Kommentary

Book People

2012-01-12T18:53:00.000-08:00

I am a “book person.” If you are also a “book person,” thenyou know what I mean. If you are not, let me explain:

I love books. I love the smell, the feel, the weight in myhands, the words on the page. I love ebooks too, but when I love a paper bookthen I keep a copy to have because I might read it again. The books I doubt Iwill read again I give away. This is the key to “book people.” When they giveyou a book they will say one of two things.

When you are finished go ahead and give it away for someone else to enjoy.
When you are finished please RETURN IT TO ME!!!!!

Chances are very good that if I want it returned I havewritten, stamped, stickered or possibly engraved my name, address, SSN &phone numbers, etc.; JUST so you will return it to me.

If a “book person” loans you a book PLEASE TAKE GOOD CARE OFIT! That means you do not bend down the pages to mark your place. That is whatbookmarks are for. If you need a bookmark I have plenty, but really a SHEET OFTOILET PAPER WORKS JUST FINE TOO!

Also, don’t get the book wet or drop it in the mud or wemight accuse you of being Gaston, or in other words, “Positively primeval.” AndNo, that is not a compliment.

If you have had the book for a while we might ask you aboutit, casually, but really we’re freaking out because you have had it long enoughfor us to have read it about four times. So to not look too freakish we ask,“So how’s XXX book coming? Did you like it?”

Do Not Say; oh, I borrowed a book? Also, do not say, Oh, You wanted that back?

We Made That Point Very Clear. Especially if my name iswritten/stamped/stickered/engraved on the inside (by the way, Yes, I have abook engraver, my mother gave it to me) that is a sure sign of wanting it back.

Many “book people” will not loan out their books. It onlytakes one or two of the, Gee, I think I put it on my bookshelf somewhere… Or,the borrower moves away. With your book.…to get a “book person,” to stop loaning out their books.

Personally, I don’t keep as many books that I have alreadyread as you might think. I have a lot of books but most of them have not beenread and that is why I still have them. I have a couple of collections(Jennifer Crusie, The Little House Books, The Anne Books, some Judy Boltonmysteries) but for the most part once I have read a book I am done with it. Ido not re-read them because I remember them. If I LOVED it then I will keep it,i.e.; Jennifer Crusie. No. I don’t lend those out. Anymore.

…just sayin’

Happy New Year!

2012-01-03T22:41:00.000-08:00

New Year’s Resolutions

I do not believe in New Year’s “Resolutions.” I believe ingoal setting. I love setting goals and many of them I do and have achieved. Ialso believe in constant self-appraisal and self-improvement. When somethingdoes not work for me I am on the search for a new idea, method or solution. Alot of times I will tweak a current method that is not working and if it stilldoesn’t work I keep tweaking and trying and tweaking and trying. As a result Iam ALWAYS reviewing my goals.

What I like about setting goals at the beginning of a newyear is that it feels like a New Beginning and that always providesencouragement for me. I have no idea how many times my “leaf” has been“turned,” but I am still not perfect (enough for me anyway, and I’m sure thereare many that will off their opinions of my perfection level—lol) so I keepplodding away hoping the next thing I try will click.

My first year away from home at college I took a religionclass at the LDS Business College and one day our instructor’s son came andsubstituted. He gave a lesson I have NEVER forgotten about priorities and goalsetting. I have also read Franklin/Covey’s books about time management andhabits for successful people. So I have combined these ideas to create my own wayof goal setting.

First, my priorities, which are based mostly onrelationships:

God
Family
Church
Career (school)
Other

Based on that I can reflect on what is important and whatneeds focus or improvement.

According to Covey we need to Daily “Sharpen the Saw,”

Spiritual

Physical

Mental

Social/Emotional

And figure out our “roles,” which I use the above prioritylist for.

I have also read The Courage to Be Brilliant in which MartaMonahan discusses how to slowly improve ourselves by perfecting five things ata time.

This year my goals are simple:

Improve my relationship with God (Spirituality) by Praying daily (am & pm), Reading my scriptures, Journaling (that is hand writing on paper) and keeping a Gratitude journal where I list five things each day that I am grateful for.
Improve my physical state by eating right and exercising daily. I don’t care if I dance crazy for 20 minutes with my kids; I need to MOVE MY BODY! Also, to eat right for me. That means a low-carb diet for my crazy imbalanced metabolism, fat loving body.
Cleaning my house. This is for my family (and me) to keep us all happy and organized. It has to be done. Putting it off just makes it harder when it’s out of control (…yes dear, I’ve been listening…)
Writing: blogging, web content, fiction. This is separate from my journaling. I want to be a “Writer.” Writer’s write. I want to get in the HABIT of writing every day so that I can get to the point where writing 2,000 words a day is just expected. Whatever that produces monetarily or not is what it produces. It is who I am.
Serve. Outside my family. I would like to do this daily, but serving OUTSIDE my family is a time-challenging thing for me to do.

For some these goals may seem to high or too low but I knowmyself. I know I can do these things. I know I am capable. (Honestly, thehouse-cleaning thing is the most dreaded—lol.)

These are not my “resolutions,” but my goals for 2012, whichI am hoping is a MUCH better year than 2011!

Happy New Year to you too!

My Literary Theory

2011-12-19T14:15:00.000-08:00

Occasionally I am excited about a piece I write, particularly my non-fiction, but I wonder if it's suitable for the masses--lol especially those that don't read non-fiction much. I try to keep them short and sweet but that is not always possible.

So this last month my class was on Literary Theory and Criticism and for my final last night I had to write my personal Theory based on the critics we've studied over the course. Here is my piece:

"True ease in writing comes from art, not chance, Asthose move easiest who have learned to dance (Pope, 204b)." This coupletimplies that those who express themselves in sincerity will have an easier timewith the task.

Pope gives some practical advice to "wanna-be"writers and poets, and this short bit is the best in the piece because itspeaks of sincerity and truth. I believe if a writer expresses themselves withgenuine feelings those things will be conveyed to the reader and they will bedrawn to it. How an artist creates theirart, or a writer creates great literature, is known from a critical viewpointas an Expressive theory. After reading several critics I feel comfortable withwhat I believe is the best creative process.

Truth, sincerity and integrity in writing is the key to agreat piece of literature. While doing this, however, it is important to keepyour own personality out of the quotient. Eliot explains that the writerselement in the process should be, "inert, neutral, and unchanged (Eliot,540a)." "The more perfect the artist," he writes, "the morecompletely separate in him will be the man who suffers and the mind whichcreates; the more perfectly will the mind digest and transmute the passionswhich are its material (Eliot, 540a)." This seems an unnatural process fora writer to approach but the truth is that the less personal the literature isthe more universal it feels for the reader.

Eliot explains, "The poet's mind is in fact areceptacle for seizing and storing up numberless feelings, phrases, images,which remain there until all the particles which can unit to form a newcompound are present together (Eliot, 540b)." This technique seemsatypical for what might seem to be less personal really turns out to be morepersonal for the reader. For example; sometimes when you hear a speaker youbelieve they are talking only to you, in reality you are among a crowd and anynumber of people feel the same way. This is the gift of a great speaker. Thesame can be said for a beautiful piece of literature that seems to be universalin nature because the writer took himself out of the process. He let the wordsand phrases and images that have been storing up for years in the recesses ofhis imagination finally come forth in a manner that is cohesive to the story butnot necessarily reflective of the author.

The reason this method works is because of integrity, asVirginia Woolf explains it. "What one means by integrity, in the case ofthe novelist, is the conviction that he gives one that this is the truth. Yes,one feels, I should never have thought that this could be so; I have neverknown people behaving like that. But you have convinced me that so it is(Woolf, 604b)." This integrity is what helps give a piece the cohesivefeeling of, "the relation of human being to human being (Woolf,604a)." The expression of a writer can and should be more sincere whentheir feelings and personality are removed. This does not and should not meanthat real emotions are not involved, they definitely are, but on a level so uniqueas to make a reader feel that they too are feeling those emotions and theybelieve the events that are written, even if they are fictional.

To "learn to dance," as Pope suggests, means to methat a writer has learned this process as described. Possibly it is an internalgift, to be able to express the truth or rather the integrity of emotion, byremoving themselves and spreading the emotions from their mind onto a page.Those feelings are then transferred into the minds and hearts of their readers.This creates great art in literature, in my opinion.

Richter, David A. The Critical Tradition: Classic Texts and Contemporary Trends, Bedford/St. Martin's, 2006.

A Roundabout Letter to Santa on a Particularly Chilly December Evening

2011-12-08T23:10:00.001-08:00

In deciding what to write about my mind often wanders. Ihave a Dude Ranch story I’ve been working on for over 20 years. Then I recentlystarted my mom’s life story, but that could be touchy because, well honestly,she’s still alive and I’ve already gotten stuff all screwed up. That doesn’treally matter though because it’s fiction. So my dilemma? I also have an LDStrilogy I’ve been working on for about 15 years, I think? It started out as avague, trite romance. Then I added AIDS and Lupus (for fun?), eventually thatsegued into a two part and because Nora Roberts is one of my (writing) idols Idecided to do a trilogy ala Nora. Her formula is easy to figure out so I copiedthat idea and came up with my own threesome, or six-some, and have a helluva storybrewing, but I almost never work on that one because honestly… (yes, I’mforthright) there is no market.

And the bottom line is the bottom line some days.

Tonight I’m reveling in probably getting another A in a 300level Lit class. Always comforting. So I think I can write. Then I decide toread for a bit and start one of Charlaine Harris’s “Dead” series (HarperConnelly). I’ve already read ALL the Sookie Stackhouse books and have the LilyBard series somewhere, then I “accidentally” came across this one and I. Am.Hooked! Yay! She is a wonderful writer and since it’s fantasy? Horror? Sci-fi?I enjoy the change of pace from Romance and Classic Lit.

I really need to get my hands on another Susan ElizabethPhillips, but I don’t know which one. I am also excited to read Debbie Macomberand just discovered her Angels series.

:::sigh:::

I *need* a Kindle Fire. Or a tablet. Or an Ipad. Something.So I can read this all in bed without too much light to bother the hubby. Booksare hard to light, and my laptop is too big.

Yes, Santa, I want a Kindle Fire.

Thanks a million.

Love ya lots.

Okay. Gonna read some more and then maybe write something.Maybe.

Always Blogging

2011-10-27T09:53:00.000-07:00

I keep thinking “I blogged that,” but really it’s all in myhead. No. Really. I blog in my head and it fails to show up on my blog… what’sup with that? LOL

Always so many things on my mind.

We moved. Long story, don’t want to talk about it but we arenow in a tiny (for us) house in “downtown” Acton (which isn’t saying too muchbecause we have no stoplights in this town and a possible total population of 4,000)about two blocks from the park, which I admit is nice. The yard is beautiful,lots of foliage, greenery & the gardener is part of our rent! Also, thereis a blocked portion that someone created for a vegetable garden. We are stillgrowing tomatoes and zucchini! Oh, and fruit trees!

I am still organizing. My downstairs, including the KITCHENis good to go, except we apparently have too many DVDs. Not that that’s a bigsurprise. Our DVD shelf died during the move (totally fell apart! BOO!) so Ifound another one at the local thrift store (for a town of 4,000 we actuallyhave two thrift stores!) that I like more than the old one but it’s not quitebig enough so the DVDs and CDs are still all over the place.

We don’t have TV. Our landlord does not want us to doDirecTV and we are not thrilled with Time Warner Cable company so we havedecided not to “get” TV (and no, no antenna will pick anything up out here… weare lucky to have cell phone service!) but are looking at This Totally AwesomeBlu-ray Player that has Google TV! Complete with Google Chrome browser! But it’son the backburner until the funding comes through for it… which may or may notbe until Christmas. (Boo.)

So I’m missing my shows.

I have been able to watch my CSIs (because I watch ALL theCSIs) and other CBS shows (like The Big Bang Theory) on my laptop, but theother networks (like AMCs the Walking Dead) aren’t working as well. It’s called“buffering” BEH! Anyway, going to work on that this weekend.

In other news… I started writing again. This time I juststarted from scratch on a story about my mother… It’s more intense than myusual “romances” and really more of a “Women’s Fiction” than a romance. It wasin my head so I started it.

I am noticing a “week on,” “week off,” trend with mydepression. I was able to change my meds back to capsules (instead of thetablet) and I am glad for that. The tablets weren’t, um, digesting. And don’task me how I know that… The weather doesn’t help because the more cloudy/gloomyit is the harder time I have getting it together. I am still managing to get mykids to school (not so much early morning seminary, beh!) and I’m making mealsand doing laundry. But the rest of the “organizing” is kind of on hold. I didget our closet tidied (meaning clothes hung up) but there is a lot to do andmost of it is my stuff. My sewing & books & knitting & scrapbookstuff, etc. I have already pared down and organized it; I just need to findplaces.

We also downsized from four couches to one. I saved my twotables, one an antique from my father’s family dating back at least threegenerations (for a poor California/Canadian family, that’s a thing) and thematching sideboard, with stratagem. We are down from five bookshelves to three(only two of which are actually holding “books”). That’s a thing considering Iam a “book person.”

School is going. August, September; October’s classeswere Teacher Education and I have decided I do not like those classes. It hasmore to do with the assignment process than it does the content, however. I amhoping my future professors are more organized (like my English Professorsare!) but not sure how that will pan out. The assignment process seriouslyconfused me. It was like having three classes at once. Not fun. Also inSeptember I somehow ended up with two classes. The schedule is supposed to beone per month but the first Teacher Education (TED) class is eight weeks andeither my advisor did not know that or did not care so I ended up with a Litclass on top of the *very confusing* TED class. Oh, and that was the month wemoved, as well as taking our oldest child to college (and all that Thatimplies!) and our children at home started school. Yeah. Busy month. Not good.I was not happy with the outcome of that. Boo.

This month (which is already considered my November class)is 20^th Century World Literature and I’m already enjoying itimmensely. I am actually EXCITED about the research (or comparative) essay Iwill have to write for it! I know now that I was made to do research ananalysis. That is why my December class (which begins the week of Thanksgiving)is going to be AWESOME! It is Literary Critique. Yahoo! (I realize this makesme a nerd, but I don’t care!)

My children are happy. My husband is busy. I am thriving(may not be happy about it, but am successful nonetheless) so I would call thelast few months a success even if I kicked against it as hard as I could. I amhoping for a steadier blogging season as I am constantly blogging in my headand some of it is rather good. LOL

Benjamin Franklin and Ralph Waldo Emerson: Self-Help Gurus

2011-09-24T23:34:00.000-07:00

“While some would name Benjamin Franklin asthe American breakthrough thinker, that distinction more justly belongs to RalphWaldo Emerson. Where Franklin counseled prudence and moral circumspection, notunlike an Old World uncle, Emerson proclaimed the ecstatic universe andintimated that the unloosed American self was especially well-placed to leadthe celebration.” (Valiunas)

When it came toprogressive thinking and application, Benjamin Franklin was the resource forthe self-made man. Emerson, on the other hand, lived off his wife’s money. Botheschewed organized religion, both believed in the American Dream. Franklin wroteThe Autobiography (Franklin) for his son, but also for everyone. He did believein the value of virtue. Emerson also believed in improvement of the self, butfor only for the benefit of the self. Are they both right? Are they both wrong?Would they agree or disagree? Their literary works show their personal beliefsregarding virtue and personal values and benefit to self or to mankind.

In “TheAutobiography” (Franklin231) Benjamin Franklin lists thirteen virtues hebelieves are vital for success. He also discusses his attempts atself-perfection and his methodology for tracking his progress. Franklin statedthat, “My intention being to acquire the Habitude of all these Virtues.”(Franklin 285) Listing them in order of importance to him he began his daily practiceof reviewing his actions and marking his progress.

Emerson, on theother hand, opposes the idea of values believing that virtue is a personaldecision. In his essay, “Self Reliance,” Emerson defines how to find morality. “Men do what is called a good action, as somepiece of courage or charity, much as they would pay a fine … Their works aredone as an apology… My life is not an apology, but a life.” Virtue is intrinsic with Emerson. “What Imust do, is all that concerns me, not what the people think.” Emerson, “is bestremembered, after all, as an advocate of the self against the claims ofsociety. However, Emerson believed that education is a lifelong practice ofdiscovering or receiving relations that attach us to one to another and to theworld. This practice helps us to develop self-knowledge and self-transformation.”(Williams)

He was not anadvocate of conformity. “For non-conformity the world whips you with itsdispleasure.” (Emerson 537) He believed that men should trust themselves andallow the discomfort of others to “put on and off as the wind blows.” (Emerson537) “Although he did focus on the self, he recognizes that the improvement ofeach individual eventually leads to the improvement of society as a whole.”(Williams)

Many contend thatour forefathers, particularly Benjamin Franklin, established the United Statesupon Christian values. While it is true Franklin describes a set of values orvirtues he believes will lead a person to moral perfection in his autobiography,these virtues were not necessarily based on Christianity. His morality wasbased on rational thought from an Enlightened mind.

Franklin writes,“Tho’ I seldom attended any Public Worship, I had still an Opinion of itsPropriety, and of its Utility when rightly conducted.” He had difficultyfinding a preacher with which he agreed. Upon hearing a scripture fromPhillippians regarding that which is “of good report, if there be any virtue…think on these things.” (Franklin 283; Philippians 4) While disagreeing withthe preacher on what those values might be he came to the conclusion to embark onthe “Project of arriving at moral Perfection.” (Franklin 284) Even though he was not comfortable with any organizedreligion, Franklin did not completely dismiss God in his life. He wrote, “And conceivingGod to be the Fountain of Wisdom, I thought it right and necessary to solicit hisAssistance for obtaining it.”

At the time of theEnlightenment many were questioning organized religions and the necessities ofpriests and rites. More exposure to religious texts led many to question whatthey believed. In addition the advancement of the sciences led many to questionwhat had been blatantly taught for centuries as truths. Emerson’s writingsexpressed, “Among the impedimenta blocking access to the true self was thatold-time religion—specifically, Christianity, whose original spirit had beendeformed by its outworn institutions.” (Valiunas) “Nothing is at last sacredbut the integrity of our own mind.” (Emerson 535)

Ethics, morality, virtue,values, whatever name you choose to give them, are part of our collectiveAmerican experience and societal acceptance of certain behaviors. Franklin wrote,“In this Piece it was my Design to explain and enforce this Doctrine, that viciousActions are not hurtful because they are forbidden, but forbidden because they arehurtful… it was therefore every one’s Interest to be virtuous, who wish’d to behappy.” Emerson writes, “And truly itdemands something godlike in him who has cast off the common motives ofhumanity, and has ventured to trust himself for a task-master.” (Emerson 544)

Franklin probablywould not be surprised that, “in our present times the deepest cultural dividein America is between the secular believers in science and the faithful whobelieve in God. Nor would it have surprised him that in the world at large thegreat divide now is between tolerant liberal democracy and militant religiousfundamentalism.” (Weinberger)

The idea thatvalues, virtue, morality and ethics need to go hand in hand with religion isnot something these authors would agree with. Choosing to be a good person forpersonal benefit, for the benefit of mankind or for a higher cause that ispersonal to you is justifiable and probably admirable. While Emerson wouldencourage perfection of self for the sake of self, but for the benefit of all;Franklin would also support self-improvement for both selfish and unselfishreasons. While they may not agree in practice or pursuit, they would agree thatimprovement of self is an advantageous endeavor.

Works Cited

Baym, Nina. The Norton Anthology of American Literature. 7^thed. New York. 2008.

Emerson, RalphWaldo. “Self Reliance” The NortonAnthology of American Literature. 7^th ed. New York, NY. 2008.533-550.

Franklin,Benjamin. “The Autobiography.” The NortonAnthology of American Literature. 7^th ed. New York, NY. 2008. 231-292.

Valiunas, Algis. “RalphWaldo Emerson, Big Talker” Commentary. Sep2010,Vol. 130 Issue 2, 55-58

Weinberger,Jerry. “Benjamin Franklin: Philosopher of Progress” Good Society Journal. 2008,Vol. 17 Issue 1 20-25 Web September 24, 2011.

Williamson, AmyWesley J. Null. “Ralph Waldo Emerson’s Educational Philosophyas a Foundation for Cooperative Learning.” American Education History Journal; Spring/Summer 2008, Vol. 35Issue ½, 381-392 Web September 24, 2011.

First of all...

2011-08-15T09:35:00.001-07:00

Several years ago my friend and I joined an online group called “Crappy Advice.” The premise was , obviously, that the group would give you tongue in cheek advice to your posted problems. I proceeded to complain about some issues I was having with the PTA I was currently involved with at the time. The response I received began with, “First of all, you have too many children, get rid of a few.”

Yeah. I laughed. A lot. And now, whenever I feel overwhelmed all I have to say is, “First of all…” and my friend gets it! I have five children. All mine. All delivered naturally with virtually no medication (I’ll save the birth stories for another post, ugh!). All with the same father, to whom I am still married, happily. (20 years last January—ThankYouVeryMuch!)

My family is my life. They are the reason I was fired from my last “job.” They are also the reason I continually keep trying to bring more income into our home. It seems, this economy NotHelping!, there is never enough. For the medication, the dental work—including orthodontics, the glasses and contacts, the haircuts, the clothes, the shoes, the backpacks… And now with a driver in the house (and another potential driver) the car insurance and the need for another vehicle. Not to mention the food for my bottomless-pit boys! My girls are fine eaters themselves, as well as I am; and Dad. Well, Dad is in a class by himself when it comes to eating! The expenses are defeating.

Besides the expenses are the emotional and mental task it is to raise kids. I thought raising little kids was tough, which is, in a different way. Also, if you have a special-needs child, as we do, the challenge can be massive. Today is a good day. It’s still summer break for us and everyone is still asleep (except for DS#1 who is at Football practice—hello two-a-days!). Every day is an adventure!

The pressure to be a good parent is enormous. My idea of good parenting is having a good relationship with my children so that they know no matter what I love them. I also believe in a bit of a loose leash. I try to trust them until they break that trust. Truth be told I am sure that some think I’m not a good parent but fortunately I only worry about what I think (and God, but that’s another post as well). I have been lucky in that my husband and I generally agree on discipline and expectation. There are few differences but for the most part we are united. That helps.

It is strange to me to reflect on our family when the kids were all little, in elementary school or even before and see the progression in parenting needs and style. It is very different to have four teens at home than it was to have four preschoolers. I am glad I enjoyed my children when they were little and glad I can enjoy them now. With all the challenges and trials I would not get rid of any, not even a few.

It's a blog

2011-08-14T23:25:00.001-07:00

So.

I’ve been reading some other people’s blogs and I realized something.

I try too hard.

I guess being an English Major and all, and wanting to get my MFA and PhD in English and Writing I’m obsessed with my sentence structure, grammar and whatnot.

Huh.

Turns out I don’t have to.

As a matter of fact I can end a sentence with a participle.

Take that!

I also found out that I should have a theme. Something I talk about consistently; cooking, sewing, fashion, photography, design, crafts.

Huh.

Not gonna happen.

I just like to babble. Babbling! (ala Meg Ryan in “I.Q.”)

I woke up yesterday morning with this entirely new concept for my Ranch Hand story.

Most of it stays the same, but I got a first line.

“I fell in love in five days. The Truly, Madly, Deeply kind. Ridiculous? Maybe for some, but it really happened and I’ll tell you how. It all started when …”

And his line.

“I fell in love at first sight. I was sent to pick up a late-comer, a girl, the freebie visitor from the promotion. I figured the hottie brunette in front of the train station was my girl. Her back was to me and when she turned around, her lips in a pucker behind her compact, it hit me. Hard. But I chalked (is it ‘chalked’ or ‘chocked’?) it up to Lady Lust and dismissed it. But it was love.”

And it goes on like that. I’m thinking I drop the suspense/killer story. But whatever. Still undecided about that.

I felt the thin, taut line between sanity and insanity today.

I have too much to do and not enough people to do it. I’m one person with two hands, two feet and one brain. No money and very little motivation.

I keep thinking about the “assignments” I have that God gave me and wondering why I “kick against the pricks” and don’t just drop everything and Get On That. I’m scared.

“I’m looking down, Shrek!”

Diet Schmiett!

2011-07-27T11:06:00.001-07:00

So I posted about my troubles with the Dukan diet on my Facebook status and realized (from the comments) that my “dieting” philosophy was totally unclear. So here I am.

I do not believe in “diets” per se. I believe in creating or recreating healthy habits. This includes diet, i.e.; what you eat, and exercise (which should always be included in a healthy lifestyle since we have become a computer/cellphone/television culture).

I have always been unhappy with my body because I’m normal. Media wants me to be unhappy so ever since Twiggy became popular (and Farrah, and Cheryl, and Heidi, and …you get the picture) the idea of being “stick thin” has been the yearning for many women. Lame. It’s not even healthy! And men prefer curves, some curves anyway. So it’s all about women judging each other. Judging has to be an entirely different blog.

So I decided that I was going to choose to be happy with my body. No diet worked for me (and I have tried them all at some point). Pretty sure I gave away all my “skinny clothes” that I had been saving for 10+ years (okay, more but since I’m only 25 I’m not giving the real number!), well I think I did because I cannot find them now. Now that I am skinny, okay well skinnier.

The last “diet” I actually tried was Weight Watchers. I calculated my points. I bought a little calculator that helped me figure out my points consumption and kept track of my daily points use. In three months I lost five pounds. Maybe. I was not happy.

Then my BFF (PLLAATSABIDSA—we now know what the “SA” is for!) found this program called The Metabolism Miracle. The premise is that many of us have tweaked metabolisms. Either because of our eating habits and/or genetics, but as a result our bodies do not metabolize carbohydrates correctly. Her program was designed to FIX that problem. She has an online test to see if you fall into what she calls Metabolism B. I took the test. I probably scored the highest anyone can! My suspicions were confirmed. I can’t lose weight on a “normal” or “regular” diet. Diets do not work for me. Counting calories won’t work. I have to eat certain foods in certain quantities and/or at certain times of the day in order to metabolize correctly. I KNEW IT!

I started The Metabolism Miracle in September 2009 and by November I had dropped 30+ pounds. I got to eat cheese, and peanuts, and whipped cream! The only thing I missed was bread, but my incredible BFF figured out how to make a low-carb pseudo bread that satisfied. I continued to follow the plan but only dropped another five pounds but shrank about two pants sizes. Can you say WOW! I was thrilled. But nothing I did would budge me another 15 to 20 lbs that I still wanted to lose. Well, I say nothing but I still was not exercising which I know is my downfall.

I started a weight training program and continued to shrink but still no more weight loss. That was okay. It was the shrinking I was more interested in, but then that stopped to because I stopped exercising regularly and have had a really hard time getting back into it.

Then we heard about the Dukan Diet.

Dukan Diet Week 2

2011-06-02T05:59:00.000-07:00

Starting weight= 152.8

Ending weight= 154.2

No, I don’t think I really gained 1.4 lbs. because yesterday I weighed fully-clothed. Also, this week was harder because I ran out of Greek yogurt and eggs and couldn’t buy more. I’m planning better for the next two weeks (next pay period=shopping day) but my appetite is not predictable. I had a few cheats including peanuts because of lack of available “appropriate” foods. I am going to try some Vital Wheat Gluten this week and see what I can produce (without an oven).

I am drinking about a gallon or more of water a day. I have been making my Japanese mugicha (Barley tea). I sweeten it with Splenda and drink it all day. It reminds me of sweetened puffed wheat cereal (Honey Smacks).

Also, I exercised only once and it’s supposed to be a daily thing. Thinking about “hiring” a personal trainer (one of my kids-lol).

Wish me luck!

Details:

Day 8: Thursday, May 26, 2011

Weight: 152.8

Phase: Cruise (day 5 –PV- of 73)

B: Protein shake

L: Scrambled egg & tomato

D: Smoked sausage, yellow squash

S: Yogurt & Jello, Galette

Day 9: Friday, May 27, 2011

Weight: 151.2

Phase: Cruise (day 6 –PP- of 73)

B: Protein shake

L: Cinnamon Oat Bran “cake”

D: ? Don’t remember…

S: Jello

Day 10: Saturday, May 28, 2011

Weight: 151.8

Phase: Cruise (day 7 –PV- of 73)

B: Scrambled egg

L: 1 T. Dry roasted peanuts

D: Roast chicken, cucumbers, squash

S: Jello

Day 11: Sunday, May 29, 2011

Weight: 150.8

Phase: Cruise (day 8 –PP- of 73)

B: Protein shake

L: 1 T. Dry roasted peanuts

D: Pork roast,

S: Chocolate mousse made with nonfat milk.

Day 12: Monday, May 30, 2011

Weight: 150.8

Phase: Cruise (day 9 –PV- of 73)

B: Galette

L: Leftover pork, green beans

D: BBQ Tri-tip, salad

S: Chocolate Mousse made with nonfat milk.

Day 13: Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Weight: 152.2

Phase: Cruise (day 10 –PP- of 73)

B: Scrambled egg

L: Leftover BBQ steak

D: Hot dogs

S: Oat bran cereal

Day 14: Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Weight: 154.2 (fully clothed, as opposed au~naturale—lol)

Phase: Cruise (day 11 –PV- of 73)

B: Cinnamon Oat Bran “cake”, Lemon ricotta “pudding”

L: Salad

D: CHEAT: McDonald’s—yeah the whole thing, #1

S: Cinnamon Oat Bran “cake” x2

B (Breakfast): L (Lunch): D (Dinner): S (Snack/Dessert)

Dukan Diet: Week 1

2011-05-26T15:28:00.000-07:00

As I posted, I am doing a new "eating plan." It's the Dukan Diet, the French Protein Diet or The Middleton's Pre-Wedding diet (lol). It's a low-carb, protein thing very much like the Metabolism Miracle I was doing before. Only, low fat.

My report...

I am very happy with the first week of this diet. I still need to add the required 20-30 minutes of exercise. I don’t necessarily have low energy because of the diet but I’ve been sluggish this week. Grouchy. More tired than usual. I am in my last week of class for May and that’s is a little stressful for me.

I found out (too late) that I am not allowed pudding (of any kind, no sugar free/fat free) but can still have Jello (the jiggly kind!). I am unsure about the Protein Shakes but continuing to have them because they satisfy the chocolate craving and keep me on my toes about breakfast.

Here is my week:

Day 1: Thursday, May 19, 2011

Starting weight: 158 (guess, based on Monday AM weighing)

Phase: Attack (day 1 of 3)

B: Cottage cheese
L: Oat bran galette
D: Hamburger patties
S: Ricotta/yogurt lemon (extract) "pudding"

I was hungry in the afternoon until I figured out what I could eat. I made a sweet, cinnamon/butter galette (the Dukan "pancake") that was pretty yummy. I could have eaten more but I didn't need to.

Day 2: Friday, May 20, 2011

Weight: 155 (3 pound LOSS!!!)

Phase: Attack (day 2 of 3)

B: 1 hardboiled egg

L: 2 hamburger patties

D: BBQ Tri-tip

S: Cottage cheese, galette with sugar/fat free maple syrup

SHOCKED yes SHOCKED to see a 3 pound drop. Expecting my weight to increase tomorrow or the next day? Guessing it's water weight but I don't care. Pants fit better. Lol Went too long in the AM without food and had the egg at the last minute. I made the hamburgers last night for dinner and had the leftovers.

Day 3: Saturday, May 21, 2011

Weight: 154.4

Phase: Attack (day 3 of 3)

B: Skipped L only had a Large Diet Coke. oops

L: Galette

D: Scrambled eggs with cottage cheese

S: Cottage cheese

Skipped breakfast because I had to leave the house. That was a bad idea. I did okay as far as cravings but I paid the price the next day.

Day 4: Sunday, May 22, 2011

Weight: 154.8 (probably from skipping meals)

Phase: Cruise (day 1-PV of 73)

B: Chocolate protein shake

L: Low fat ham slices, Fat Free cream cheese, pickles

D: BBQ’d London Broil, green beans

S: Chocolate oat bran.

The oat bran was an experiment. I tried to make a cookie but it was more like oatmeal. LOL I should probably have had a salad but I had a lot of green beans which were cooked with Smart Balance, bad?

Day 5: Monday, May 23, 2011

Weight: 152.4 (WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!)

Phase: Cruise (day 2 -PP- of 73)

B: Chocolate protein shake

L: Cottage cheese and leftover London Broil

D: BBQ Chicken & deviled eggs

S: Galette

I was hungry last night but decided not to eat past 8:00 PM and that decision seemed to pay off.

Day 6: Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Weight: 153.4

Phase: Cruise (day 3 –PV- of 73)

B: Deviled eggs & chocolate mousse

L: Chicken (leftover BBQ), tomato

D: Cottage cheese and jello

S: Galette

The BBQ chicken was delicious. Definitely going to have make more of that to have around. I did not get enough veggies and not sure how to incorporate more. I should have had a salad but kind of afraid of the dressing. The jello is helping with the sugar needs.

Day 7: Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Weight: 153

Phase: Cruise (day 4 –PP- of 73)

B: Chocolate mousse

L: Cottage cheese & Jello

D: Hamburger patty with a fried egg

S: Galette

Enjoying the pancakes, er, “Galette’s.” I doubt the “fried” egg was okay but I did not add any oil to my pan and since we have no oven broiling was not an option (and a microwaved hamburger patty? I don’t think so…) I was hungry ALL day. That was bad. I need more meat around the house and we ran out of eggs too fast.

B (Breakfast): L (Lunch): D (Dinner): S (Snack/Dessert)

FYI: I have Opinions

2011-05-23T12:57:00.000-07:00

I am sure this comes as a shock to some but it’s true. I have opinions.

I have opinions about parenting children; education, special needs, chores, XXYY, allowance, friends, Autism, schools, food, and clothing.

I have opinions about what movies I watch, what’s on TV, what I listen to on the radio and CD’s (iTunes), and what I read; books, magazines, and even the backs of cereal boxes.

I have opinions about politics; the death penalty, the President, Abortion, illegal immigration, stem cell research, taxes, the Governor (of California) and local issues.

I have opinions about beauty, I do sell Mary Kay cosmetics, after all. But also weight, style, clothing choices and obviously shoes, purses and jewelry.

I have opinions about shopping.

I have opinions about marriage.

I have opinions about exercise, dieting and “food management.”

I have opinions about myself, my friends, my enemies (!), my home, my family and my role as a woman.

I have opinions about God, religion and morality.

I have lots of opinions and I’m going to start expressing them more.

The funny thing about my opinions though, they are flexible. I have strong beliefs (specifically about God) but I’m also very open-minded and enjoy a good argument, ahem, aka “discussion.”

Read on!

Trendy Trimming

2011-05-19T17:01:00.000-07:00

I've been able to lose over 40 lbs. using the Metabolism Miracle diet, which I HIGHLY recommend. I have managed to maintain for over a year, but now I am going to try the Dukan Diet to lose the last 20-25 pounds. I am hoping to document my progress, if not every day then at least 3-4 times a week.

I'm not interested in creating a whole new website devoted to this but I really like what this lady has done, so I'm going to keep track of my progress, notes on recipes, what does and doesn't work, etc.

It's also important to make an effort to exercise and I know I need to do that. Maybe keeping notes and talking about it will finally get my fat @$$ off the couch!

At the Dukan Diet website it asks a few questions to calculate your true weight.

I am 5'5"

The most I have ever weighed is 192 lbs.

The least I have ever weighed is 122 lbs.

My average weight is approx. 145 lbs.

I am small boned.

Here are my results:

There are actually four phases. The last phase they call the stabilization phase where you keep your weight stable for an extended period and are basically free to eat however you want. There are three rules to this phase which are:

1. Have a pure protein day once a week (they call them Protein Thursdays)

2. Walk 20+minutes a day

3. Eat 3 Tablespoons of Oat Bran a day.

here I go.

Who am I?

2011-05-02T13:56:00.000-07:00

I used to know who I was. I used to know what I wanted. I used to be able to accomplish things and make commitments. I used to feel up to the challenge, whatever it was. Now I feel like every little thing is a major accomplishment. It’s not that I cannot do it, it’s not that I will not do it, it’s more a combination of both. I choose what I will and won’t do. I choose what is most important and some things are chosen for me.

I am Katrina. I love to read. I love to write. I love sunshine. I love swimming. I love lemonade and Diet Coke. I love peanuts. I love bread and potatoes but I don’t eat them anymore because they make me feel bad (sick). I love Randy, my husband. I love romances and mysteries. I love my family, my parents, my nieces and nephews. I love my brothers.

I am a mom. I have five children. My oldest is now turning 18 (this week) and my youngest just turned nine in March. Each pregnancy took its toll on my body. I have stretch marks and scars. My three boys nearly killed me, which is why I don’t have more than five! The first ten years of my marriage are a blur because of babies and diapers and nursing and late nights and early mornings and laundry, Laundry, LAUNDRY!

I am a housewife. No, I’m not married to a house. I prefer Home-Maker. I am making a home for my family. A slice of heaven. A place of peace to rest and relax and not feel the anxiety and pressure of the outside world. I am not sure I am truly successful at this job as I know my husband still feels stress. I know clutter and dirt make this difficult for all of us. I try. But, the Laundry. Ugh.

I have Depression. I believe it’s genetic. I am medicated but not every day is good. The medication makes it easier to cope, it is not a “Happy Pill.” I struggle with sleep; either not getting enough or getting too much. I struggle with motivation, like doing even the things I love to do. I struggle at different times of day, at different seasons of the year and at odd times every day.

I am overweight. I lost over 40 pounds in 2009 but I can’t seem to lose the last 25-30 pounds. It’s making me crazy. I hate to sweat. I don’t really like exercise. I have never felt that “Runner’s High” or the release of endorphins when I exercise. All I’ve ever felt is tired and sore. Supposedly exercise helps with depression but for me it only makes me feel worse. And the anticipation of exercise is even worse! LOL

I have a son with 48 chromosomes. He has Klinefelter’s Syndrome XXYY variant. I can’t really tell you what all that means except that he’s difficult. He has to be taught everything. From how to walk to how to lick his upper lip; he had to be taught. He is almost 13 and is sometimes out of control. I’m no longer embarrassed by his behavior but it does frighten me. I am afraid for when he is older and bigger and might actually hurt himself or someone else.

This is my blog and I am hoping there are other women (or men) out there like me. People who struggle with who they are and what they are supposed to be doing. We are humans. We have faults. We struggle. I’m looking to not be struggling alone.

Failure is not an Option

2011-01-26T16:28:00.000-08:00

I love finding out that things are misquoted, or just simply made up because Hollywood likes the sound of it. This infamous Apollo 13 movie quote was never actually uttered but was understood by those who worked on the project. Losing men during the Apollo missions was devastating, the worst being the loss of Gus Grissom, Edward White II and Roger Chaffee during the Apollo 1 Launch Rehearsal. The concept of Failure to bring Apollo 13 home was unthinkable and the knowledgeable and dedicated workers persevered until Jim Lovell, Jack Swigert and Fred Haise returned. It was a miracle, in a sense, but truthfully the miracle is the human spirit that refused to quit. I believe that Failure actually only occurs when you choose to Quit.

When I was eighteen I had an interesting discussion with my father. We were visiting Brian Head, Utah for the first time and six of us were sharing a tiny two room condo and enjoying some family vacation time. My father and I stayed up late one night talking. He was concerned about me because I was not interested in going back to college. He asked me, “Aren‘t you afraid of failure?” The concept baffled me. How could I fail if I did not begin? Furthermore, how could I fail if I never quit? I did go back to college and am still pursuing that dream, however I do not consider myself a failure for not finishing sooner. It is a regret but not a failure because I refuse to quit. I will quit pursuing my educational goals when I can no longer breathe.

Furthermore, I refuse to quit on many other things in my life. I refused to quit on my marriage and family although at times the idea has seemed appealing. I refuse to quit on my Special Needs son who makes me mostly crazy but I love dearly. I refuse to quit on my dreams because I don’t know where they will take me. I just keep going. As long as I keep trying I am not quitting therefore I cannot fail. Once I decide to Quit, I am a Failure.

Sometimes I think I am afraid of success. I am somewhat concerned about my abilities to follow through on deadlines and consistency. Commitments frighten me. Some of it is legitimate as I am often called away to take care of my children or some other similar concern. However, it is also the idea that my creative energy has to be harnessed and tamed to produce at will. I still am not disciplined enough for that kind of obligation. Maybe.

I’m trying, however. And until I quit I do not consider myself a FAILURE.

New Year's Resolutions

2011-01-04T11:00:00.000-08:00

I don’t believe in Resolutions. Probably it goes back to the way I feel about Always and Never since a Resolution usually involves that thought process. Also, because I have discovered that I’m commitment-phobic--and no, not the “I can’t commit to marriage” commitment phobia, but the “Oh Lord, I have a deadline?” Phobia. Oh, and I have at least two books on Procrastination on my bookshelf that I didn’t purge, nor have I read, although I’ve had them both for over ten years…

I do believe in Goals. I love goals. I am always revising, revamping, reworking, and resetting Goals! I also love all the charts and graphs you can make when you set goals. They are cool and fun and you can color code them and make them with squares big enough for checkmarks or even small stickers! Yeah, I’m all about the checking stuff off…

Many years ago I wrote a list of Ten Goals I wanted to Accomplish out of my life. So far I’ve done like eight of them. Not too shabby. But the two or three left are pretty huge. Graduate from College. Oh, and not just any college, I was specific, I want to graduate from Brigham Young University. Yeah, that’s still a goal. Get published? Yeah, that’s a goal. Even though I have technically achieved that goal a couple of times (yep, even got paid!) I know it’s not really done because my real goal is to have books by the checkout register at the grocery store with embarrassing covers on them with my name splattered across the top…

Bodice Ripping Drama: Dripping with Sappy Lines and Sexy, Rich Heroes/Heroines… BY KATRINA DUVALOIS!!! Yeah, I want to embarrass my family. But I don’t really write that stuff… haha, gotcha didn’t I!

I like reviewing my goals frequently. I am always trying to improve so it’s not difficult to revamp and rework my goals. What is difficult is accepting what I can and cannot do. And I have to add that I believe it’s a Can and Cannot RIGHT NOW. Because RIGHT NOW I am not working on the college goal. I have no education goals for this year, except to get my oldest child graduated and off to college. I tell my kids to GET IT DONE because trying to do it later stinks. It’s too hard. My only Education-related goal for myself this year is to read. A lot. And from the booklists of classics and recommended reading for Masters of English. Just because I don’t have the paper doesn’t mean I can’t do the reading.

Writing? Well that baby is in motion. I have some serious writing goals for this year. Mostly because I don’t want a real job, I have to justify my time someway. I really Really REALLY want to FINISH a novel. Finish as in Beginning to Middle to End. And it makes sense, and it’s Edited and it’s ready to Submit. I have the most amazing outlines for at least two novels right now. I have no trouble stymie-ing myself so I’m only on Chapter 4 of 25 on one of them. Yeah, I could use some PRODDING. [hint, hint]

The other area of my life that needs work is purely financial. I have started and stuck to my spending fast. I accidentally bought something on Ebay over the holidays but when it arrived I gave it to my daughter (didn’t fit me anyway--haha) so that was a wash… And if you haven’t done Ebay then you don’t know how easy it is to “accidentally” buy something… No books. No clothes. And even more impressive; No Shoes! I’m starting to feel the itch but my family’s needs are more important so it’s fine. [twitch]

Mary Kay Ash said, You don’t change the goal, you just change the date. That’s my goal for this year. To keep my goals and just keep plugging away until they become reality. At least I only have a couple of areas to really work on. Or at least that I am going to work on. Sorry everyone. Not much of a New Leaf for me. Just a better, improved me. That’s the goal. But it’s not my Resolution. I don't believe in them.

Purpose

2010-12-13T10:55:00.000-08:00

I suppose there are lots of ways to say this; reason, passion, “why.” Sometimes I wish I could let it go, just live my life and take what comes and be content. I mentioned in my Gratitude post that I have been discontent and a lot of that comes from feeling that I have not and am not reaching my potential. I feel that I have a purpose greater than just existing. I think I matter. Arrogant of me, isn’t it?

However, I feel that every living being matters. Everything, all things that have an energy source influences others with energy sources. I think the gift of being human is the ability to communicate, build relationships and grow. I think that people that stagnate must be miserable. I could be wrong. I only really know how I feel and I have struggled with my purpose for a very long time.

So, what kind of influence do I want to be? What kind of influence do YOU want to be?

I do believe my role as mother is important. I think my kids are intelligent, fascinating individuals. I enjoy them. I enjoy their quirks. If I never ever publish a thing or do more than post a few blogs I will be satisfied with my children. They are brilliant and exciting and I am so glad I recognize that.

I adore my husband. Sometimes I think it’s disgusting how much I love him. He challenges me. He inspires me to be better. He teaches me. He humbles me. [Insert riotous laughter here, because anyone who knows us knows how much we are like rotating magnets sometimes!] I am learning to embrace my role as wife, and now, homemaker.

I have finally, FINALLY, found peace in my search for a “career” in that I believe that staying home and being a mother and wife and homemaker is a worthy and valuable occupation. I am now working to hone the domestic skills I have for so long disdained as beneath me. I am actually embarrassed to admit that. I have always admired women that enjoyed their role as stay-at-home-homemaker, wife and mother. I could not seem to be happy with that. I was always in pursuit of something more. Recently I have finally figured out that I don’t want more. I am content with that. It’s kind of weird, actually.

I am also at peace with my desires to be a writer. It is not a “hobby,” nor is it necessarily in pursuit of the capricious dollar. I write. I blog. I Facebook. I Twitter. I hope to finish. I hope to publish. I hope to get the recalcitrant $-advance-$ that has so far eluded me. If nothing else, I hope to complete a project, or preferably, many projects. My ideas excite me!

I know my purpose. Finally. At last I have some peace when it comes to my life and my destiny.

As I said before, I have envied those that never questioned their purpose. Those that have been comfortable with what they have been given, and maybe I have been mistaken in believing that more people exist that have this understanding than actually do. I don’t know. What I know is that I am not a young twenty-year-old college student, which is when I would have liked to have reached this point.

However, I am satisfied that I have reached it at all and am now pursuing only those things that fall within the realm I accept as my responsibility. All else gets extracted or at least set aside for a later time when I can include that aspect back into my schedule.

As the preacher wrote, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”

Gratitude

2010-12-11T07:57:00.000-08:00

At the beginning of November we received a lesson on Gratitude in our Relief Society. Sister Garrick gave each of us a little notebook to write five things we are grateful for each morning. We were to think of those things throughout the day. I was happy to fulfill this assignment and when I missed a day I would write the date on the top of the page and leave it blank so that I would be reminded that I needed to be more grateful in the future. I will probably purchase my own Gratitude Journal when this one has been filled because I like doing it. I like thinking of things. I have been amused but also contemplative over the things that I’ve written; from my children to the color Pink.

I have also thought about why I feel grateful. It seems that I have been discontent over many things throughout my life and I believe that discontent is bred from lack of gratitude so I have had to give this some thought. Why am I discontent? What things make me feel that way? Is it real? Is it something I can change? What connects us to gratitude or the lack thereof? I have had a lot of ideas pass through my head including selfishness, pride and expectations.

Selfishness as a lack of gratitude seems obvious to me. If you are totally obsessed with yourself than it is difficult to be grateful for anything. Selfishness and pride go hand in hand so if you feel proud or another word for it would be entitled than you would not be feeling grateful. If you given what you feel you deserve than you just feel justified, not necessarily grateful.

The idea of Expectations leading to ingratitude was a new idea for me. If we have certain expectations of a person or event we are likely to be disappointed and sometimes disappointment is ingratitude. To expect has some positive meanings as well, however the problem I have with it is when you pin your hopes or happiness on someone else’s behavior you are really setting yourself up for unhappiness and frustration. When we feel disappointment in someone else we are expressing a certain kind of judgment based on our perspective. That can be very touchy. I believe it is right for a parent to have certain expectations of their children, why bother teaching them otherwise? By the same token, I would expect for a teacher to have expectations of their students. However, even that can be tricky because if the teacher is inadequate than the students will not learn so their expectations are moot.

See? It’s very tricky.

Overall I believe that be grateful means you look at things as if the glass were half full. You strive to be positive and seek the good even in bad situations. Even as I write this I am icing my back because I did something to it and I can’t stand up straight. I do not have time for this. It is holiday season, not a good time to be sick or hurt or confined or any of those restrictive things. However, what a great excuse to sit and write! It is also an opportunity for others to serve me!

I learned long ago to watch what I say because if you say, “It can’t get worse,” it will. If you say “I would never!” Then you probably will. And if you say, “I will be happy when…” You will probably not find happiness in anything. All those thoughts promote ingratitude. Instead think, “What am I supposed to be learning?” or “Who is to benefit from my being here?” and, I believe almost most importantly, “What can I do to help someone else be happier today?” because the best way to find happiness is to lose yourself in another. The best way to show gratitude is to share of yourself, your time and your energy.

The Meaning of Life

2010-12-08T09:57:00.000-08:00

I have finally decided on the “theme” for my blog. Yep, it’s The Meaning of Life. Yeah, that might be a rather broad area but really it’s about the Meaning of YOUR life, or MY life. I was trying to figure out how to encompass all the things that fascinate and pique my interest while at the same time what I could contribute to the mass that is blogosphere. I decided on Meaning because that was something that really hit me as was sitting at a desk for fifteen months answering the phone and filing paperwork in duplicate and triplicate. I contemplated the meaning of what I was doing and was disappointed in myself for not feeling like what I was doing was contributing more to the betterment of mankind.

So in truth, I was glad to be fired. The shock at first was sadness, a little anger but then relief and then excitement as I realized I would now have TIME to do all those things I was upset about NOT doing for the betterment of mankind because I didn’t think I had time.

Serendipity. It’s fascinating, is it not? Sometimes things happen that appear to be random yet on retrospect seem providential and fortuitous. That’s how I now feel about losing my job. I miss the people I worked with but I don’t miss the monotonous and mundanity of the day-to-day tasks that were required of me.

I suppose that’s how I feel about housework as well, except when I can actually see the rewards of my efforts at home, such as a house that looks like a home because we put pictures up. Or a piece of paper I can now find because it’s filed appropriately. Those things make me happy but they do not define me. To define me means to look at all those aspects of me that most people don’t look at, don’t think about. I am complex in my uniqueness but not in my humanity. I need to feel loved, as do all humans. I also need to feel useful, which most humans also recognize. However, to feel truly useful I need to be writing. I need to be uplifting. I need to be teaching.

I have already decided that to be a public school teacher is NOT for me. This morning I looked at a list of up and coming jobs that would be high paying without a lot of education and one listed was a Physician’s Assistant. Hmm, I thought. Now there’s a worthwhile career! But if I go back to school it would be to finish what I’ve already started and go into that very cool Master’s Program I really want to do! That’s my impetus. That would simply give me more reason to write and read. Are you laughing? You should be, it’s so me!

I am writing more. Not as much as I would like to yet, but I’m getting in the habit. Thanks to National Novel Writing Month and other writers inspiration that I tap into now and again. It seems that there are millions of “wanna-be” writers out there but I don’t care. I want to be a writer. I want to publish. I want to make a difference to someone. I want somebody somewhere to read something I’ve written and think, “Oh I know how that feels! I’m not alone!”

So if writing is my Meaning than what I will be writing will hopefully help you to figure out YOUR meaning. Maybe give you an idea and maybe even the tools to BECOME what you dream. I believe in myself. I believe anyone can do anything. I have always believed that. My parents instilled in me that belief and although I might sometimes forget, or be sidetracked (YaThink?) but it is still there. That basic conviction that all of us have the power within us to be whatever we want to be, even if it seems impossible, improbable or even foolish to others. I have proved it to myself already. So if you need to prove it to yourself than stay tuned. I’ll tell you how!

Beauty

2010-11-15T22:27:00.000-08:00

I have been wanting to write about this for a while. Finally, I am taking a moment to express my thoughts on a subject that is obviously (since I'm a Beauty Consultant) important to me.

Someone said, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” There is no direct credit for this saying, just that it originated in Greek literature. Interesting to think that the concept of beauty and who decides what is beautiful is dependent on he who sees. I would imagine that those who are blind can determine a certain level of beauty as well.

Case in point, Shallow Hal, a movie about a guy who is brainwashed into only seeing people as they are on the inside. Everyone he meets is seen through this veil of hypnosis and their physical appearance is altered by their internal beauty, or lack thereof. He meets and falls in love with an obese woman whom he sees as beautiful and slender. Interestingly he even visits a hospital ward of burn victims without having a clue to their deformities. All he sees are young, innocent children. Later, when his “friend” undoes the spell he doesn’t even recognize the woman he loves. (He doesn’t even recognize the beautiful woman he met as a hag—because her inner beauty obviously did not exist). Fortunately he realizes that the external beauty he has been conditioned to believe is transformed and he reunites with his true love (who fortunately for him, forgives him for his folly).

I consider myself an image consultant. My actual title Mary Kay Inc. lets me use is Independent Beauty Consultant. I am here to consult with regarding YOUR beauty. Whatever that means to you!

In July Mary Kay revealed a Beauty Truth statement and it appealed to me in a very real way. It states simply:

Mary Kay believes that beauty is more than just the way a woman looks- it's also an expression of how she feels. From the characteristics that make her unique and unforgettable to the way she touches the lives of those around her to the products she uses to enhance her natural beauty.
A Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant is there to guide every woman in her desire to find ways to express her own sense of beauty. Because no one understands better that all women are beautiful both inside and out.

I cannot convey how much this statement appealed to me! I am here to GUIDE others to their own sense of beauty. How many of us have spent time worrying about how we look? Really the sense of beauty you feel should come from within. I am only here to help enhance what you have, to put together a picture that will reflect what you already feel inside yourself.

So if you haven’t done it yet I recommend looking at my site. There is a virtual makeover; there is information on all kinds of products (you know we don’t just sell lipstick, right). Even videos to help with looks that may or may not require our product! I am here to guide you to your beauty.

May you all feel beautiful, as you should, as you are!

The Spending Fast

2010-11-02T13:43:00.000-07:00

The other day I read an article on Yahoo news about a bunch of different people and their approaches to “this economy” and their personal battles and choices to combat money issues. I was enlightened by one woman’s goal to go on a “spending fast.” I liked the terminology. It made sense to me and I felt it time to apply such restriction on myself. So I’ve made a commitment.

I informed my family, and a few others that I am now (as of November 1^st) on a “Spending Fast.” That means I will no longer spend money on myself. I am not allowed to buy books, shoes, clothing, purses, accessories or any other unnecessary items for myself. I am excluding hygiene products or other health-related items.

My husband, predictably, took this statement tongue in cheek. I get it. I know he’s the type to only believe what he sees, especially when it’s about Me and Money.

You see, Money and I, we have a Love/Hate relationship. I suppose Money is probably aloof about the whole thing but I definitely have issues.

I hope to be checking in now and again during the six months I have committed to this fast. Hopefully our financial burdens will be eased by my taking a more unselfish approach to spending.

We’ll see.

Getting Organized

2010-10-27T00:23:00.000-07:00

Random movie quote, "The chickens are not organized!"

So… I’m up too late. I mean Letterman is on, I don’t watch Letterman! But I’ve been at my calendar all evening (you know you can’t plan anything if you don’t plan) and just finished and got an eyeful of Yellow Taylor Swift and I had a random thought. “She doesn’t have boobs!” Hmmm.

That was weird.

You may or may not be aware that writers like to collect office supplies. We have an affinity for pens and pencils (and are quite picky too!) I also like to collect organization tools, particularly calendars. And bins. File boxes, file folders, notebooks, sheet protectors. Yeah.

I was watching the latest episode of CSI about a “Hoarder.” Apparently it’s a real illness. And just as I suspected there IS a method to the madness! I might be a Level 1 Hoarder but truthfully I think I’m just too lazy to go through the gazillion boxes in my garage. It’s overwhelming. Um, but apparently that’s part of the thing. There was actually a name for putting things in boxes to go through later. I just thought it was called “tidying up for company.”

So my calendar is done and I have created a daily task list that comprises of approximately 60 items a day. That list is on Excel, by the way, and the calendar is on Calendar Creator Plus. I’m still trying to get them to print correctly. I have a pink binder with a zipper from a previous attempt at organization. Hope that helps.

Wow, just saw an ad for a Very Cool Phone! It had a calendar on it….

Oh dear.

The Mortal Experience

2010-10-15T15:32:00.001-07:00

We’ve all been there at some point another when we wonder, Why? Why this tragedy? It could be as simple as a stupid choice or as complicated as a tragic death of an innocent. Why can I not conceive? Why am I alone? Why is life so hard? Why does it all have to hurt so much? If you have yet to experience such heart-wrenching grief than kudos to you for the moment but chances are you will.

I have often hoped that I could have one more day with my loved ones that I’ve lost. Just to have One More opportunity to hold them, to tell them I love them, to laugh with them, to just be with them. However, I have come to realize that one more day would never ever be enough. I could not be satisfied with one more day. I also believed, foolishly, that it would be easier if I had an opportunity to say goodbye. The truth is being able to say goodbye does not make goodbye any easier. No matter how you look at it Death is painful.

Sure, sometimes it feels like a relief because you know your loved one is no longer in pain; physical or emotional. You might believe they are happier, if you believe they have continued on, which I do. It still hurts for you. It is the living who feel the crushing weight of grief. It is the living who have to endure the rising and setting of the sun every day, whether they are ready for it or not.

I believe that we will be reunited with loved ones someday. I believe they are happy and busy. I believe God loves us and knows our pains and sorrows. It is this belief that allows me to continue each day when the sun shines in my bedroom windows and allows me the strength to greet the day as a gift. Another day for me to spend with those I still love. To tell the ones that are still here with me that I love them. To hold my children another day before that time is lost to me.

Gratitude for who I am, who I have been able to love and gratitude for the constant opportunity to share love with others is what keeps me going every day.

Duvalois Test Video 1.wmv

2010-09-12T15:29:00.000-07:00

...in For-Ev-er!

2010-09-11T07:54:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted.

I will.

I promise.

Some of the topics I plan to cover this week include;

One More Day: Getting one more day with a loved one

Genetics: A very fascinating subject

What is Beauty? What's your take?

Stay tuned!

Toward or Towards?

2010-05-14T06:12:00.001-07:00

I am a Lover of Language, a Word Wrangler a Storyteller. A Grammar-tician I am not. I am always confused if it’s Toward or Towards? I’ve been told I “comma splice” but I don’t really know what that means. I want to know.

I have decided that I’m going to live a long time. I have many goals I’ve set for myself and I’m discovering that they are coming to pass whether I plan for it or not. It’s curious really. I made a set of goals for myself when I was around twelve, I revamped them around age 20 and they go like this:

Get married in the temple (check)

Go on a mission (check)

Go to BYU (check)

Become a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant (check—yes, that’s really there!)

Now here are the ones that will make me an old lady…

Graduate from BYU

Become a teacher (now it’s a college teaching job I’m going after, at the time I was thinking High School—bleck!)

So, you see, I have time to move toward my goals, or is it towards? Because I’m going to grow very old and be that 90-year-old great grandma walking across the stage the BYU graduation in 2050! Oh wait, 2055! Ha ha!

You envy me, I know it.

News Stew

2010-04-22T20:51:00.000-07:00

All the news you need to know, and with my slant! What could be better? Welcome to my newest idea. My take on the news. Enjoy.

So I had to sigh in relief that I DID NOT renew my McAfee protection after all. Yesterday they “accidentally” provided an update that caused computers to “endlessly reboot.” Yikes! Can you imagine the frustration? Sure they provided a fix but how do you keep your computer UP long enough to download it? Glad I let that one go!

And in more technology news… Google is allowing US to see how often the Government checks up on us. Hmm. It’s kind of interesting information but seriously VAGUE. Thanks Google for making technology easy. ???

Speaking of the internet… Now we know why the market crashed. The financial “watchdogs” were “busy.” Doing what? Why watching PORN on Government computers, of course. Isn’t that what you do at work? Isn’t that lovely. Makes you want to work for the Government, doesn’t it.

And if you haven’t heard about the mom that tried to “return” her adopted son, you have now. Yep. She adopted a boy from Russia and less than a year later put him on a return flight. By himself. Just when I thought I was the worst mother in the world something like this hits the news and I’m relieved of guilt.

I get her frustration, the boy threatened to burn down the family home but she could have made a different choice on how to handle it. Now we are dealing with the backlash that could leave many orphans without willing parents that won’t send them back.

Skipping all Tiger Woods commentary (that’s an entire blog on it’s own!) I’ll just ask if you’ve seen this video? If not, you should… is he a baseball player or a gymnast? Cool!

Just when you think mankind is doomed by selfishness, you see a story like this that warms your heart.

And last, but not least (well, not for me anyway). For those of us who know her as the vapid and self-absorbed Kelly Kapoor on “The Office” can congratulate Mindy Kaling on her first book! Woo Hoo! I am always proud of new authors. In case you didn’t know she does write for the show. I follow her on Twitter and you can too!

That’s all for today folks. You can go about your business now.

Mondays & Fridays

2010-03-12T16:19:00.001-08:00

For some reason I thought I already posted this... It's been a while but this has been sitting and waiting for posting.

I used to love Mondays and hate Fridays. Now, for the opposite reason I’m dreading Mondays and loving Fridays.

Back in the day of unemployment Friday meant the beginning of the Reign of Chaos. Everyone was home. Everyone was demanding my attention and my time. I couldn’t relax, chill, play Bejeweled or Mahjong. Lame! Everyone being home meant lots of noise and mess everywhere. It meant driving all over tarnation for something I didn’t even get to do, like dancing. I hated Fridays.

Mondays meant everyone out of the house. It meant at least five blessed hours of quiet and freedom. I could read, or write, or clean or sleep. Nobody demanded my attention or asked me to work. The only driving I had to do was that which was required for getting said family Out of the House …oh and back again. Mondays meant four days of such bliss, while Fridays were three days of pure and utter pandemonium.

Now I’m employed. Hallelujah. But where is MY time? I no longer have a farm in Farmtown. My Bejeweled score stays below one. My naps are limited to the back seat of the car during church or my limited lunch hour (which is actually thirty minutes). Forget about reading, or writing or cleaning. I have to wake up at the BUTTcrack of dawn just to get my basic morning routine accomplished. I’m exhausted before eight o’clock at night and have limited my TV shows to about ONE.

Oh and Saturdays? Yeah, I still have to drive all over the place and still don’t get to participate. I also get to go shopping (ever done Costco or Wal-Mart on a Saturday? GAH!). By Sunday around eleven in the morning I’m ready to pass out. And where am I you ask? In church. Not the best place to be napping (although it is peaceful and quiet).

I’m not complaining, however. I like my job. I love the people I work with. I’m happy to be busy and productive. I’m just so tired. Considering I spend a lot of my time at work organizing and filing you’d think the boxes in my bedroom would be much better managed. I miss my family. I miss my house. I miss my new puppy, Bailey (he still has puppy breath).

So now I love Fridays because it means I get to go shopping ( – and I need to post about the beauty of Thrift Stores!) and spend time with my family. I get to visit with my girls when I drive them all over the place and snuggle with my boys. I get to watch the TV shows I’ve missed and spend time with my husband. I get to sleep in and get caught up with my online friends.

I’m finally normal and love Fridays and dread Mondays.

Belle Loves Grumpy

2010-02-15T19:28:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time there lived a Beautiful Girl who did not know she was beautiful. She spent much of her time reading. She read in the morning, in the afternoon and sometimes all night long. She even read while in school when she was supposed to be learning fractions. Her mind was immersed in the fantasy of imagination and destiny. Oh, and she loved shoes.

In another part of the land lived a Grumpy Boy. He wasn’t always grumpy but deep inside he thought he was grumpy and every now and then his grumpiness would overcome him. He was a decent boy, a hard worker and a loving son. He wanted to do what was right, but being left-handed just made life difficult. He struggled to see the glass half full.

One day, inevitably, the Beautiful Girl and the Grumpy Boy were in the same place. They didn’t notice each other at first. After some time the Beautiful Girl started to feel beautiful and began to change. As she believed in her beauty she became even more beautiful. That is when the Grumpy Boy noticed her and asked her to paint her toenails. She did.

It wasn’t long (one date) at all before the Beautiful Girl and the Grumpy Boy fell in love and got married. And lived Happily Ever After.

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT…

My Dear Husband (DH) and I recently celebrated our 19^th Anniversary. Not too much of a milestone considering both our parents have celebrated their 50^th Anniversaries. I guess we have a lot to live up to. Coincidentally the next day we were watching a lecture given at BYU by a Marriage & Family Professor about how to have a successful marriage. He said the two key components were Repentance and Forgiveness. We just looked at each other and nodded. Oh yeah, we know about that!

While out to dinner the night before I made the comment, “It’s been quite the ride!” My DH agreed. Marriage is not easy. Despite what some moronic celebrities might think, marriage takes work. It requires compromise and compassion. After 19 years do I consider myself an expert? Not at all, I do however know that in order to keep our marriage “alive” we MUST recognize or OWN our mistakes, apologize sincerely for them and accept the apologies given. Of course, the ideal relationship would be where each partner knows ahead of time that the said behavior/reaction/comment would be hurtful/disturbing/annoying to the other and then have the maturity to avoid them. Um. Have they created the device yet that does that? Reads minds I mean. Or the pill that activates the unselfish gene? I have heard that selfishness and pride can destroy a marriage. Okay. Well that would be the opposite of Repentance and Forgiveness so that makes sense.

In case you haven’t figured it out I am the Beautiful Girl. DH is the Grumpy Boy and the HEA takes a lot more than shoes and learning to be ambidextrous. Beautiful Girl must learn to forgive Grumpy Boy for being grumpy and Grumpy Boy must learn to forgive Beautiful Girl for spending all the money on shoes and all her time reading books. The same things that may appeal to us may also make us crazy.

That’s our Fairy Tale. What’s yours?

Commentaries, NOT Reviews

2010-02-07T21:22:00.000-08:00

So I have been thinking that I wanted to put reviews of books, movies, music, television, maybe even radio and commercials. But honestly I don’t want to do a review, I want to just make commentary. You know those people you hate at the movies and when you watch TV that ask questions and talk to the screen. Or the ones that tell you what is going to happen next because the writing is so bad? Yes Sir! I’m one of those and I make my husband and children crazy over it! Thank you and you’re welcome.

Lately I’ve only been watching one television show so that would be easy. Movies? Nothing. So give me an excuse to watch more, see more and listen more. Then I can come on here and tell you what I think. That’s what I really like doing, giving my opinion. I don’t really want to give a non-biased opinion because that would be silly. Of course I’m biased. And of course I have an opinion. I always have an opinion. When I don’t have an opinion then it must be really bad or unimportant (at least to me). It may or may not be something you want to hear but nonetheless I like sharing. Yeah, that’s the way I am.

I have shied away a bit from giving too much of a religious slant on my opinions but that will probably be changing too. I have ideas about humans and the Great Plan and why we’re even in existence and I believe all things turn around that One Great Truth. So many of my opinions are based on these life and “being” concepts that I’ve worked on for years. Much of what is good comes from The Source and will reflect in a good way, “…by their fruits…” if you will.

As many of my wonderful friends have started, I also have joined in on the 101 things you want to do in 1001 days. It’s a list and near the top of my list is learning how to write Abstracts. Eventually I hope to be in an MFA program that will require me to write an Abstract for every book I read. Freaking cool! So it would be a good idea to learn how to do that and kind of perfect the process before actually investing a limb or bodily organ in fees to acquire said degree.

I also wanted to note that my niece was writing a blog with definitions. I loved her idea and I might steal it from time to time. I am hoping to have several postings a week. They will be short and hopefully sweet. Some will be heartwarming while others will make you wince. Some will be educational while others simply silly. Either way, it’s what I’m thinking about or hearing about or wondering about. Maybe you are or will be too? Maybe my musings will give you insight or stir you to anger or more hopefully, make you crack a smile or two.

Really the most important thing I want to accomplish is to blog regularly and go viral. C’mon… Help me out here. HAHAHA!

The Family Sundae

2010-01-20T05:38:00.001-08:00

For those of you not on my Christmas card list this essay was included ...along with the cutest pic of our family I ever did see!

Recently it occurred to me that my family is much like an ice cream sundae, complete with all the toppings. Each item alone is wonderful enough, but together? Wow! What a combination of flavors, textures, colors and aromas! It wasn’t that difficult for me to identify each family member and which role of the sundae they would be and how they complement each other. Combined we create the most delectable treat for anyone!

For starters I see my dear husband as the vanilla ice cream. He is the steady, firm base from which all the flavors originally derive. By adding a variant of other items, like chocolate chips, or ribbons of caramel, he can be fashioned into an entirely new flavor. He is also enhanced by different processes of the same flavor; vanilla. French vanilla, Dulce de Leche, Vanilla Bean are all just different ways to say, “Vanilla.” This makes him the most versatile yet the one most likely to have to change to accommodate all the other flavors surrounding him.

Our oldest child, Kimberly, is the chocolate ice cream; another basic flavor, but also versatile. She is a favorite among many and yet for some an acquired taste. Some, it seems, chocolate is an addiction while others shy away. She can be strong and subtle. She can overpower or accent.

Obviously Emily is the strawberry ice cream. It is pink. It is sugary. It is straightforward but occasionally can give an acidic bite. She is saucy and sweet. Bright in color, sweet in flavor she can be the perfect complement to both her sister and her father.

Our oldest boy, Willem, is like the chocolate sauce. A special treat whether served hot or cold. Alone he can be a bit much but served together with the others he is the perfect accent.

Served just this way the sundae would nearly be complete.

Our Jacob is like the whip cream. Sweet, fluffy, not completely solid, he adds beauty and texture to the entire sundae. His flavor can be enhanced with vanilla and sugar. When more agitated he can become something completely different and not entirely suited for a sundae. He can melt and be more flavorful; stay firm and add sweetness and fullness to the other flavors.

Bryan is the cherry on top. Not necessarily a Maraschino cherry (since I don’t like them) but definitely a delightful, colorful and extra special treat! He is bright, well-rounded, and complements everything and everyone around him. His flavor can be distasteful to some while others crave and covet for their own.

Me? I’m nuts, of course!

15 Minutes of Fame

2009-12-12T06:48:00.000-08:00

Recently a family went to great lengths to bring themselves their fifteen minutes of fame. They made it appear that a small child was in danger, life-threatening danger, when in fact he was safe and sound. It took some time but in the end the truth was discovered, that it was all a hoax, a planned publicity stunt so the parents (mostly the father) would be considered for a reality show. WHAT? Sounds crazy? Well, it’s true and unfortunately becoming more and more common.

How many people send in their “audition” tapes to be on reality shows? How many people wave behind a news camera during a tragedy? Who are these people? Are they all of us? Do we all seek this glory we call “fame?” I hope not.

A recent pop song’s lyrics include,” When I grow up I want to be famous.” They also say they want to be a star and be in movies. Yet when you look closely at these “famous” people they go to great lengths to protect their privacy. They are constantly being quoted or misquoted. The most heinous or hideous the news the more scandal sheets have the ugliest picture they can find splashed across the front. That sounds appealing? Um. I’m thinking Not so much.

However, even I am not immune to the appeal of mass media attention. While listening to the radio one morning I heard Ryan Seacrest give advice to a woman and I disagreed. It wasn’t that I disagreed completely with his advice, but I did disagree with his reasoning and with his theory. So I made a phone call. Well, truth be told, I made several phone calls. Then after speaking to someone I sat on hold for a while. Eventually though I was transferred to Ryan and his co-host Ellen and the first thing I said was, “I love you Ryan, but…” Then we had a short but succinct conversation regarding this woman and her situation when Ryan commented, “I’m glad you don’t have your own radio show dispensing your bad advice!” Everyone laughed but me (I laughed later).

The funniest thing about this entire situation was that (my BFF/PLLATSABIDSA) Lori and I have for years thought of having our own radio show to dispense advice. She called me after hearing it laughing her head off (it was recorded as a message so I still have –and listen to—this delightful little tidbit!) over Ryan’s comment. She told me that I should have mentioned it but I’m so glad I didn’t. Oh, the ridicule! I was, however, quite giddy over having spoken with The Ryan Seacrest. I have commented several times to many different people that I got to tell him that I loved him (and I’m not so sure he even heard that part!).

Getting to hear yourself on the radio can be a little disconcerting, however I found it fun and invigorating. I was surprised at how good I sounded and that I matched Ryan’s articulation and word skill. I could be on the radio, not sure I want to though. After a few phone calls from friends that actually heard me (all laughing, I might add) I thought about this idea of fame and whether it was something I actually wanted. Nope. Not really. I certainly wouldn’t mind the paycheck that might come with it but the ultimate responsibility and lack of privacy would make me crazy. I relish in the ability to people-watch and blend with a crowd. I don’t think I could handle the criticism and lies that would inevitably follow from infamy. That does not sound appealing in the least!

So for my fifteen minutes of fame I got to speak with a well-known, well-loved celebrity who does not seem to make the headlines too often. I was heard by enough people to make me happy and know that my experience actually happened and wasn’t some obscure fantasy, or even a dream that seemed real but wasn’t. Unfortunately I was not able to re-access the experience on the internet or I would post it here for you all to hear but know it happened and it was fun!

If you are seeking some fifteen minutes beware lest it be in some negative way. The idea of being publicly ridiculed or chastised does not appeal to me in any way and if you are simply seeking fame then be careful of what you wish for!

INtolerance & INfinitives

2009-12-05T16:03:00.000-08:00

One of my mottos is “I cannot tolerate intolerance.” I love oxymoron’s like that. By the same token I have realized that an entire classification of words is offensive to me. Infinitives. Thus I have created another motto; “Never use infinitives, they are always wrong!”

I realize that my mottos contradict themselves but that is the nature of the way I think. Both ideas are founded on ignorance. Really, Ignorance is what is intolerable. There is no possible way to know how another person is, believes or feels in their hearts. Being judged is a serious pet-peeve of mine and both definitions require some kind of judgment.

I realize that stereotypes are not always wrong, that’s how they came about in the first place. However, it is seriously ignorant to believe that because a certain group commonly behaves X way therefore ALL of group X ARE this way. What? No! Where is the individualism? Where is the personal choice? What about the exception? There are always exceptions! That’s why infinitives make me crazy.

Infinitives are rude, presumptuous and arrogant. Do not use them around me unless you want to be criticized mercilessly for your obvious ignorance. Common uses: “I am never…” Of course you are! “You are always…” I most definitely am not! Another favorite use, “Every time it happens like this…” Not every time, that’s ridiculous!

Choices are at the root of both my mottos. I believe everyone has the power of personal choice. What we cannot choose are the resulting consequences. We also cannot control others choices. We have to learn to tolerate others freedom to choose. Sometimes the fallout of poor choices affects more than just the one making the choice (which is how bad things happen to good people). Just as we cannot control others choices we also cannot predict them. How often can we even predict our own? Sometimes we find ourselves in a situation we never imagined and suddenly we find ourselves making choices we claimed we would NEVER make! It happens. That is why intolerance is intolerable and infinitives are ignorant. Stay away from them!

Recently a coworker pointed out a news article that seemed contradictory to him. It was about the LDS church and their backing of some gay rights initiatives. The particular issues were regarding employment and housing. The church’s standpoint was that nobody should be denied work or residence based on their sexual preferences. Why is this a surprise to people? One of our basic beliefs is based on tolerance; Article of Faith #11 states, “We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.” You can worship your keychain for all we care, just don’t hurt anyone, steal anything or damage any property while doing it. By the same token, please allow us the same opportunity. This is The Golden Rule at its finest!

While maintaining their stance on marriage (between a man and woman) the church does not contradict its teachings or any of their fundamental beliefs by backing legislature that insures people’s personal rights. We embrace such doctrine! We also allow ourselves the benefit of jurisdiction over church property; thus making same-sex public displays of affection forbidden on such properties, schools or places of worship. That is our prerogative and has nothing to do with personal rights. That couple still has the right to be together in whatever manner they desire, as long as it is not on church property. That’s the issue. We also don’t allow smoking; does that make us racist against smokers? That is ridiculous!

While some may still like to believe that the LDS church is racist, prejudiced, narrow minded and unfair, I tend to believe the opposite. The fact that I am a member is only an indication of what I think they stand for and one of the basic principals is that everyone has their own agency to choose their lifestyle, education, employment, place of residence, mode of worship and familial relationships. It is free choice. The only control they wield is over church membership, properties and privileges. That sounds fair. They make the rules, we can choose to follow or not.

Unfortunately there are members who believe differently. I don’t understand it. I don’t get it, but I know it exists. For whatever reason, they justify judgmental behaviors and intolerance. I have found that these tend to be the same people that use infinitives. Interesting, don’t you think?

No matter what, I believe Intolerance is Intolerable. Ignorance embraces Infinitives. Education inspires and widens the mind. Freedom is the key. I have to tolerate the ignorant that are intolerant and use infinitives. My only grace is that I don’t have to be their friend.

Vicki Hinze on Writing

2009-10-11T11:20:00.000-07:00

I am reposting this blurb, courtesy of Vicki Hinze. It is invaluable and I personally need to see this frequently.

"Anna, you wrote: "When should a person give up on becoming a writer if they don't publish?"

I'm going to be blunt; you deserve the unvarnished truth.

If you can quit writing, do it.
If you're meant to write, you won't be able to quit, and that is the fastest, most fool-proof way of determining whether or not you're a writer.

Being a writer and writing to sell are two different things. A writer can write for many reasons aside from selling and still be a writer. It depends on why you're writing.

Many write because they have something to say they want others to hear. That seems from your note to be the group into which you fall. You want to write to sell.

You also say it's a part of you, you feel it deep inside. That means you won't quit. How long it takes is less important than doing it. You're writing for a purpose.

That makes the question, have you defined that purpose? What is it you have to say you want others to hear? Discover that. Explore it.

When you do, you'll be writing with direction and toward your purpose. That means you'll be writing to your author theme.

Every author has one. (Mine's healing. I write stories and books about wounded people healing.) It doesn't matter which genre you write in on this, your theme will follow you because it is the intricate part of you that defines the lens through which you see the world. The things you consider important. How you see the things you consider important.

When we write to our theme, we are writing what comes naturally to us and that puts passion and compassion into the work. It infuses it. And that creates the magic.

It took me 15 books and countless proposals to learn what I've written to you above. Had I learned it earlier I would have respected the writer within the author earlier. But I had to learn via the school of hard knocks with tidbits learned here and there.

The bottom line is it takes what it takes. Keep reading, keep writing, keep studying craft, keep learning. There are a ton of articles on writing in my library. It's free, it's at www.vickihinze.com. I've always spoken frankly about my journey and perhaps in reviewing what's there and on the My Kitchen Table blog, where more often than not, I talk writing, it will spare you some of the challenges I've gotten into and help you in your quest.

The journey is the key. Loving it along the way. For me, writing hasn't been about building a career. It's been about building a purposeful life. One I feel has been worth living.

You see, you can look at many bestselling writers and see unhappy people. People who are always struggling for some undefinable goal. But you can also see many bestselling authors who are content. Still striving in their work, in their lives, but content with their journey because it is infused with purpose.

That intangible makes the difference.

Lastly, Anna, if you feel the desire, then know--don't think, but know--that you're never given the desire without also being given the ability to gain what you need to manifest that desire. As long as you're constructively working toward it, you're succeeding.

Don't give up. Don't give in. Don't focus on selling so much as writing the best book you can possibly write. One that most matters to you.

Each book you write, ask yourself, "If this is the last book I write, is the last book I want to have written." If yes, do it. If not, keep seeking that last book.

Every book demands that kind of intent and focus and desire to be its best. And since you're investing your time in it--that's your life, Anna--shouldn't you also require that much? I say yes. If it's worth this slice of my life, it better be worth it.

And know you're not alone. Brand new or been around a while, every writer needs support and encouragement to keep going sometimes. We all need that, whether or not we admit it aloud--or even to ourselves."

Blogging About Blogging

2009-08-23T21:26:00.000-07:00

It’s been a while. And I hate that it’s been so long.

I got a job. That’s the good news and the bad news. I’m gone approx. 10+ hours a day (including travel time). That’s a lot.

When I started my blog I never intended it to be an online personal journal. My goal was to write about things from my perspective. I have kept to that intent yet I find myself struggling with what to say. What can I say that’s new? Funny? Quirky? Or possibly even informative? Those are my real goals. Be profoundly clever. Be informative yet humorous. Alas, my blog lacks in entries and I hope to remedy this.

My new goal is to write two or more blogs per week. As I ruminated earlier, it can be short and sweet like Katie Couric’s short “Page from my Journal” blurbs on CBS radio stations. The point is to write and to write often. I have goals. I have dreams. I have ideas. I also have numerous people living in my head who want out and I am the only one that can do that. They are my creation, thus my responsibility. If their stories ever get told it will be because I finally did what I need to do to get them out. If I sound a little crazy then, yeah. That’s the thing.

I appreciate everyone that reads my blog and hope that I fulfill your expectations of my writing abilities. I have so many people that say such nice things to me and I still worry that I’m just a dork and a slouch with no real talent or ability who is delusional about her ideas. If that is true then just keep it to yourself because I need something to hang onto to keep my sanity and make me believe I’m special.

In other words, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

The Golden Rule Girl

2009-05-30T16:21:00.001-07:00

My VBFF (Very Best Friend Forever—who has another nickname I won’t go into today) calls me “The Golden Rule Girl.” I love this, however, I have found that it tends to get me into trouble with those that expect something different. Ah, yes, that lovely word: Expectations. Not something I emphasize too much. I have them; for myself, for my children, of course… However, I don’t judge others based on mine. Well, maybe my children, and a little bit my husband, but certainly not those outside my immediate family. I don’t see the point. No, not even with my parents or siblings. They are who they are and that is no bearing on me. I cannot say for certain that that is reciprocal however.

What it means is that I treat others they way I expect them to treat me. The problem with this is that I have pretty low expectations of others therefore I can tick people off without realizing it. I can also be completely unaware of how my actions affect others. I really have no clue. I do not ever mean to offend but I am sure that I do and have. I am truly sorry if you have been a victim of my complete cluelessness, know that it is not done maliciously or even knowingly. I am just toodling around in my life hoping that other people are not bothered by my seeming indifference. Maybe I am indifferent, if so then it is because I really have no idea.

It also means that I speak my mind. The other missionaries I worked with used to call me “Sister Blunt.” I was not necessarily proud of this distinction, I just really did not know any other way to communicate. I was not and am not much of a flirt. I really do not understand the concept. Why would you not just tell people how you feel? This baffles me.

So if I have perchance, and probably so, offended you in some way, I am sorry. I probably have no idea I have done so. I may or may not have intentionally targeted you or yours. It was certainly not meant to harm, I am just trying to be myself. I am sorry if that offends you but chances are slim that I will change. I like being blunt. I like being straightforward. I like speaking my mind. I also like being unpredictable (read: undependable) but see the downfall to that. I hope this clears it all up for you.

Why Scouting? ...an LDS perspective.

2009-05-08T17:29:00.000-07:00

As a parent I want to teach my children to have a strong character and unyielding values. I want to believe that when my job is done I can send my children out into the world confident that they can and will survive, no, can and will thrive! With the Boy Scout program boys can learn basic survival skills and self reliance in a fun group setting while setting and achieving goals, reaping rewards for and understanding the value of hard work and learning independence.

Our youth are interested in having fun. Scouting should be presented in a way that they feel excited about what they are learning. The activities and skills learned should be geared toward interests and goals of the boys. Some boys feel that they are not “cut out” for Scouting, which means they have a limited understanding of what Boy Scouts has to offer. Maybe they just see the work and not the rewards, maybe their parents are unsupportive of the program or maybe they just lack guidance.

President Gordon B. Hinckley has stated: "I love the Scouting movement. If every boy in America knew and observed the Scout Oath, we would do away with most of the jails and prisons in this country. This program builds boys, builds their futures, leads them on the right path so they can make something of their lives. Every man or woman who helps a boy along the road of life not only does a great thing for him but does a great thing for society as a whole." The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has embraced the Scouting program for the male youth in the church. Starting from age eight, boys are led in areas of personal growth, loyalty and basic skills. These activities should be reflective on every aspect of their lives. By living the Scout Oath and the Scout Law, each boy commits to being better at everything they attempt. With a pledge that includes “to do my duty” to traditional values, and constantly strive to do their best in worthy causes; a motto that encourages them to “Be Prepared” for whatever may come, and a slogan to “Do a good turn daily,” helps boys realize that they are part of a bigger whole.

In addition to basic survival skills, boys are taught how to be men of strong character. These young men are our future leaders, both political and religious. The Scout Law teaches the boys to be “Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean and Reverent.” These are qualities of social and spiritual leadership. Imagine how society would be if everyone, not just the Boy Scouts strived to live these values daily. Our futures would be secure and we could insure peace around the globe!

Lord Baden Powell, the founding father of the Boy Scouts, was a British military leader. A hero from the British Boer War, he trained boys and men in the skills of scouting for military purposes. Over the years he received letters from former trainees regarding all they had learned under his tutelage that affected their post-military lives in positive ways. Eventually he pondered the idea of training boys as “peacetime” scouts, “ready at all times to help others.”

He believed, “The training would have to be attractive and interesting. Here his own boyhood gave him a clue. He remembered the fun of boating and tramping with his brothers…and the eagerness with which…he had slipped away into the copse to watch animals and make fires and cook rabbits. To all this he could now add his own experiences as a practical pioneer and scout in the army.” (E. Reynolds, Oxford University Press, First printed in 1943.) From these ideas and principals, he began the process of building a training program for boys. He ran a successful camp session at Brownsea in 1907 and the Boy Scouts were officially created in 1910. The Boy Scouts of America were also founded in 1910 by William Boyce who brought some business organization to Baden-Powell’s ideas. Over the years the program has been modified and enhanced to reflect Lord Baden-Powell’s original purposes.

During his military service, R.S.S. Baden-Powell observed the cadet corps and took note of their courage and valor. This group of young, under-age, servants to the military made a positive impression on Lord Baden-Powell and was the beginning of the seed for establishing the Scouting program among the youth. He wrote several books including Aids to Scouting, a military training manual, which became a best-seller. From that he based his program ideas and rewrote the book with an aim toward the youth. He then wrote Scouting for Boys after the Brownsea camp experience and the concepts were adopted worldwide.

The ideas behind the values and principals in Scouting are based on self-discipline and survival skills for the military. The original concepts were conceived to create helpful, strong, physically, mentally and spiritually grounded youth, prepared to be whatever they chose and do what needed to be done under any circumstance. This training would provide leadership for the future and self-reliance to the masses.

One of the biggest purposes of Scouting is to cultivate self-sufficiency, confidence and learning by doing. The motto “Be Prepared” and slogan, “Do a good turn daily,” emphasize this sharing of knowledge and skill. The attitude that Scouts are trained to be helpful, courteous and kind also underscores the need for worldwide acceptance and tolerance necessary for peace. Being loyal, thrifty and brave stresses the need for courage and valor in times of emergency. A man who is trustworthy, friendly and thrifty will be successful in business and make a good employee. To be clean and obedient leads to reverence and spiritual power that is worthy of missionary service and temple marriage.

Some parents and youth are overwhelmed by the amount of work required to fulfill all the requirements for the highest Boy Scout honor of Eagle Scout. It is imperative that this process be an experience of growth. We have been counseled to “raise the bar” and in order to this we need to push ourselves and our youth beyond our comfort zones. We need to help them understand the importance of working hard for those things that are worthwhile and bring success to the future.

Charles W. Dahlquist II, General Young Men President, said, “(There is) majesty that can be part of the activity program of the Aaronic Priesthood, if we apply the principles that caused the Brethren, in 1913, to enter into a partnership with the Boy Scouts of America for the strengthening of the Aaronic Priesthood. There was inspiration in that decision, as there is inspiration in the decision to continue that decision today. And there must be inspiration in applying the principles of Scouting to strengthen and vitalize the quorums of the Aaronic Priesthood and each young priesthood bearer today.” He also stated, “It is very evident that in those stakes and wards where Scouting is used to strengthen the priesthood, the young men of the Aaronic Priesthood are much stronger and better prepared than they would otherwise have been.”

President Dahlquist has said, “Scouting (is an effective resource) to help support the teachers and priests quorums of the Church raise the bar for these great young men of the Aaronic Priesthood by teaching them timeless values, giving them opportunities to learn and apply leadership skills and develop spiritually, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and socially---all in a fun and enjoyable setting, planned by the young men themselves, with appropriate adult supervision.” The emphasis should be on “a fun and enjoyable setting.” Although earning an Eagle honor should be hard work it should also be fun along the way.

One of the fundamental purposes of the Scouting program is to cultivate a love and appreciation for the outdoors and outdoor activities. However, not all scout activities are required to be outdoors as some young men are not interested in those kinds of events. There are experiences in business, engineering, sciences and the arts that should be emphasized as well. Essentially there are focuses for every type of boy in any circumstance. Each boy should be encouraged to participate in those activities he is interested in as well as those he may not find as enjoyable as this helps cultivate tolerance and acceptance of differences.

Another skill that is important for the youth to learn and understand is the ability to work as a team. Throughout adulthood they will be required to work with others on a variety of projects under a multitude of circumstances. The ability to work well with others is paramount to their success in business, family and personal pursuits. The Boy Scouting program develops this skill through troop participation. They learn the process of delegation and what happens when they, or others, fail to follow through on a commitment. They also learn to forgive and be understanding and tolerant when someone does not fulfill their commitments.

President Dahlquist further said, “The Church continues to follow the programs of the Boy Scouts of America to help its young men 12 to 18 years of age as they magnify their callings in the priesthood. Scouting helps young men develop desirable character traits, citizenship, and physical and mental fitness. The Scouting program teaches young men how to rely on themselves, serve and lead others, prepare for emergencies, conserve natural resources, and become actively involved in community, school, and Church service projects.”

The number of Eagle scouts among our nations’ leaders, both religious and political, is astounding. This list includes Gerald Ford, 38th President of the U.S., James Lovell – Astronaut, Steven Spielberg, Film Director/Producer, Walter Cronkite - Journalist, T.V. commentator, and many church leaders including Howard W. Hunter, 14^th President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. President Thomas S. Monson has said, “It is the mission of the Boy Scouts of America to serve others by helping to instill values in young people and, in other ways, to prepare them to make ethical choices over their lifetime in achieving their full potential.”

Even if a boy does not reach Eagle status, they will reap magnificent rewards for having participated and made an effort to learn, do and be what the Scouting program encourages. A parent will not be remiss for supporting their sons in this program. It is preparation for life; preparation for the future.

Poppies and Freeways

2009-04-02T17:26:00.000-07:00

The other day I was driving home from a meeting in a town over an hour away and I had to take a bunch of freeways I wasn’t used to driving. I listen to the traffic news a lot so I’m familiar with the numbers and the names but not always sure which name goes with which number. In Los Angeles the freeways have names, like The Golden State, or The San Bernadino. The newscasters also refer to specific areas on the freeways, like the Orange Crush, and the East L.A. Interchange. I don’t always know where these places are because I don’t drive them.

Another point about the freeway system is that my “Eastern” friends, i.e.; anyone past Nevada, are always making fun of us Californians for saying “the” before a freeway number. Well, I discovered there is a reason for that, and I quote from Grant Geyer’s article in “American Speech.”

“In about 1941, just before the completion of the first of the famous freeways, intercity traffic came into Los Angeles on the north-south axis on U.S. 99, U.S. 101, or California Route 1.... Before the freeways were built, locals generally preferred the old, time-honored street or road names instead of numbers in conversation. So for ‘U.S. 99’ they said San Fernando Road because the highway followed that particular named street, as far as the distant end of “town.” Likewise, ‘U.S. 101’ was Ventura Boulevard and ‘Route 1’ was Pacific Coast Highway....Route 1 or Route 101 was not used in town.
...
When the federal interstate system grew up, the southern California area got its share of funding and road numbers.... However, for the first 20 years of the interstate system, no one used the numerical designations.... The interstate routes around Los Angeles were called the Ventura Freeway, the Hollywood Freeway, the Santa Ana Freeway, the Golden State Freeway, the San Bernardino Freeway, the Pasadena Freeway, the Glendale Freeway, the San Diego Freeway, the Santa Monica Freeway, the Harbor Freeway, the Riverside Freeway, and the Long Beach Freeway.

....The strange-sounding usage of the plus number, as in the 118, was the natural result of an amazing proliferation of new, minor interstate cutovers, extensions, and bypasses that began about 1975.... [It] was even more pronounced when new major Los Angeles interstates sprang up without having any precursors and without being extensions of earlier, nonnumerical freeways. The first one I remember in this category was the 605 Freeway.” (“The” Freeway in Southern California, by Grant Geyer, American Speech, Summer 2001)

So, fancy that, a legitimate reason for our “funny” way of referring to the freeway system.

Along my drive I had to take “the” 10 West to “the” 57 North and right there at this colossal interchange (not the East L.A. interchange) there were wild poppies growing along the side of the road. It was beautiful! I was surprised by the cluster of nature that created a small haven of beauty on an urban freeway. It pleased me. Maybe I was already happy from having had a wonderful day and evening by myself (sans children and spouse) with little demands, or maybe it really was just an appreciation for an enigma among spoils.

Poppies, by the way, are one of my most favorite flowers. Maybe a true Californian at heart, but mostly their presence in late winter and early spring in the desert where I live signals new life and color in an otherwise drab environment. Unfortunately when the blooms disappear they look like messy weeds and their roots like pale carrots. While they bloom along roadsides, on the hillsides, and yes, apparently even along freeway interchanges, I am awestruck at their cheerfulness.

Accessories

2009-02-26T16:30:00.000-08:00

I have recently, as in the last few years, discovered the joy of accessorizing. I fell in love with shoes first, then moved on to bags, handbags, backpacks, totes, etc. I am now a connoisseur of a variety of accessorizing and trying to get into the scarves thing but haven’t quite grasped it yet. That new look is so awesome but I’m just too hot to do it (and you can interpret that any way you like).

My favorite accessory has to be shoes. No matter what size I am my feet have stayed the same. If I was smart I would have kept those cute shoes and sandals I paid good money for in the 80’s because those funky boots and Cherokee sandals are back in style now. My shoulder-padded dresses are just too dated for my daughters to wear but I bet they’d get a kick out of my chunky, wooden-heeled leather boots I had!

I have a great collection of shoes which I try to pare down every now and again, but it’s so hard! Especially when you know, just know, it will be in style again. Unfortunately for me I don’t have my own “shoe and purse closet” so I have to make sacrifices now and then. In the last couple of years, however, I have just bought those crates and stacked them up in my closet and rotate them with the seasons. You know flip-flops for summer, flats for fall, boots for winter and sneakers for spring. It’s only logical. I have a fettish with ballet flats right now and just can’t get enough of them. I’m thinking about silver…

As far as bags go, well, I have one for every season, and then some. Since starting school again it’s been a necessity to have a backpack. I’ve been pretty good with that one as I usually just use the Breast Cancer backpack I bought at their site. It pretty much goes with anything I own because it’s in my basic colors; black and pink. If it isn’t pink, what’s the point?

My niece told me that she “allows” herself a purse budget and buys a new purse every month or so. I liked that idea and had my eye on a really nice red bag and was fortunate that I found one on sale at Target. Then I got a black bag via Mary Kay, very nice! And that one goes perfectly with my pink and black backpack. Right now I’m using the Hawaiian one I bought last year on my visit with my brother. I’m sure I’ll switch again soon, the weather is warming up.

My latest craze has been jewelry. I love earrings. I can’t leave the house without a pair of earrings on, I feel naked! I really need to keep a pair in the car for those days I leave in a hurry, i.e.; naked! I recently discovered Park Lane Jewels (thank you Leslie!) and have had the time of my life accessorizing with that stuff!!!

Hats? I don’t do hats. I look hideous in hats. Hats are my bane. Bandanna’s however I find very fun.

Really, when you’re chubby, like me, it’s good to know how to accessorize efficiently. It helps when you’re skinny too. Accessorizing can be loads of fun no matter what your size, or even species for that matter!

Media

2009-02-26T14:43:00.000-08:00

I have been considering adding reviews to my blog, well, just because. I have opinions and I like to share them. My favorite part about being an English major is when we get to sit around in class and bash…I mean discuss an author’s work.

I love to read and am always reading something. Sometimes it is a book for school but more often than not it’s just something I picked up. I have favorite authors and favorite genres but I don’t limit myself by that at all. I tend to read almost everything I can clap my eyes on, from cereal box backs to billboards, to the instructions that come with just about everything (those can be rather humorous if they’ve been translated from another language).

Movies and television are also something that easily amuses me. I have yet to figure out where this comes from but I have noted that most of my siblings are the same way. As a matter of fact, when the television is on it tends to lure us in like a siren song. My dad has always been notorious for walking in at the worst part, however. If a movie had a nude scene or bad language, that’s when he entered the room.

I’m not particularly high-brow either. Sorry to disappoint, but my tastes run rather broad. My most important goal in media is entertainment. If I’m not entertained then it won’t hold my interest. Um, and I’m pretty easily entertained.

I also enjoy media that is informative, instructive and profound. I love putting down a book or walking out of a movie with a “smack my forehead” experience! This is when you know you have been ignorant or sheltered and someone has hit that cord. I’m not necessarily talking about a “history lesson” as most of those are incorrect (I’ve found) but about lessons about human emotions and relations. Those are amazing to watch, when done correctly.
Picking apart why something strikes me is one of my favorite things to do, so welcome to my media autopsy.

Funny Language

2009-02-26T14:21:00.000-08:00

The other day I had a random memory. When I was working for the Japanese bicycle tubing company a customer called regarding an accounting error. He asked about a payment and I checked the computer program because I actually remembered the transaction and figured the exact information should have been posted where it was supposed to be posted.
Silly me.
When I couldn’t find it I commented, “That’s funny.”

The next day we received a multi-paragraph rant via fax (pre e-mail days, for you internet children) from said customer about how my response was totally inappropriate. Huh?
He continued to rail on me for commenting that it was “Hilarious” that a payment had not been posted.
Idiot.
I meant funny-odd, Moron, not funny-haha!

Why does this simple example of semantics still bother me? Who knows. What I do know is that I still seem to come across the Semantically Stifled much too often! English is a difficult language to learn. When you incorporate the slang and idioms you really have a mess on your hands! I get so frustrated by people who don’t understand what I’m talking about because they don’t know the true meaning of the words in their own language. Now, I admit, I have been known to use words incorrectly, but not very often. Really.

I suppose part of the problem is that some of us (ahem!) sometimes use our “own lingo” then expect others to understand us. I know I like to add –ish and –age to the end of words a lot.

“Sure, I’ll be there around noon-ish.”
“That recipe is a kind of casserole-ish dinner.”
“I didn’t want to take my DMV picture with that monstrous zit-age growing on my forehead.”
“I SAID COME IN HERE AND PICK UP YOUR CRAP-AGE BEFORE I THROW IT AWAY!”

That sort of thing.
Sometimes it can really cut down on the amount of words you need to use. Or better yet, remove entire sentences from you statement. I like that ish…

Unfortunately, it is confusing. I suppose.

A Page from My Journal

2009-01-24T13:27:00.000-08:00

I keep thinking that in order to blog “properly” my entries need to be several paragraphs long. I have decided that I need to get over that.

I am not a consistent radio hog. My listening interests change periodically. Of course, as a teen I listened to pop and rock. As a young adult I started listening to Country, I don’t know why, actually. Eventually it evolved to News Radio. I listened to news radio religiously. That relationship began as a nightly tune-in for the wonderful old radio programs they used to run (they don’t do that anymore). I enjoyed hearing the mysteries and cowboy programs from the “olden days.” In the morning I would listen to the traffic alerts and became quite addicted to the ever evolving news. I remember being so swept into a particular story about a missing politician (I could take that all over the place!) that I was in tears on the freeway when they finally found him.

After meeting my husband I went back to listening to country. I still vacillated between news radio and country music for several years—I admit I was a Dr. Laura fan for a long time (until she was rude to me). Lately I have been listening to my kid’s music which is a combination of pop/hip-hop/rap and even country… My friend affectionately calls it CRAP.

Until recently.

I’ve started that private affair with news radio again. As soon as my kids get out of the car I tune it into the AM station that carries constant news, KNX, my favorite source for up to the minute news! I have to turn it up because I can’t hear very well and I don’t want to miss a word! If I hear of a motorcycle accident anywhere between Palmdale and Pacoima I’m on the phone with the husband to make sure he’s still alive and we won’t have any expensive repairs on the Harley! If I hear a funny or interesting story I’m on the phone with my Dad to share it with him (another news junkie, but more of “The Weather Channel” variety). I love the news and am figuring this relationship will always be a part of who I am.

So in addition to the news they occasionally have little blurbs from Charles Osgood, Katie Couric and others who express their opinions, Op-Ed pieces I think you “real” writers might call them. Katie Couric does this thing she calls “A Page from My Notebook” and it’s a short, maybe two paragraphs, blurb about something relevant and recent. The other day she did a commentary about Obama’s inauguration speech and his use of scripture. This made me realize that I do not have to write a full-on essay for my blog. I could keep it limited to one or two paragraphs! What a relief! So maybe you’ll see more of me because I don’t have to write so much.

Hey wait! This turned out to be several paragraphs after all. Dog-gone-it, and I was shooting for one or two!

Job Wanted!

2008-12-12T07:38:00.000-08:00

Dear all you already employed people;

Please quit. I really need a job and as long as you are still employed it means that I am not. If you were to quit then I might actually have a chance at finding employment!
Of course if you are currently a doctor or lawyer then don’t quit because I don’t want those jobs. Also, if you collect trash or your job requires you to be outside climbing poles, or anything like that, then never mind. Oh, and while I’m at it, if your job requires you to climb ladders or be any higher off the ground then about three feet then forget it, keep your job, I don’t want it. Also if your job keeps you in a tiny confined space I don’t want that either.

Also, if you make really really important decisions about money then it might be better if I didn’t do that either. I don’t really want to be a manager over others or have anything to do with what some might call “stock” of any kind, including but not limited to commodities, merchandise or animals. Oh, and I also don’t do sales. I don’t want to sell property, or any other of the above-mentioned “stock.”

I also don’t really want to deal with kids. Kids are annoying and I have a few of my own that annoy me during my off time so I’m not really very interested in dealing with other people’s annoyances. That includes teaching, however, I am a teacher and can teach, and am relatively good at it, but I don’t want to deal with the parents of said kids and that’s part of teaching nowadays so, not interested.

And while I’m at it I don’t want to have to clean anything. Especially toilets. Toilets are disgusting especially after being used by above-mentioned kids, particularly boys. Nope, I don’t want anything to do with that! I also don’t want to clean anything in a kitchen including dishes, stoves or refrigerators. I don’t really want to cook either. I don’t mind eating, especially sweets, but I prefer them prepared by others.

I like books. Pretty much anything to do with books would work for me. I like to read books. I like to look at books. I like turning the pages. I like putting them on shelves. I like organizing them in alphabetical order by author, or by title. I also don’t mind inputting the data about the books. I don’t mind magazines either. They’re pretty and have nice pictures to look at, well, except for the naked people. I don’t want to deal with naked people.

I don’t mind typing either. Especially words. Typing words is fun and interesting. I prefer to type my own words but I don’t mind typing other people’s words usually. Unless they’re stupid. I don’t like typing words of stupid people. Or ignorant people. Or intolerant people. The only thing I can’t tolerate is intolerance.

So if you have any of the jobs that I have already mentioned I don’t want then never mind and be happy in your job, if you can. However, if your job requires you to sit on your butt most of the day looking at a computer screen then quit because I am really good at that and I might have a chance!

Head to Page

2008-11-30T22:38:00.000-08:00

I am constantly having blogging ideas running in my head but *making* the time to actually create the post AND post it has been a bit of a challenge for me. I should have at least five more posts because that's how many I've made notes on. [insert eyerolling image here]
Maybe now that we'll be back on our normal routine of school and work I'll *make* more time to write? Hahahahaha... Okay, so the holidays are approaching and the *more time* fallacy is quite a joke, but still... I have goals. :)
So stay tuned... I'll get on the bandwagon yet!

Secrets

2008-11-16T16:01:00.000-08:00

When other people have them they don't work for me. LOL But I have them. I don't have a lot and they mostly all occurred before my 18th birthday so why are they relevant now? I guess they are only relevant to my children. There are things about me I don't want them to know... yet. I think it's too much. Then again when I find out secrets about my mother I'm not too shocked, okay, well, maybe a little but I guess it depends on the secret.
Secrets that my kids have bother me. I understand that my teens think they have a "right" to privacy. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Okay, sorry, but I don't agree. I'm sure I thought that when I was a teen but I didn't have a cool parent like me. haha My girls are constantly telling me, "I can't tell you," and I hate it. I really hate it. I want to know everything. I want to know what they are doing, who they are talking to, who they like, who they don't like, who their friends like, etc. etc. Actually, I think it's important for me to know this stuff. How can I be a good parent if I don't know that the reason they want to go to XXX house is because YYY is going to be there and their life might end if it doesn't happen.
Last night I told Kimberly that she couldn't go to the Homecoming dance. She can't date so I thought, Why should she go? She started crying. Oh boy. So, of course, I changed my mind and we made arrangements for her to go. It was fine. It was benign (she told me she didn't even dance with any boys but stayed with her girlfriends all night). Okay, so what was the big deal. I guess the big deal is that I don't know what she's being exposed to. I don't know what kind of music they will play. I don't know what boys are going to "hit" on her and if she's open to that or not. And she doesn't tell me much. That makes me kind of sad.
Emily is the worst though. "I can't tell you," is almost a mantra of hers and makes me want to roll my eyes every time I hear it, oh, and SMACK her too! Of course you can tell me, I'm your MOMMY! Who else will listen and care? Well, all her friends listen and care. This morning she kept saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," to her friend and I wanted to know why. I wasn't told. "It's not my secret," she says, but even if it was she probably wouldn't tell me. Boo hoo.
I'm told I like to share secrets. What? Who me? I do not share stuff that I know is a secret but I admit to sharing stuff I know because I don't think it's a secret. My niece told me that people shouldn't have to tell me, "That's a secret!" I should know. Huh? I don't really keep secrets so I don't get it.
But that's not true either. I keep secrets about money I spend. I keep secrets about my friends, and sometimes my family (when they ask me to, of course). And, as mentioned before, I keep secrets of my past. I did tell my girls a story from my teens this morning when I was trying to ingratiate them to my way of thinking (that they should tell me everything) about when I snuck out to go to a party at the beach. When I got home my mother pried my mouth open to sniff it to see if I had anything to drink (I hadn't). I thought that was horrible. I still think that was horrible. I don't blame her in a way, but truthfully it wasn't me that did all that crap to make them not trust teens, it was my brothers. Then I did do stuff because they weren't trusting me anyway. They never let me do anything fun (like go to drunken beach parties!) which is why I let Kimberly go to the Homecoming dance. Because, really, she doesn't keep that many secrets from me. And I trust her.

Pain in the neck...

2008-11-15T12:13:00.000-08:00

So the disintegrated vertebrae in my neck have really been bothering me lately. My mom made a comment to me recently about the kinds of jobs I could get and said something about working the stock room being bad for my back. I had to scratch my head a bit over that one because I forgot that I frequently suffer from severe sciatica. So in addition to my aching back I also have a pain in the neck. Those two things keep me from doing a lot of physical activity. I do worry about exascerbating either problem and have been know to avoid things because I am "afraid" and that can be annoying, at best.
I am considering going to the dr's and asking them to do the "surgery" that was recommended to me years ago when the disintegrated vertebrae were discovered, but I am afraid of that too. I love rollercoasters, but they kill me. I end up in bed for days. I love to walk, I've walked all over Europe and Asia, but I'm "afraid" to now because it worsens my lower back pain and I end up in bed for days.
As a mother of five children being in bed for days is not a good thing.
One day and the kitchen is over-run with dishes, crumbs, left-out (and now trash) food, miscellaneous papers, even clothing, shoes and towels end up all over my kitchen if I'm not out there to curb it or clean it up. So being down and out for even a day is not a good thing.
So I take a lot of aspirin. This helps curb the pain but does not remove it entirely. I don't know what living "pain free" means anymore. Many people, including myself, think that a lot of my problems would or could be solved if I lost weight. I suppose that's true about my back, and my knees, but not my neck. I don't think losing weight would re-integrate my vertebrae. I actually don't know what they do, that's part of the fear. Of course. The not knowing is always a fear.
The idea of being down and out kind of frightens me too. Who will do it all? If I can't, who will? I have no idea so that's a legitimate fear.
I also believe my whacked out hormones contribute to my pain. Menopause sucks, just in case you were wondering. The hot flashes are not fun. Just this week I was HOT but my feet were ice cubes, for three days! That is not something I enjoy. It's possible that if I lost weight my hormones wouldn't be so whacky, but there aren't any guarantees on that either, considering my age.
This week I did something to help rectify my weight issues and one of those was to buy two new DVDs for working out at home. Both of them are circuit training, which I love because I tend to get distracted easily and lose interest. What was I talking about...??? Oh right, exercising. The other thing I got was a trial of Acai Berry and a gastric bulking agent. I love experimenting with my body. BTW, so far nothing has worked and there is no miracle out there. Bummer, huh.
Today I want to write. I'd really like to be left alone but I don't think that's going to happen. I have two teen daughters that think it's my job to cart them around. I have three boys that tend to think the same thing. They either want to be taken somewhere (that inevitably costs money) or they want someone to be picked up, which means more work for me.
And more work for me is never good. It's a pain in my neck!

Blogging

2008-11-15T11:58:00.000-08:00

I am a journal-er. I always have been. I think I got my first "official" journal at the age of twelve and I still have that one. It took me several years to fill it up because while I had that one I also filled up notebook after notebook. It was mostly my day-to-day boring life activities, but also I would share my thoughts about life, religion, food and my concept of "self."
I am also an avid reader. I love, Love, LOVE to read and romances are my favorite. My favorite author of all time is Jane Austen. Her technique of unraveling a story while revealing characters traits and flaws appeals to me as well as her classic heroes and heroines.
My favorite contemporary author is Jennifer Crusie, because her stories are complex and her characters dynamic. She is also very funny and her novels climactic scenes are comical, complex and fulfilling, in every sense.
I have lots and lots of story ideas, many of which are hidden inside my multiple journals but most of which are lurking in my mind dying to get out. My characters are constantly moving around and evolving in my head and every now and then I will see something or think of something and have to rush for pen and paper to jot down the epiphany before it is lost forever.
Typing comes easy for me, easier than trying to write longhand so I've decided to start this *blog* (even though I have a bit of an aversion for blogging) because I have running monologues in my head and I just need to dump them out! So here I am, for all the world to see and critique.
I just needed to do it. I want to be a writer, and technically I am a professional writer because I have been paid for my work but not in the way or manner that is my dream.
I dream of embarrassing my family by having a raunchy romance novel parked on the checkout stand at the grocery store. I want it to SCREAM my name and have everyone I know blush because the cover is so Not Me. That just makes me want to laugh! :)
So this blog is for my brain-draining. And I appreciate any and all visitors.